how do you decrease the unemployment figures? abolish lidle, aldi, and netto

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So one time there was this woman learning...

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What did Santa say when he fell down? Ouch

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How many people with Alzheimers does it take to change a lightbulb? To get to the other side.

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How can you tell if someone is a global warming alarmist? Their IQ on average is 10 points below normal

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What's two plus two? Window

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your mom is so stupid she did not do so well on her IQ test

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Why did the chicken cross the road? He was attempting to get back to his farm.

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Ding-Dong.............no knock-knocking required

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Why did the chicken cross the road? There must have been something that peaked her interest.

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How many gay men does it take to screw in a light bulb? One. He was happy to do it.

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What did the homeless man say to the rich man? Can i have some food?

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Why was the Japanese man unable to see? Because it was extremely sunny outside and he had forgotten to wear sunglasses.

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So, as everyone knows, two different species (flavors) of cheerios cannot mate, right (common knowledge)? That is, if one is honey-nut and another is blueberry, they cannot mate. Anyway, there is this one normal cheerio that is in love with a blueberry cheerio. Unfortunately, he cannot mate with her. He can't even communicate with her because they are of different species. So, he invents a machine that changes all of his CNA (Cheerio DNA) into whichever type of cheerio that he wants. However, this machine performs a process that is extraordinarily painful, because that sort of thing would hurt. Anyway. He does it, and the normal flavored cheerio becomes a blueberry cheerio. Unfortunately, this girl cheerio hates him so much that she invents an identical machine and does the process on herself in order to become a cinnamon-apple cheerio, just so she can avoid this creeper. So, she does it. The boy cheerio is starting to get upset at this because he really wants her. So he tells himself that he will go through the pain for her, and becomes a cinnamon-apple cheerio. She then changes to a honey-nut cheerio! He decides that this is the last time that he will change cheerio type. He does it, and she changes one more time, into a normal cheerio - the kind he originally was. So he says out loud, "Okay, this is really the last time. If she changes again, I will just stay back with my family." So he becomes a normal cheerio again, and she doesn't change fast enough for him to put his moves on her. So, they start dating, and he finally asks her to the Formal Bowl (ahaha, get it, bowl instead of ball). Anyway, they get there and dance intensely for a few hours. They do all different kinds of dances. They do the tango, which was not very good. Also, they square dance, like rednecks. Finally, they get tired and she sends the boy cheerio to the milk bowl (you know, since it's a cereal dance, they have that and punch). He gets there and stands in line for ten minutes. Finally fed up at the really long line, he looks over at the bowl of punch and realizes there is no punch line.

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Two cows are standing in a field. One cow says "MOOOOO!". The other makes an unremarkably similar noise.

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melon

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what do you tell a woman with two black eyes? nothing, you already told her twice.

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Shut up max im not fucking demented u dickhead

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What did the Canadian Goose say to the Snow Goose? You're white.

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What does a man like. food.

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How many fairies does it take to screw in a light bulb? If you still believe in fairies, there's something wrong with you.

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what do you call a bird that is gay bird a gaybird

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Why did the homeless man get a house key cut? He didn't he's homeless.

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A dog walks into a bar and falls on his butt beacause dogs cant walk.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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