What do dead babies and trash both have in common? They're both in my dumpster.

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I can be considerate if like someone is burning to death and I was the one considerate enough to lit them on fire... Wait no, I am considerate towards my friends (which are all ladies, all men besides me are obstacles and nothing else) AAAAND my logic processor broke down. Anyway, please do me the honors, take the last message.

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What does Yoko Ono say while rehearsing her song before a concert? She gives directions to the band.

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Have you ever seen Hellen Keller's house? Well it was really nice.

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Where do you find a good lawyer? In the cemetary

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What do you get when you cross a cat and a dog? an email from PETA

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Knock, knock. Whose there? A Mountain Lion wait...what

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One scientist is talking to another scientist. One say "what's the matter?" The other replies "my family is dead"

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Rush Limbaugh

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Why did the young boy hit the other young boy? Because the other young boy was bullying his friend and he thought it was time he should stand up for himself and take control of the situation.

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Why can't vampires go out in the sun? Becuase they don't exist.

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Whats brown and sticky? A stick

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How many licks does it take to get to the center of a tootsie pop? However many needed.

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j

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Bariande: I have a belly button Kraken: haha who doesnt? MissAwkward: i dont Barinade: neither do i. haha this happened on tiny chat.

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Roses are red. Violets are blue. You are a prostitute. I have a dollar.

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Two women that are both blonde were driving together down a hill. Suddenly, the brakes fail and one blonde says "Oh no, we're gonna crash. The blonde in the passenger seat says "Don't worry, there's a stop sign." Then the blonde driver says "I'm not dumb okay, that's yield sign.

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What is green, ugly and can't empty his bowels without exerting a tremendous amount of energy? A constipated, ugly, green thing.

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Two colleague janitors sit next to each other in the coffee room, one says to the other: About yesterday... I checked three times and it looks pretty normal. Sorry... I wasn't around to hear the question the other posed the day before, but I heard it's supposed to be pretty funny with this answer. So... Less is better then none, right?

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Q: you wanna hear a joke? A: yeah sure. Q: well im not gnna.

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A horse walks into a bar. The bartender says "why the long face", the horse said nothing; because it is a horse.

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Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? Because it was dead.

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Why was Timmy sad? While helping his dad hang Christmas light, he got tangled up in them and fell down. While falling he grabbed a wire, which caused a spark. This spark lit the house on fire. Since he broke most of the bones in his body from falling he could not run away. The house proceeded to collapse an poor Timmy seriously injuring and hideously disfiguring him. By the time the ambulance got there, Timmy was the only survivor for his parents died of smoke inhalation. Since he had no other living relatives he was forced to live in an orphanage for the rest of his childhood. That is why Timmy is sad.

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I tried to play soccer a long time ago. I didn't score and managed to get red card... Then I realized it was not my thing

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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