what's black and can't swim?

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Knock Knock Who's there? Its the pizza man. Get your yellow no good keister off my property before I pump your guts full of lead. 1,2...10

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Why was the boys dick hard? Because he stuck it in a hole in the snow.

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What device will find furniture in a poorly lit room every time? An infrared camera.

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1 + 1 = 11 Just kidding, it's 2 you moron.

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Why did the plane leave late? Because they were out of Kellogg's® Breakfast Cereal.

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Q:why did the woman make a sandwitch. A: cause she is a woman

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What's black and doesn't work? My Blackberry, but luckily it was still under guarantee and the situation was solved swiftly and relatively drama free.

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minorities

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Why did the chicken cross the road? To get to your house. Knock, Knock. Who's there? ........Chicken...?

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Two men walk into a bar, the third one ducks.

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Why was he arrested? He broke the law.

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jamie looks at jacob for arousment. jacob looks at his dog.........

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Why is Jesus not real? Because Chuck Norris is still alive.

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An eyeball walks into a bar and the bartender asks him what he would like. The bartender promptly wakes up in jail because he was caught having a meth lab in his basement.

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Transformers: Shadow of the Dark Risen Monday. The Autobots starring in more explosions, more random fighting! Zero narrative nor explanations! One constant explosion trough the whole movie! But do not worry! Did you believe that the final battle versus Optimus Prime and his evil Dimensional counterpart Optimal Evilus would be the ones fighting at standing at the end? NO! This is far more exciting! 16 year old Nick is seeking the love of his life in the 42 year old grandmother Mirabella Torres, and ends up proving his love by pushing the button that instantly kills Optimal Evilus`s ultimate form Evilus Supreme! "WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT?" Honest reviews. "Yeah we love it that part where Optimus Prime forgets who is fighting and beats the shit out of Jazz and his totally non racist MonkeyBot Obamabus, seriously, this needs to die" Transformers lovers. "You gotta love that scene where Megatron starts blowing up his own allies because explosions!" Transformersmoviefans.com. "So why did Optimus Prime refuse to kill his Evil dimensional brother thing? I mean he was from another dimension, why did he go around like "NO HE IS MY BROTHER IN SOME DIMENSION! YOU MUST INSERT THE SPARK INSIDE ME DEEP INSIDE ME NICKY! DEEPER!" People Magazine. "So this time they just made the Decepticon`s weakness a button so small only a human can push it huh?" People... Just people. "MY EAAAAAAAAARSSSS!" MICHAELBAYGAVEMEPTSD.ORG. Moral: Wow it says skynet is watching all the time now at solvemedia, unexpected considering the first thing I posted was the terminator XXXV thing. So, is it some sort of easter egg feature? I mean I would not believe myself if someone told me that.... Which is actually what makes this kinda creepy...

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among liedbtt is my Captcha code

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what did the dog say to the mailman? woof.

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What do you call red eyes in the dark? A high black man

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What is worse than having sex with a dead baby in front of it's mother? Not a lot.

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What did the calculator screen say? Cos0=1

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There are two muffins in an oven. The first muffin says, "Is it just me, or is it getting hot in here?". The second one says, "Hey, look! A talkin' muffin!".

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roses are red violets are blue i have deep vein thrombosis .... perpendicular albatross

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The First National Tree Bank just closed down. Don't worry it started a brand new branch.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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