Do you want to hear some bad news? My wife just died Do you want to hear some good news? I'm single

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A barrel of monkeys is only a barrel of laughs if they're alive and telling jokes.

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How did the little boy survive the massacre? He didn't. How did the little girl survive the massacre? She was the killer.

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What does a dog in a microwave look like? You tell me, I normally close my eyes when I masturbate ?_?

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You are the third derivative of the position function.

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what did the white car look like... a black car but the color is different

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What's the main reason for divorce? Marriage.

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Why couldn't the girl swing on the swing set? She had no arms.

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A woman becomes pregnant. 9 months later she has a baby.

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What's black, white, and red all over? A intro of darkness, then redness then whiteness

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What gets louder as it gets smaller? A baby in a trash compactor

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What's the easiest way to burn calories? Set a fat kid on fire.

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A man was driving to work when he realized he hadn't told his wife happy anniversary. He turned the car around to head back home only to remember that their anniversary was on Friday, not Thursday. The man shared some nervous laughter with himself as the radio played in the background. He continued on toward work and had a run of the mill day meeting with potential clients.

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Whats funny about a guinea pig water skiing? The part where he explodes.

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A girl asked for lip balm. She put some on and her lips exploded.

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What do an apple and a banana have in common? They are both not cookies

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My girlfriend dumped me because I'm patronizing. That means I treat people like they're stupid.

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"Hey dude, wanna come with me??" "Sure! Where????" "To the gorcery store, I need to buy a couple of lemons."

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Q: How many jews does it take to screw in a light bulb? A: 6 million and 1

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roses are red violets are blue daffodils are yellow pansies are pink

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Why did Mufasa miss his doctor's appointment? Because he was trampled to death by wildebeest

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What do you call a black man in a pumpkin patch? His name is Bill.

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You know what's really long? The bread lines in Africa

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justin bieber: ask me if im a boy are you a boy? no.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops