Why didn't the woman cross the road? She died from breast cancer.

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How come Tommy isn't allowed to sing anymore? Because he has a punctured artery, collapsed lung, fractured ribcage, and a failed organ...

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What's funnier than my jokes? your face.

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The chicken didn't cross the road. Therefor, there is no why.

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what do you call it when justin beiber makes a sex tape with selina gomez? lesbian porn.

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Morgan Freeman walks into a bar. Everyone is pleasantly surprised they are in the presence of a celebrity.

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Q: How do you fit two beluga whales into a mini van? A: You don't.

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What do you call a women with two black eyes? Someone trapped in the cycle of violence that is domestic abuse. The few friends and family members she still speaks with tell she should leave. They don't know about the last time she threatened to leave him, when he held a gun to her throat and screamed "You try an leave me I'll kill you and your precious god damn babies!" Now she suffers silently for fear of what he might do to her family, but is increasingly worried about the way her husband has begun looking at their 13 year old daughter. Every night she kneels at the foot of her bed and prays for death, over the sounds of her own sobbing and her husbands drunken rage. Also she is a slow learner.

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What's black, blue, and red all over? A baby after I kill it

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A horse walks into a bar, and the bartender says "why the long face?" The horse says "I just found out I have AIDS"

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Who is Jim Wonderbread? A whorrible person

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Roses are red Violets are blue I gotta go to the bathroom

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What did the elephant say to the poacher? Answer: Dear God in heaven, please don't kill me for my ivory.

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Roses are red, violets are blue, you are my slave, get back to work!

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When life gives you: High Fructose Corn Syrup,Citric Acid, Ascorbic Acid,Maltodextrin, Sodium Acid Phosphate, Magnesium Oxide, Calcium Fumarate, Yellow 5, Tocopherol, and less than 2% natural flavours... Make lemonade.

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Knock knock. ... Knock knock. ... Knock knock. ... The FedEx man leaves, realizing that no one was home, and continues on with his job.

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Why does sammy have a cut on her arm? becuase her mom went to go stab her dad and missed

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Knock Knock Who's there? Father Dougal Mcguire

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Why did Sara fall off the swing? Sara had no arms! Knock knock? Who's there? Not Sara!

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Q: What do you call 5,000 dead lawyers at the bottom of the ocean? A: A tragedy worse than 9/11.

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What do you get when you mix life and cyanide? Death.

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KEVIN HART

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Why did Dom stop smoking He didnt I lied

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whats long, hard, and full of semen? A submarine

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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