How many women does it take to ski across the pit of lava? None, they would burn and die.

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A penguin is driving through the desert when his car breaks down. He has it towed to a service station in the nearest town to be repaired. The mechanic tells him that it may be a while so he might want to take a stroll around town, find something to do for a while and check back a little later for an update. The penguin decides that as it is so hot in the desert town, and he is accustomed to a much cooler climate, he might enjoy a bit of ice cream. He walks to the local ice cream parlor, orders a large vanilla cone, and proceeds to devour the treat in a flash, covering himself in ice cream in the process. He has ice cream on his flippers, his face, and all down his stomach; he is virtually covered in the white, sticky goo. Upon returning to the service station to check in on the mechanic and his car, the mechanic say to him, "Well, it looks like the seal on your head gasket leaked, the transmission is shot, and you appear to be covered in ice cream." To which the penguin replies, "Yes, I have made quite the mess of myself. Today just isn't my day."

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why did the black man leave his home because there was a hurricane that would have killed him if he stayed.

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How many kids with ADD does it take to screw in a lightbulb Wanna go ride bikes?

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why did Sally fall of the swing....she had no arms. knock knock who's there? NOT Sally.....

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Do you know why children in Africa don't read Harry Potter too much? Because they can't read.

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Knock, knock. Who's there? Interrupting Cow. Interru--- MOO! I'm so sorry, I have Tourette's Syndrome and cannot control these sudden outbursts. Please continue.

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Bacon makes everything delicious, yes? And coffee makes everything exciting, yes? Put the two together and you get a caffeinated porky roller coaster in your mouth.

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why did the irishman leave the bar he had to go to his sons birthday party

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what would happen if you took all the veins out of your body and laid them out tip to tip? you die

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What's worse than finding ants in your kitchen? A truckload of dead babies.

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What's sad about a mexican man dying in a car crash? He had a family that loved and cared for him.

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whats worse than 911 nothing you cant beat 911that sucked

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Dear Board of education, so are we.

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What do you call a woman with a black eye and several cuts on her face? The police and perhaps a social help hotline. She now feels safer and more secure and will go on to lead a happy life thanks to you speaking out on her behalf.

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why did rosa parks get moved to the back of the bus? she didnt call shotgun

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Lol Nerochan, that was like totally awesome!

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What's awesome and looks like a pumpkin? An awesome pumpkin.

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Q: What did Batman say to Robin before they got in the bat mobile? A: Robin get in the bat mobile.

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So a horse walks into a bar, oh wait Sarah Jessica Parker

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When Chuck Norris dives into a pool... he gets wet due to the aqueous nature of the water

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Why did the guy go to the strip club? To look at naked people.

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What is the difference between a Ferrari and 1,000 dead babies? I don't have a Ferrari in my garage.

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Why is Stevie Wonder called Stevie Wonder? Wonder where I am.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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