what happend to the kid standing on a railway, he got hit by a train

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So there were these two ovens in a muffin. One oven said "Holy fuck it's muffiny in here." The other oven said "Holy fuck a talking oven!"

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Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? Somebody pushed it

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tomatoe tomato my toe is named tom

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whats worse then finding a worm in your apple? this overused joke

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What do you call a mexican with a driveable lawnmower? Rather wealthy.. He must have a secure job to pay for a home with a lawn, and a lawnmower.

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An old bear-wrestler dies and finds himself at the pearly gates. Confused and at a loss for words due to the unfamiliar circumstance and lack of public toilets, he blurts out "Saint Peter, I presume?" but it was just the train conductor. "Ticket please." He searched his pockets and finally found the ticket. He wished he had a dog, but not a seeing-eye dog because people would assume he was blind. This story illustrates the importance of situational awareness, remembering which pocket you put your ticket in, and not forgetting to go before you leave because you don't know when you'll be able to find a restroom.

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Theres a man with 2 eyes.

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What did the grape do after it was stepped on? Nothing, as it was incapacitated, and even under normal circumstances, it would be incapable of performing any voluntary actions as it is only a grape.

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A piece of shit gets flushed down the toilet. The end.

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How do you fit 100 babies in a bucket? put them in a blender. How do you get them out? potato chips.

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Why did Prius driver go to jail? Because he ran over someone and then fled the scene of the crime (at 11 mph)

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An Irishman walked into a pub.... He never left.

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Why did Sara fall off the swing? Because she had no arms... Knock knock. Who's there? Not Sara.

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What do you call an African man with no legs? Murderer

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Womens rights

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Why doesn't Michael Jackson like toast? Because he's dead.

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How do you kill a zombie? You don't. Zombies aren't real.

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What is the difference between a pizza and a Black guy? A pizza can serve a family of four.

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Q: Why did the chicken cross the road? A: Its a chicken, giving it the tendencies to wander if not properly fenced in.

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What did the Buddhist say to the hot dog vendor? I don't eat hot dogs. Thank you though.

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What is the difference between Tiger Woods and Santa? Santa stops after 3 hos

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Why did the teacher need sunglasses? Because she taught in a classroom with a very big window and the sun kept getting in her eyes.

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Knock, knock. Come in!

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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