So a guy says to his dog "hey man when you piss in the toilet can you please flush, just because I don't like to look at your pee." then the dog sits back and says "...woof !!"

thumb_up thumb_down -6

Why did the girl throw away her hairspray? Because she realized the harmful contaminants emitted from the nozzle were expediting the deterioration of the ozone layer thus contributing to global warming.

thumb_up thumb_down -2

The President, The Pope, and a small child are all in an airplane when the pilot announces that the plane is going to crash. They crash into the ocean and quickly remember that there is a life vest under their seats, which they promptly put on and safely inflate after exiting the cabin of the aircraft.

thumb_up thumb_down +5

Why did Susie drop her ice cream? She was hit by a bus. Knock knock Who's there? Not Susie.

thumb_up thumb_down +6

the next time someone says "yolo" im going to pull out my shotgun and reply "sadly..."

thumb_up thumb_down +7

A woman is walking down the street. A midget approaches her and with his keen sense of smell, informs the tall woman of her delicious scent and says, "Ma'am your hair smells lovely, may I please take a closer sniff?" Then woman obliges and the midget is arrested for alleged rape, or as he put it, trying to sniff her vagina.

thumb_up thumb_down -2

Whats worse than a mother of 3 children, jumping off a bridge, smashing into the metal roof of a large car and dieing on impact? A mother of 3 children jumping off a bridge, smashes into the metal roof of a large car, survives,, becomes paralyzed, and has to explain to her children, why she is in a wheel chair for the rest of her life.

thumb_up thumb_down +32

Q-What happens when you grow tomatoes in Kansas on an odd number year when its an average of 398degrees Kelvin ? A-You eat em

thumb_up thumb_down -15

Why did Mark get paralyzed? Because he was a famed football player that went drafted for the 1st pick but was later hit so hard that his spine com pulsed and tore

thumb_up thumb_down -14

What's funnier than a dead baby? A dead baby in a clown suit

thumb_up thumb_down +23

Why did the duck walk on the moon? Because it was his lifelong goal

thumb_up thumb_down -25

Black people.

thumb_up thumb_down -6

Why did the black man buy watermellon? Because he was having a barbecue in his suburban neighborhood and he wanted some fruit.

thumb_up thumb_down

what do a carrot and an elephant have in common? theyre both orange except for the elephant.

thumb_up thumb_down -14

What did the deaf, dumb, blind, parapalegic kid get for Christmas? Cancer

thumb_up thumb_down +22

How do you make asian ice cream you mix it with a textbook

thumb_up thumb_down -17

stop it ryan vallee

thumb_up thumb_down +23

Why did the monkey fall from the tree? Because he was dead.

thumb_up thumb_down -8

Knock Knock Who's there? Banana Oh hey Banana what's up? Nothing much. You? Oh nothing, I was just talking to Apple here. Oh hey Apple. Hey.

thumb_up thumb_down -13

whats the worst kind of homework? child abuse

thumb_up thumb_down

Ask me if I'mm a candy cane. Shutup, there are a lot of these types of jokes. Create your own you poophead.

thumb_up thumb_down -20

What happened when the homosexual man came out of the closet? He was congratulated for winning the hide and seek contest.

thumb_up thumb_down +40

What do you call a chair in the middle of the road? A danger to drivers.

thumb_up thumb_down -16

Why did the frog cross the road? Because it was stapled to the chicken.

thumb_up thumb_down -15

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops