Rose is Red Violet Blew Mustard is in Clue … What about Moni-… ahhh my eye!

thumb_up thumb_down -88

What's the difference between a Justin Beiber concert and a hedgehog? With a hedgehog, the pricks are on the outside, but in a Justin Beiber concert, the pricks are on the inside.

thumb_up thumb_down +11

What do you say if you see a black man with blood on his hands and he has a mask on? Thank you doctor for saving my sons life!

thumb_up thumb_down -23

Q: How do you get 1000 babies into a bucket? A: A blender. Q: How do you get them out? A: Tortilla chips.

thumb_up thumb_down

Women drivers...

thumb_up thumb_down -34

Wanna hear a funny joke? I can't think of one at the moment...

thumb_up thumb_down +18

Yo mama so stupid that when she missed the 44 bus, she took the 22 twice instead

thumb_up thumb_down +7

I see London, I see France. Wow! This high-speed train that travels across Europe is amazing!

thumb_up thumb_down +13

Q: why did the chicken cross the road? A: to get to the gay guy's house knock knock who's there? the chicken

thumb_up thumb_down -16

What is 0+0? 0, I am not dumb

thumb_up thumb_down +24

stop it ryan vallee

thumb_up thumb_down +24

A man walks into the market. He asks a young attractive employee in a smooth voice, "Do you have any honey here, baby?" The employee responds, "No sir. I'm sorry."

thumb_up thumb_down +16

A man walked into a bar, and clutched his stomach in pain as it was a steel bar and it hurts when you walk right into a steel bar.

thumb_up thumb_down -17

Three blind mice. See how they run. Into things.

thumb_up thumb_down -8

What's worse than a black guy? Two black guys....and a dead white man.

thumb_up thumb_down +1

I saw a dog pick up a dead bird with its mouth. Crazy cause the bird had ants and maggots all over it, it smelled bad. Well anyways the dog drops it, and he stares at it for a few seconds. Then another dog comes and tilts his head. I'm guessing he's confused and is like "why did you pick that gross thing up? " So they both leave the bird there, in the first dog's owner's backyard. (He was on the cemented porch, not the grass. Just so you can picture it better) Okay well the two dogs go to the park, hoping to get some action with other dogs. Yeah, they were out of luck. There was no one there cause it was Christmas Eve. Who goes to the park on Christmas Eve? Do you? I know I don't. So the two dogs walk out of the park, heads down because well they're sad. On their way out, they see a dog with a bird in its mouth. They keep going because the dog was ugly, heading to the neighborhood going to the first dog's owner's backyard. They take a sip of water from the stainless steel bowl, munch out on some dog food. The dog food was from a 50 pound bag of dog food, it had all the nutrients and vitamins and minerals dogs need to be healthy. Oh and the brand was Iams. Pedigree is for owners that obviously don't care for their dogs cause Pedigree sucks. The owner of the first dog bought the food at the nearest PETCO for around 30$ That's crazy. 30$ for dog food. That's a good owner spending good money on his dog. I would do the same. So when the dogs were done eating, the first dog looks for the dead bird. (The bird the first dog had picked up at the beginning of the story) Turns out the bird is missing. Where could it have gone? The two dogs look everywhere. Then after 20 minutes the second dog says "Hey! We're being clumsy. The third dog had a bird exactly like yours! " So they run to the park hoping they'll find the third dog. He wasn't in anyone's sight until suddenly a familiar voice coming from behind says "Looking for this, Bimbos? What fool would leave such a delicious bird like this in their owner's backyard? " The first dog says "Hey! Give me back my bird! " The third dog refuses. So they begin to fight. Then the second dog snatches the bird And runs away with the bird. The two fighting dogs are still fighting till they notice the horrible stench is gone. The second dog isn't anywhere in sight. That shit cray.

thumb_up thumb_down -8

Why did the chicken cross the road? He was jewish and saw a nickel on the other side

thumb_up thumb_down

"Is your fridge running?" "Yes, I believe so" "You'd better go make sure, because I put some chicken in there and it didn't seem very cold to me"

thumb_up thumb_down +19

What's sad about a pile of dead people? They didn't have life insurance.

thumb_up thumb_down -25

What's worse than finding a worm in your apple? The Holocaust.

thumb_up thumb_down -32

Whats big, purple and hairy. Has 4 eyes and 2 brains? Nothing.

thumb_up thumb_down -15

MILLERS FUNNY LIKE A JEW

thumb_up thumb_down -1

A man walks into a vagina

thumb_up thumb_down -2

roses are red vilest are blue shes mine and if you take my place my fist will go in your face

thumb_up thumb_down -14

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops