What word starts with "N" and ends with "R" that you never want to call a black person? ni**er

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What's worse than being arrested? Being arrested twice

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Who smokes a lot of weed and speaks 5 different languages? Rosetta Stoner.

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How do you stop a man from jumping off a building? Push him off a building.

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Ted Haggard.

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What do you call an asian plumber? A plumber.

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Penis.

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Q: A blonde, a red-head, and a brunette all jump off the bridge at the same time. Who hits the ground first? A: As stated by Sir Isaac Newton's third law of gravitation, all three fall to their deaths at the exact same time because the velocity of a falling object is unaffected by the mass of that object... or their hair colour. Idiot.

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Why did the black guy eat KFC? Cause he was hungry.

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What would be the consequence of a terrorist detonating a 500 kT nuclear bomb in Manhattan? A ridiculous question. All enriched uranium in Pakistan is safe and out of reach of terrorists, their govt. has assured. Please ask about realistic scenarios next time.

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If a man shouts in a forest and there is no woman around to hear him, is he still wrong? He could be, he could not be. It really depends on what he says. The greater concern is that he's shouting alone in the forest. Either he's in trouble or he has a major psychology disorder.

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If olive oil is made of olives, calculate the mass of the sun.

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Who are the faster readers? New Yorkers, they through 110 stories in 5 seconds

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You dork, seriously, the comment where I mentioned that I am married is like 60000 comments PAGES behind. What? Now you ashamed of losing your, I mean I can say that I am your first right? That I am going to stick my MANFLESH into your CHERRY AND POP IT RIGHT? JUST TRYING TO BE SUBTLE HERE! Seriously though, Your name is really Tifa? And you look a FUCKING HELL A LOT Like Tifa From Final Fantasy... You know, except she has gigantic feet and no lips and you know...

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Why couldn't Scruffy get out from under the car? It had parked on his skull.

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Mom: what does IDK, LY, and TTYL mean? Son: I don't know, love you, and talk to you later. Mom: OK, I'll ask your sister.

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Sally went to an R-Kelly concert what happend when she came out? No one because R-Kelly peed on sally and cops came in.

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Don't think of granny porn

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Knock, knock Who's there? The electrician And about bloody time too, you'd better come in.

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What does your girlfriend eat every morning that is white, warm and sticky? Oatmeal

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Q: what do you call someone on Anti Jokes A: Someone with no friends trying to find a funny joke to make friends.

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did you hear about the fly on the toilet? i heard he got pissed off!

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What do you call a muslim behind the controls of an airliner? A pilot you rascist.

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why did the 11 year old boy stick his hand in a lawnmower nobody knows he hasnt come out of the coma yet

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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