You're really messed up right now... elephants don't talk

thumb_up thumb_down -91

How do you teach an old dog a new trick? Answer: You can't

thumb_up thumb_down +24

There was an american man on the way to work.

thumb_up thumb_down +15

Q: What is worse than bitting in to an apple and finding a worm? A: Bitting in to a worm and finding an apple.

thumb_up thumb_down +20

A blond, a brunette, and a redhead are best friends and go shopping together.

thumb_up thumb_down -25

A man walks into a bar The bartender asks: What would you like to drink?

thumb_up thumb_down -10

What's worse than a dead baby? A pile of dead babies. What's worse than a pile of dead babies? One baby is alive in the middle. What's worse than that? He is eating his way out...

thumb_up thumb_down +4

A black man walks in to a bar and say ouch! A jewish man walks in to a bar and later sews that same bar for he and the black mans injurys.

thumb_up thumb_down -6

What have a blueberry and a raspberry got in common? They both can't ride a skateboard

thumb_up thumb_down -1

Knock Knock. Who's there? Orange. Weird, orange is my favorite color.

thumb_up thumb_down +1

Alice? Childhood Alice? I did not recognize you! Its so nice to hear from you again! I would not worry too much about Nero`s shouting at night dear friend, while he has overcome a lot, he suffers from nightmares and nightterrors, its not pain, not physical at least, please do not tell him I told you, he prefers sparing people the details. Should I type as If I am typing to Nero? Sorry, I am just a bit flustered, Nero has never been the romantic type, not towards me at least... I know the "official chatting hours are over, but can I ask you or rather him to stay on a bit longer?"

thumb_up thumb_down -12

Think of your favorite joke. Thats so weird! Thats exactly the same as this joke!

thumb_up thumb_down -14

What did the baby say to the man? Babies can't talk ,the baby did not say anythingto the man!

thumb_up thumb_down -11

Whats, red, blue, green, yellow, feels like popcorn, looks like jello, tastes like hydrogen peroxide and smells like burning logs? i dont know. i was asking you

thumb_up thumb_down

Why was Mary mucky? Because she was dragged to a field and raped

thumb_up thumb_down -11

Did you hear about the red ship and the blue ship that collided? The two ships suffered major damageand sank, killing over 100 people. The families of the passengers mourned their loss.

thumb_up thumb_down +13

What did Wonder Woman say to Superman? I'm wonder woman.

thumb_up thumb_down +11

Arab 1: Du good bai me, and I'll du good bai you. Arab 2: Ye men, sounds good men. Arab 3: O man, no way. Arab 4: K, u wait...jus wait n see.. Arab 5: I no interest! Me so saudi! Arab 6: D'oh...ha, ha, haa! Arab 7: This is so bahrain...I'm going to go club some protesters.

thumb_up thumb_down -30

What did the murderer do to the dentist? Nothing, the murderer has served his time and is clean. But he did get his teeth cleaned.

thumb_up thumb_down -6

How do you get rich? Sell knives at warped tour.

thumb_up thumb_down -39

Why was 6 afraid of 7? Because 7 was infamous for stealing people's laundry, and 6 was insecure about his bare body

thumb_up thumb_down +30

a older brother and a lil brother have bunk beds, one night the older brother has his gf sneak over, they are going to have sex. he tells his gf, "say lettace for a new positon and say tomato for stop", they start and she screams, "lettace, tomato, lettace, tomato". then the lil brother says " will you guys stop making salad, ur getting mayonase all over my face!!!!"

thumb_up thumb_down -28

Phew... it's gone.

thumb_up thumb_down -4

What's red and has zippers? Nothing, because watermelons can't physically drive without the help of a sheeps spinal cords ... DUH

thumb_up thumb_down -15

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops