David: Hey dude, I'm so hungry! Jose: Yeah me too David: Wanna get some food? Jose: No, I lied.

thumb_up thumb_down -15

Your mom’s so dumb she forgot to update her WordPress installation and now she has pharmaceutical links all over her page.

thumb_up thumb_down

Why did Sally drop her ice cream cone? Because she had no arms. Knock, Knock! Who's there? Not Sally.

thumb_up thumb_down -2

What do you call a child sitting alone in the back of a bus? Anti-social and on the verge of depression.

thumb_up thumb_down -31

What's the difference between black people and white people? Their skin color.

thumb_up thumb_down +13

How do you make a man cry? you torture him

thumb_up thumb_down -5

What's black and white and red all over? I don't know I asked you

thumb_up thumb_down +22

Why did the boy fall off the bike? Because he was a paraplegic.

thumb_up thumb_down +18

I came up with one when my friend Sam told me the fortune from her Jone's Soda. A change of heart may lead to a new living environment, a change of heart may also lead to death.

thumb_up thumb_down +1

what did the prostitute say to the black man after they had sexual intercorse? I have aids

thumb_up thumb_down -14

What's the difference between victims of Brady and Hindley and a pile of dead babies? Some were born dead and the others were raped then killed.

thumb_up thumb_down +1

What did the lawyer name his daughter. he couldnt because both the baby and his wife died in child birth.

thumb_up thumb_down -36

What did the apple tree say to the farmer? "Stop picking on me"

thumb_up thumb_down +7

Why did Susie fall off of the swing? Because she had no arms or legs. Why did Susie drown? Because she fell in a puddle. Knock knock Who's there Not Suzy!

thumb_up thumb_down +3

What's worse than the holocaust? Microwaveable jellied horse nipple

thumb_up thumb_down +11

What's worse than heartbreak? Getting run over by a steamroller.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

What do you get if you cross a Sheep with a Kangeroo. An abomination unto God.

thumb_up thumb_down +50

Rick Perry.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

Why did the old lady but her Jelly In her roller skates and dress them up like a doll? She has Dementia

thumb_up thumb_down -1

A Muslim walked into a bar. He didn't drink anything

thumb_up thumb_down -44

How do you keep an extraordinary magician from performing his show? Replace his shampoo with battery acid

thumb_up thumb_down +11

why did the plane crash? the pilot was a loaf of bread.

thumb_up thumb_down +44

A moth walks into a podiatrist's office. The podiatrist says, "Moth, what's the problem?" And the moth says, "What's the problem. Well, doc, where do I begin? Every day I get up to another cruel sky. It's like the sun is mocking me as I begin the gruelling preparations for another 8-hours of slogging in meaningless toil for my boss, Gregor McIvanichisky. A grey self, captive in a grey cubicle in a grey office with no windows that I might see the grey clouds beyond... I just sit in my cubicle as I feel the throbbing ache of the best days of my life being raped away into a monotonous, forgettable slurry of irrelevant corporate drudgery. I don't know what I'm doing, I don't think my boss even knows. All he knows is that he has power over me. And my children...my daughter is always on her cellphone, texting and emailing. I haven't spoken real words to her in weeks. My oldest son is never home and when he is, he's locked in his room listening to angry music. My youngest son, he's only 4, I look at him and he asks me to play... and I feel nothing. No love, no tenderness... just a void. And when I look in the mirror...I don't recognize the face staring back at me. It's aged so much from the boyish looks I remember. The years have carved deep lines of despair, worry and anguish. Dark, hollow eyes where once gleamed hope and excitement. Thin lips unable to find the smile of the happy, old days. If only I could find the courage to reach over to the side table and remove the loaded gun. And then find the strength to pull back that hammer as the chamber rotates, clicking solidly into place...Raising it to my temple for the final squeeze that will erase the last shreds of my existence from this cold grave of a life wasted away." And the podiatrist says, "Well, Moth, you're in pretty rough shape. You need to get some help. But why did you come to me? You need a psychiatrist!!" And the moth says... "Because the light was on."

thumb_up thumb_down -7

What do you call a black pilot? a pilot you racist bastard...

thumb_up thumb_down -16

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops