What is green, dangorous, slow, defencive, and scared? A turtle with a uzi.

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Q:Whats worse, being chased by a chainsaw or being dunked on by LeBron James? A:Since a chainsaw has one of the sharpest metal blades know to mankind, it would be the chainsaw. Although this reguires effort, it is a known fact that Lebron James has been dunked on by some kid at Xaiver, so I would think the chainsaw would hurt more.

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what did one toilet say to the other toilet? i would love to flush u

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When is a car not a car? When it's scrapped and turned into license plates.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? It didn't. It was already in the oven.

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why did the chicken cross the road. to get to the other side. but it didnt. ROADKILL

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Two men were walking down the road when one of them spotted an old lamp lying in a ditch. After examining the lamp's handiwork for several seconds one man rubbed the lamp with his shirt sleeve. The men then continued down the road.

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A: Is this the Krusty Krab? B: No, this is Pizza Hut. Please stop prank calling us.

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Why can't Benitio Mussolini win the war? Becuase he's dead.

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whats yellow and cant swim? A bulldozer

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A brick bent down to suck my flapjack, Then he got stuck, oh what the unpleasant, This angered the brick, he lay on the grass, he shoved a stick straight up his bellybutton.

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Knock knock *No one was home*

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Q: What's the hardest part about eating a vegetable? A: The wheel chair.

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What do you call a dog with no legs? You don't, it won't come.

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Are you from Tennessee? cuz i wanna makeout with your face.

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A girl and a boy where sitting on a couch together. The boy told the girl politly that she hass gained a significant amount of weight and should lose it. She then pulled out a candy bar in her back pocket and shoved it down his throat, to which he suffocated, because she was on her period when to comment was made.

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What do you call a dude dinosaur that's into other dude dinosaurs? A Bi-ceritops

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Not everyone with a mustache is a child molester, but not every child molester has a mustache.

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Did you hear the joke about Hellen Kellers dad? It was very funny

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When does the baby talk When you remove ypur feet from its mouth

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An overzealous adventurer takes a trip to the Congo in Central Africa. While exploring the dense jungles, he accidentally drinks water that is contaminated with a very rare virus. He lives through the pain of the virus for many years. About 10 years after his trip to Africa, researchers discover a cure for the adventurer's virus. He goes to the clinic to get his shot to kill the virus. Exhilarated, the now cured adventurer runs out of the clinic but fails to look both ways while crossing the street and gets hit by and ambulance and dies.

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What did the customer say to the waitier? "I think I'll have the special."

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why did the old lady come home late? she got raped.

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A rabbi and a priest walk into a bar, they manage to have a delightful evening, despite their religious differences.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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