how do u make a snooker table laugh? TICKLE ITS BALLS HAHA

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What do you call two spaniards talking in French. Bilingual.

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What's big, white and will killl you if it falls out of a tree? A polar bear.

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Why couldn't the 14 year old find a date? Because he had a speech impediment and girls avoided him usually.

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Roses are Red Violets are Red My Garden is on Fire.

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What do you call a midget driving a train? A conductor

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"Guess what I was doing in my room last night with the door closed with my hand?" "Please don't say what I think you're going to say" "What? I was just cleaning my room."

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Why can't Helen Keller read? Because she is dead.

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Why don't you ever want to greet your friend Jack on the plane? Because your wife cheated on you with him and she is having his baby, if you were to even think about talking to Jack, you'd end up slitting his throat and throwing him off the side of the plane into a crocodile pit where they will make a feast of his body for the next couple days... So just don't greet Jack

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When is a door not a door? When your burns down.

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Where do you go when you find a fork in the road? To the nearest restaurant.

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Why did Suzy fall off the swing? Because Suzy had no arms.

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Why did they bury the pope on the side of the hill? Because he is dead

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What can a bench do, that a south African man cant? Support a family. (I HOPE THAT WASN'T RACIST)

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Why did Willy kill the black man? Because not.

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A black person went into a store and paid full price for his tv

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Why was the deer afraid of the hunter because the smell of toasters

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A Priest and a Rabbi walk into a bar together. They discuss the fundamentals and aspects of Religion.

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Dear Reader I am writing to express my complete and utter disdain toward the subject of your face. Rarely have I to witness such a repugnant sight. I would like to inform you that, upon most regrettably witnessing your face, my delicate stomach muscles gave way, and my morning meal, of lightly buttered Kipper and freshly squeezed orange juice most unfortunately ended up in one of the seventeen human waste disposal outlets to adorn my manor house. I struggle to comprehend how you, being such a selfish sadist, are able to live with yourself, knowing how much dismay you have caused me. Might I suggest that you pay a visit to a prosthetic plastic surgeon, in order to prevent other innocent's to suffer as did I. I request politely, but please be firmly assured in the knowledge that I will complain to the magnificent force of the police should you not comply with my reasonable request. Your face simply can not be allowed to exist in it's current form. I would go so far to say that it may be a danger to the elder's of our society, with their regrettably weak hearts.

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What did the muffin, say to the other muffin? Nothing. Because muffin's are inanimate objects, therefore incapable of speech, or any other sentient action. They baked quietly until the man who was baking them came to the conclusion they were fit for consumption, devoured them, and went on with his day.

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how do you drown a blonde? strategically place a scratch and sniff sticker at the bottom of a swimming pool (or just a regular sticker because, quite honestly, they won't be able to tell the difference as the water fills their lungs)

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Knock, Knock. Who's there? Disc . Disc Who. Disconnected.

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Two guys walk into a bar, the third one ducks.

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What did the man with a cold say when a jew walked into a bar? Hahaha you walked into a bar. What did the man with a cold say when a jew walked into a pub? AHH-JOOOOO!!!

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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