Q: How do you make a fireman cry?? A: Drown his wife

thumb_up thumb_down -1

Why do you never see hippopotamus hiding in trees? They are really good at it.

thumb_up thumb_down

What is worse than something terrible happening to you? That same thing happening to me of course... Duh...

thumb_up thumb_down -1

What did the Jewish man say when he answered the phone? Hello?

thumb_up thumb_down +3

Science debated on whether Dinosaur hide was like leather But though quite absurd They thought, like a bird Velociraptor was covered in feathers.

thumb_up thumb_down -23

why did the lady take anti depressants? because she was depressed

thumb_up thumb_down +56

why do leprecon's laugh when they run through the grass? because it tickel's their balls

thumb_up thumb_down -7

Why can't the T-Rex give high fives? Because they are extinct.

thumb_up thumb_down +4

What's red and smells like blue paint? Red paint.

thumb_up thumb_down +117

Why'd the bird in Ohio fall out of its nest? There was a squirrel that was eaten by a large eagle. The eagle then flew to Ohio and died. Then, a large dog grabbed the Eagles corpse and brought it to his owner. The owner then decided to have it for dinner. Inside the eagle, he found the squirrels bones. He put the bones in a catapult, and sent them flying. The bones hit a car and the car slipped off the road and into a river. Then, a whale put the car on its back and swam to the shore. At the shore, the whale got stranded and sadly died. Crabs surrounded the whale and ate it. One crab then ran away and up a tree. It found a stapler and a rubber dinosaur mask and gave it to a chipmunk. The chipmunk climbed up the tree, stapled nuts into the birds eyes and stapled the rubber dinosaur mask to its face, the bird got scared, and then all of the sudden the chipmunk stapled itself to the birds back. The birds family then came and shoved the two out of the tree because they hated chipmunks, and their son Timmy the bird was a disappointment. The bird and the chipmunk fell and died. That is why the bird fell.

thumb_up thumb_down +4

What would we do with out women? Die and then become extinct

thumb_up thumb_down +8

So a moose walks into a grocery store and asks the clerk, who is a penguin, "Where's the bread?" And the penguin says "On isle three!" But, when the moose gets to isle three... The bread isn't there!

thumb_up thumb_down -2

Why did the girl fall off the swing? she had no arms Knock Knock Who's There not the girl

thumb_up thumb_down +16

So a guy walks into the doctors and say "Doctor it hurts when i poke my knee like this" the doctor says "Let me see your hand" the doctor squeezes the patients finger and the patient says "ow!" the doctor says "now poke you knee again" the patient pokes his knee and says "it still hurts" so the doctor comes to a conclusion and says " you dont have a broken kneecap you have a broken finger, stupid, now get out and leave me alone!"

thumb_up thumb_down -13

A guy walks into the bathroom, sits down and poops.

thumb_up thumb_down +25

roses are red, violets? are blue, Im not good at poems, tits

thumb_up thumb_down +15

Q:How many babies does it take to paint a room? A:It depends how hard you throw them

thumb_up thumb_down -6

Why did the cat die? Because it got shot by a teenager who was promply put in juvi and was fined $100,000 for animal abuse. The parents gave up on him and didn't pay the fine or bail and left their son to rot in jail.

thumb_up thumb_down -15

No entiendo PORQUE cada día amanezco

thumb_up thumb_down +24

What does a turtle do on its back? NOTHING!

thumb_up thumb_down +8

Q: Why did the black man shit himself? A: He experienced post-mortem bowel release after he was murdered due to his racial identification.

thumb_up thumb_down -6

why did the man get arrested? because he was a thief, and thieving is completely unacceptable in a civilised society

thumb_up thumb_down -2

whos on the right track? lady gaga

thumb_up thumb_down -9

1,2 Freddy's Coming For You 3'4 Better Lock Your Doors 5'6 Grab Your Crucifix 7'8 Stay Up Late 9'10 Never Sleep Again Bonus 11'12 He's Gonna See You In Hell

thumb_up thumb_down +36

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops