A man builds a time machine but can only travel back in time. Where does he go? Irrelevant. Time and space exist on different planes.

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Q:Whats worse than stubbing your toe? A: Watching a terrorist saw your dads arm off.

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how do you get rid of diahreah? Shove pepto bismo up your butt.

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A man goes to the pound to adopt a dog and sees a very shaggy dog and says "WOW! Thats a shaggy dog I'll take it!" So the man takes home his new dog and decides to enter the dog in the towns anual shaggy dog contest. and wins. After winning the town shaggy dog contest he moves up to the county shaggy dog contest. theres no competition. Now the man and his dog enter into the state shaggy dog contest, the states shaggiest dogs are all competing. the man wins. Finally the man and his dog are in the prestigious national shaggy dog contest. The judge walks up to the man and says "your dog isn't very shaggy"

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What do you call a man with a gun? An accident waiting to happen.

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why would you thank the KKK because they killed the president

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What did they do with the drunken sailor? Gave him the sack, which meant he could no longer provide for his family.

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What happen when a penguin walks into a bar? That is an almost impossible occasion. Penguins first of all waddle not walk and they only live in Antarctica and zoos, therefor they will not be able to enter one unless Antarctica becomes populated.

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1,000 americans jump off a plane. They all die as a result of not having parachutes.

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What is the speed limit in front of Liberace's house? 40mph because that portion of the road is curved.

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What did the blonde say when she saw a box of cheerios? "Lovely, I think I'll have some of these for breakfast today. The wholegrain will be good for me."

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What's a tissue's favorite kind of music? Nothing, tissue's do not have ear canals or ear drums and there for cannot hear any type of sound wave.

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A mushroom walks into a crowded bar, the bartender says "we don't serve your kind here." Protestingly, the mushroom replies, "why not? I am a spore reproducing eukaryote!" Everyone stares as an awkward silence ensues.

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Q: What's the meaning of life? A: A bush, have you ever been dragged through one? It hurts.

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Why was Ray Charles always smiling? because he was a happy guy

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How many ADD kids dose it take to screw in a light bulb? one; the attention deficit disorder dose not take away the ability too screw in a light bulb.

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A jew enters a mall.

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A man walks into a psychiatrists office with a banana in his ear. The psychiatrist says, why do you have that banana in your ear? The man says, "What?" The psychiatrist shouts, "I SAID, WHY DO YOU HAVE THAT BANANA IN YOUR EAR?" The man says, "Sorry, I can't hear you, I'm deaf."

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a: How can you tell you are not pregnant? b: I don’t know. a: Like this: I’m not pregnant.

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1,000 people get out of a plane , who hits the ground first? The DEAD guy!!!!

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What goes down well with whiskey? Pedestrians

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Why did the dog cross the road? He didn't, he got run over

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roses are red, violets are blue, poems are stupid, refridgerator

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what did the bot get for his birthday? .. men!

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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