How do you wake up Lady Gaga? Poke her face.

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What's yellow and can't swim? A bulldozer

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A Chinese man and an american lived together. The Chinese man said to the american man, "I'm going to walk the dog." The American said "OK." Later that night they were eating dinner. The American said to the Chinese man, "I don't think that I've had this meat before. What is it?" The Chinese man replied, "The dog." The American, surprised, spewed out the food he was eating. "THE DOG!?" he yelled, shocked. The Chinese man replied, "Yes, I TOLD you I was going to wok the dog!"

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Math problem: You have 50 candy bars and decide to eat 45. What do you have now? Diabetes.

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HURT

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What do you call a Black guy picking cottnon? A cottonpicker

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Knock Knock Who's there? A Kid With ADD A Kid With AD- Oh Look! A Squirrel!

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How did Matt stop the robbers? He called the police.

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What did the German girl say to me? entschuldigen Sie (excuse me)

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oh whatever donald trump's not going to be president. stop pretending he is

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Q: What do you call an American who has both Irish and Italian ancestry? A: An American.

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What would kill a Muslim if they were to ingest it? Arsenic

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Why did the mother have a club in her hands covered with red liquid? She spilled her bloody murry while playing golf.

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A priest, a rabbi and a proctologist walk into a bar. Why is there a bar lying in the middle of the sidewalk?

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what's worst then having no internet access for a year? having no facebook notifications when you finally do

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Un petit gars se plante en vélo et il se met à pleurer.

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A man walks into a bar he orders a drink

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There are 2 carrots sitting in a basket. One carrot says to the other; I'm a carrot! The other carrot does not reply, because carrots do not speak. Now consider the possibility, that the first carrot was a talking monkey.

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Why was segregation made Illegal? because its more fun to break the law

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Where did all the time go? In a recent study, 100% of all time, all systems go.

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Penis.

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what does a gay horse eat heeyyyyy

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Roses are red Violets are blue I have Alzheimer's I have Alzheimer's

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What did the hooker get for christmas? Herpes

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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