What has 2 legs, a heart and a conscience? YER MA

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What are little Timmy's hopes and dreams? Destroyed.

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Knock Knock. Who's there? The police. You're under arrest. The police you're under arrest who? Sir, if you don't open up the door we're going to have to open it ourselves. We have a warrant for your arrest. Sir if you don't open up the door we're going to have to open it ourselves we have a warrant for your arrest who? Sir we are authorized to use deadly force. If you don't comply we will shoot to kill. Sir we are authorized to use deadly force if you don't comply we will shoot to kill wh-

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What do you call a dog with no legs? Disabled.

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Your mom is such a slut that your dad didn't even ask her if you were his biological child and raised you as if you were, regardless of what the dna results may suggest.

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A kid walks into a bar, everyone fled the bar because they were all afraid of goats

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What's white and black and red all over A nun with a spear throug her head

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What's the difference between a tree and a lamp? One is a tree, one is a lamp.

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Q: Why was the american flag red, white, and blue? A:Because that's how it is!

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Jesse uses a prescription shampoo called " greasey poop" because he feels like his hair doesnt look greasy enough. He cries himself asleep every night because he wants a slim body like the rest of the cool kids, so he eats his pain away, which digs him an even deeper hole. the life of Jesse zigenbein is quite tragic to say the least. Please donate 10$ to the "eat ourselves to sleep" campaign

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What's brown and ryhmes with snoop? Dr. Dre

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A man walks into a bar and probably sustains serious head injuries and possibly a concussion as most bars are usually made out of solid metals such as iron or steel and is therefore not permitted by his doctor to engage in sports or other rigorous activities for an allotted period of time depending on the degree of his injury.

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like most people my age. im 27

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What has 4 black legs, a green back, and will kill you if it falls on you? A pool table.

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Don't tease the fat kids. They have enough on their plates.

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Why did Johnny close the door on Sally's face? Because Johnny is a dick.

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A guy walks into a bar

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28

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The Holocaust

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A man walks into a bar. The bartender asks what he'd like to drink. The man pulls out his gun, shoots the surprised bartender, and proceeds to execute all the patrons of the bar and finally commit suicide. A post-mortem identification of the man identifies him as a victim of childhood sexual abuse and a diagnosed schizophrenic. There is a nice funeral for all the victims and the media respectfully minimizes exposure of the event.

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Hello, I'm Mark and I have multiple-personality disorder. Don't listen to him, no he doesn't.

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If olive oil is made of olives, calculate the mass of the sun.

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Roses are black, Violets are black, Everything's black, Oh damn I'm blind.

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when the zombie apocolypse comes what do you do? you die

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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