Why can't Julius Caesar use a cell phone? Because he is dead.

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can you touch your toes? no

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Why did the girl fall off the swing? Because she didn't have any arms

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John: Knock knock Jack: Who's there? John: Whale Jack: I don't know a Whale, go away. John violently rips off Jack's cock in becaus he's sick of his shit.

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There are 500 bricks on an airplane. If you drop one out, how many are left? 499. There are three steps to putting an elephant in a refrigerator. What are they? Open the fridge, put the elephant in, close the fridge. There are four steps to putting a deer in the fridge. What are they? Open the fridge, take the elephant out, put the deer in, close the fridge. The Lion King is having a birthday party. All the animals are there but one. Why is that? The deer is in the fridge. A woman wants to cross an alligator infested swamp. How does she do it? She crosses normally because the alligators are at the Lion King's party. She dies anyways. Why? She gets hit in the head with a brick.

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what did the pumpkin muffin say to the blueberry muffin? nothing, because muffins can't talk.

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What did the physicist say when he got his penis stuck in a test tube? Ah jeesh! I got my penis stuck in a test tube.

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What has two legs and two arms? A Human

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How many blond girls does it take to screw in a light bulb? 1, it is a faily simple task

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What has two legs but can't walk A paraplegic

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A man walks into a bar. Splash.

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A. why'd the chicken cross the road? B.a dog got hit by a bus.

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What's worse than losing your job? Getting repeatedly hit in the face with a brick after getting fired from your job.

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You're rowing a canoe upstream and a wheel falls off, how many pancakes can you fit in a dog house? None because icecream doesn't have bones.

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Man: Excuse me sir, is this where I turn in my library book? Farmer: You must be really lost, this is a farm.

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A Gamer walks into the tavern, the bartender says to him, "just dont act like you control the place!"

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your mom is so ugly that she is still a virgin, you don't exist you are just a figment of my imagination.

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what is worse than a joke? an anti-joke.

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What did Emmanuel Frimpong say to George Elokobi? you sir, are DENCH

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What`s the best part about twenty-three year olds? there are twenty of them

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Whats worse than one bee? Two bees. Whats worse than two bees? The holocaust. Whats worse than the holocaust? Three bees.

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One time, I saw this guy on stilts and thought it would be hilarious if someone pushed him over. Then some guy pushed him over and broke his neck.

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What is a pedophile's favorite thing about twenty-six year olds? There are 20 of them.

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Why do you have to write a conclusion at the end of your paper? So people dont have to read the whole thing.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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