A Palestinian woman asks a man for directions. She is promptly stoned to death.

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Bill: Knock, Knock. Sean: Who's there? Bill: It's your neighbor, Bill Walters, from across the street. Sean: Oh, hey Bill, how are you and Margie? Bill: Oh, I'm doing fine, but Margie just got out of the hospital for a broken arm. Sean: My gosh, what happened. Bill: She was just loading the Halloween decorations down from the attic while I wasn't home and fell. She's fine though; it was only a minor fracture. Sean: Well thank goodness she alright. Bill: Anyway, I came over to return those hedge clippers I borrowed from you last month. Sean: Oh, thank you. How did they work? Bill: Just great once I gave them a coat of oil. It was a big job... I haven't trimmed those bushes in three years. Sean: Yeah, these clippers have belonged to my grandfather, father, and me. Bill: Darn, thats quite amazing, I wish I could get a pair of those, but I doubt they still make them. Sean: I'm pretty confident they don't, but you can borrow these anytime. Bill: Thanks Sean thats very generous of you. Sean: No problem, I almost never use them myself. Well I better get back to Jeanie...I'm helping her make dinner. Bill: Alright, Well thanks again.

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What did the boy with no arms and legs get for christmas? A present.

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What do you call an Englishman, an Irishman and a Chineseman playing football? 3 friends playing their favourite sport.

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Killing your friend as a joke.

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What do you call an unexpected pregnancy? A defective condom.

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a young mother cow died in a street crossing by a large oil truck, she was never buried and became infested with maggots in the next few days

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Today i started to think lucas was homosexuaI.. I am scared

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-What's long, hard and full of semen? -Since this is a play on words both an erect penis and a naval submarine could apply here

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yo mama is so ugly she walked by a mirror and looked at her reflection cuz thats what mirrors do

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Why couldn't Scruffy get out from under the car? It had parked on his skull.

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A man walks into a bar, He is a severe alcoholic and is slowly drowning himself in booze. The man exits the bar after several hours of heavy drinking and walks home. He enters his home to discover a man in bed with his wife. After the first ten seconds of paralyzing rage, he grabs a .44 Magnum and brutally murders his wife and her bed mate. The man realizes he has woken up his two month old, and after thinking of the horrible act he has committed, he promptly raises the pistol to his temple and pulls the trigger. Oh, I almost forgot, the man was schizophrenic and has never been married.

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What's green, fuzzy, and can kill you if it fell from a tree? A pool table.

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Whats worse than a pile of dead babies? A live on at the bottom.

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Q. Why did the chicken cross the road? A. Who the hell knows..?

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Your mother is so morbidly obese that if she sat on me, she would crush my skull and kill me.

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Roses are red Violets are blue I have herpes You should probably get yourself checked.

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What did the German say to the Rabbi? Hello. The German was also Jewish

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What did Hitler say to Mussolini? I don't know. I wasn't there.

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How do you make a napkin dance? You can't. Stop having such unrealistic aspirations.

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How do you wake up Lady Gaga? "Poker Face"

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Why couldn't Timmy go to the bathroom? He was constipated.

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What's green and has four wheels? A dolphin. I lied about it having four wheels. I lied about it being green. I lied about the whole thing.

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Brett Favre sent me a pic of his penis. I then compared it to my own and felt good about my general ackage size

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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