A panda walks into a restaurant, sits down and orders a sandwich. After he finishes eating the sandwich, the panda pulls out a gun and shoots the waiter, and then stands up to go. "Hey!" shouts the manager. "Where are you going? You just shot my waiter and you didn't pay for your sandwich!" The panda yells back at the manager, "Hey man, I am a PANDA! Look it up!" The manager's heart skipped a beat, and he locked himself inside his office, trembling with fear and confusion. Yes, it was plausible that a beast such as this could point to a random entry on the menu, and it was physically possible for it to pull the trigger of the gun (and, at such close proximity to the waiter, it would be pretty hard to miss him), but it was shocking and altogether disturbing to hear such an animal speak in human language, much less vernacular English.

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Why don't women need watches? Because most people carry cell phones that tells them the time making watches redundant and obsolete.

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The racist uncle went to attend his nieces bat-mitzvah. Although he is racist, he is smart enough to not speak his mind, for he is in a temple, and may offend many people at the service.

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Knock Knock, Who's There? Come in. Come in who? Your mom

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Knock Knock Who's there? *silence* Silence Who?

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A man walks into a bar. "Excuse me sir," he asks, "may I have a beer?" "No," says the bartender.

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Q: What's the best way to get a woman to stalk talking? A: Ask them nicely.

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life is like a box of chocolates... it doesnt last long for fat peopl

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A horse, a duck, a pig, and a muslim walk into bar. The horse ducks, the duck's hoarse, the pig's in a blanket, and the muslim has a can, being surprised at how far a can can preach hate in chicago. The bartender reminds the muslim that he is keeping company with a swine, and the muslim feels offended for the poor horse.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? He was being chased by other cannibal chickens.

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Contrary to the popular saying, "An apple a day keeps the doctor away," if you get cancer there's nothing an apple can do...

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What's worse than finding a worm in your apple? Getting your balls chewed off by a rottweiler.

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A baby seal walks into a club. :|

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Why did the blonde get fired from the m&m factory? She made skittles.

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A man walks into a bar and orders two shots the bartender then picks up his shotgun and gives it to him

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Why was the woman arrested for trying to have sex with a miner? Because he was on the job and her advances were completely unwanted.

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What did the penguin say to the peacock? Die, you homosexual!

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Why did the bus crash? The driver was a loaf of bread.

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Your mom is not fat!

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A baby seal walks into a club.

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Why is OK SUK WHANG's name on a gravestone? She thought she was way better than okay.

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If a man shouts in a forest and there is no woman around to hear him, is he still wrong? He could be, he could not be. It really depends on what he says. The greater concern is that he's shouting alone in the forest. Either he's in trouble or he has a major psychology disorder.

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why was the clown sad? died of cancer and left his loving family to fend for themselves in this cruel, cruel world.

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there once was a little boy who lived in a little house with his little parents who ate little food. one day the boy went on a website called antijokes and he started to read a joke, by the time he had gotten to the end of the joke he realized that there was no punchline but it was very lenghty and quite pointless.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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