roses are red, violets are blue, I have a gun, get in the van

thumb_up thumb_down -29

A blonde heard that 90% of all crimes occur within a one-mile radius of the home, so she had a security alarm installed.

thumb_up thumb_down -15

13

thumb_up thumb_down -19

My friends a Jehovahs Witness. He got all pissed at me because he tried to tell me a knock knock joke and I ignored him.......i totally stole this joke lol.

thumb_up thumb_down +12

Two guys walk into a bar. The third guy ducks.

thumb_up thumb_down +19

Patient- "Doctor, doctor help me! I've only got 59 seconds to live!" Doctor- "I'll be there in a minute."

thumb_up thumb_down -5

Jesus walks into a hotel, slams four nails down on the counter, and says, "Put me up for the night!" The concierge looks at him and says, "You're not Jesus. Jesus was brutally murdered approximately 1,970 years ago. And although I may not be a believer, his teachings have brought comfort and solace to millions of people around the world. Nor do we accept nails as payment. Please remove yourself from the premises or I will call security."

thumb_up thumb_down +43

Timmy needed to use the restroom in class, so he raised his hand and asked, "Can I go use the restroom?". The teacher said " I don't know, CAN you?" Timmy said, "When I was using "can" I was using its secondary model form as a verbal modifier asking for permission, as opposed to expressing an ability. I thought since you were a teacher you'd know that. My bad. MAY I use the restroom?"

thumb_up thumb_down +25

Bitch! Love, J.B.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

Want to hear a joke? ... Oh dear, I can't think of any. Golly, this is embarrassing.

thumb_up thumb_down -25

Roses are blue violets are red pull down ur pants and get in my bed :D

thumb_up thumb_down -36

I got into an argument with my friend the other day. He contested that the onion was the only food that could make you cry, so I beat his wife to death with a coconut,

thumb_up thumb_down +12

Who won the race across the highway, the Mexican or the Frenchman? Neither, as they were struck by a mac truck when attempting to run across the highway and were both killed instantly on impact.

thumb_up thumb_down +34

A horse walks into a bar. The bartender asks "Why the long face?". The horse does not respond because it is a horse. It can neither speak nor understand English. It is confused by its surroundings and gallops out of the bar, knocking over a few tables.

thumb_up thumb_down -5

Why was six afraid of seven? because seven has cold, dead eyes.

thumb_up thumb_down -18

Gay republicans

thumb_up thumb_down -3

I told my friend a joke. He didn't laugh, I asked why. He said he was autistic and he does not understand humor.

thumb_up thumb_down +8

Why didn't the man win the lottery? Because his lottery numbers weren't drawn.

thumb_up thumb_down +6

Why are Germans good at soccer The Holocost

thumb_up thumb_down -15

Mum makes $97 per hour working online? Offline I can see , but online, mmm pull the other one, it plays lossless codecs

thumb_up thumb_down +3

Roses are red Violets are blue And so avatars And so is blue paint

thumb_up thumb_down -29

A gorilla walks into the DMV to apply for a drivers license. Turns out it was just some guy in a gorilla suit doing a prank. Everybody instantly realized this at the time since gorillas aren't indigenous to the local area. They guy responsible was charged with a small fine for public mischief.

thumb_up thumb_down

What's worse than crying over spilt milk? The Holocaust.

thumb_up thumb_down +47

some kid told me pink dolphin clothiing was nigged, so i took an eraser , gave it to his sister and beat the poop out of hiis car ON A THURSDAY!!!!!!

thumb_up thumb_down -17

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops