How do you stop a baby from spinning round a washing line. Hit it in face with a baseball bat.

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You're so ugly, When you look in the mirror it displays you're reflection because that is what mirrors do

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A priest, a rabbi, and a muslim cleric walk into a bar. In Syria. Dead children.

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Q: Why did Cinderella get cut from the softball team? Q: She ran away from the ball.

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What do you call a deer with no eyes? It doesn't really matter but I wouldn't actually call anything because they have very sensitive hearing and will probably panic and, being blind, might collide with a tree.

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What does little Tommy and a tomato have in common? They are both vegetables. Oh wait, a tomato is a fruit.

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A carpenter walks into a bar. After ordering some wine he tells the bartender that one of his 12 friends will betray him. He also says that once he was captured, the government will execute him on a wooden cross for everyone to see. The bartender in disbelief says to the man "You gotta be kiddin' me, do you think you're Jesus or something?" The man throws his glass of wine to the floor, grabs the bartender by his collar, and says "Hey man, I ordered red wine, not white wine you bastard!" After a few minutes, a group of nurses escort the insane loon back to the mental clinic. The bartender never saw the man again and proceeds to sweep that mess the psycho left on the floor.

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Greg told a joke. It wasnt funny...

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their were 2 muffins. one said hello how are you. the other screamed "A TALKING MUFFIN"

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What's sad about Justin bieber getting thrown off of a cliff Nothing

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Why did the Nazi not help the black man up after he had been badly injured? The Nazi was in a wheelchair.

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A grasshopper hops into a bar. The bartender looks down at him and says "Hey, we have a drink named after you." the grasshopper looks up at the bartender...then proceeds to hop along because Grasshoppers can't communicate with humans. Then several of the bars patrons looked at the bartender, worried for his mental health.

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What do you call someone with no legs nor arms? Mat

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Obama

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Why did the black man have no toes? Because during his climb of Everest, he got frostbite and they had to be amputated.

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What did the mute guy say to the deaf guy? *awkward silence* What did the deaf guy say to the mute guy? *Awkward silence....huh?*

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Why did the vampire die? He had AIDS.

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A momma cow was grazing in the meadow with her three calves when the first one asked, "Mom, how did I get the name Rose? "Well when you were born, a rose pedal came floating in the breeze and landed on your head." The second calf asked, "How did I get the name Daisy?" "Well when you were born, a daisy came floating in the breeze and landed on your head." The third calf mumbled, "LKJLSKJFSLKJLKSJDF" incoherently, and the Mom responded, "Shut up, Cinderblock."

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why don't you hit a black guy on a bike? because its probably your bike

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Knock, Knock Open the fucking Door

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Why wasn't the black guy allowed into the bar? Because the bar was closed.

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An over weight naked black guy walks into a bank and says "give me all your money!"

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What do you call a Mexican flying a plane? A pilot

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If an iPad 2 is better than an iPad 1, than what's better than an iPad 2? An iPad 3

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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