What's worse than finding half a worm in your apple? Being cut in half by a human while you were trying to eat an apple

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Why did the plane leave late? Because they were out of Kellogg's® Breakfast Cereal.

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- knock knock. - Who's There? - Steve. - Steve who? - Fitzsimmons. We met at your wife's work party.

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What do you call a lubia chin jew slave? Kia

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Chuck Norris

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A man asks his doctor if you can die from drinking to much water. The doctor replies 'Yes you can'

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Why did the black man fall asleep in the unemployment line? Because he was dangerously fatigued from staying up all night weeping passionately into the arms of his wife after losing his high-earning job of twenty years after the CEO of the company declared bankruptcy and finding out that his only daughter was in the hospital in critical condition after her school bus flipped off a bridge.

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What did the chair say when someone sat on it? Nothing. The person's butt covered the chair's mouth.

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Billy: Hey hey hey!!!!! wanna hear a dirty joke? Joe: Sure Billy: A pig fell in the mud

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hi

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I went to church.. i didn't get raped. I went to school... I didn't get raped. I went into a back alley... I didn't get raped. I went home... I didn't get raped. Today was better than yesterday...

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Why did the boy fall off his bike? He was mauled by a bear!

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A Jew, a Russian, and a Turk walk into a bar. The Jew asks, "Can I get a glass of Manischewitz?" The bartender serves him. The Russian asks, "Can I get a shot of vodka?" The bartender serves him. The Turk then asks, "Can I get a Turkish coffee?" The bartender looks at him, confused, and says, "Sorry, but this is a bar. Unfortunately we don't serve coffee."

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Do you know what hurts? An abortion.

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What do you call someone who states the obvious? Someone who states the obvious.

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A man walks into the bar and orders a drink. This is what you do in a bar.

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My wife is going to the Caribbean Jamaica? No, St Lucia

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Why din't Santa come to Timmy's house? Timmy died 6 months ago. :(

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You say tomayto, I say ecstasy.

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Why were the black man's balls so big He had testicular cancer

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Three blind mice walk into a bar, but they are unaware of their surroundings so to derive humour from it would be exploitative

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What did the horse get for Christmas? Starvation and neglect because its owner has been dead for three months of old age and he was a raging, angry, achoholic so no one cared if hey was dead and/or bothered to see if he was alive

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What was the last thing to go through Kurt Cobain's mind? His teeth.

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Why is it impossible to travel faster than the speed of light? Because it travels pretty darn fast.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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