Q: How do you kill a goblin if the fries are next to the sushi? A: Yes. Walruses have nostrils and rubber chickens don't like microwaves!

thumb_up thumb_down +13

How many drugs does it take for Eminem to sing in a live concert? Enough.

thumb_up thumb_down -9

What's The Difference Between Roast Beef And Pea Soup? Roast Beef Is Made From A Cow And Is Commonly Sold At Your Local Arby's.Pea Soup Is Made From Peas And No One Really Likes Pea Soup Anyway So Its Not Really Sold Anywhere.

thumb_up thumb_down +106

How did the newborn baby come out of a man? It was ejaculated as a sperm from his testicles

thumb_up thumb_down +39

Fred awoke and looked outside. The sun was rising over the fog in the valley below. Birds were singing, and the air smelled of freshly cut grass. THIS was the day, Fred thought, that I'm going to kill my wife and kids.

thumb_up thumb_down +22

I tried to call my friend in Haiti. It went straight to vibrate.....

thumb_up thumb_down +10

A black man, a Muslim man, and a Jewish man walk into a bar so the bartender says, "Get the f*** out."

thumb_up thumb_down -3

It was at the war and there was a camp site where a doctors helped injured soldiers. One soldier comes in the door and holds his arm. The doctor says "You got shot in the arm?" He says yes. Then another soldier walks in the door and holding his shoulder. The doctor says "You got shot in the shoulder?" He says yes. Then another soldier walks in the door and was dragging his left leg across the floor. The doctor says "You got shot in your leg?" The soldier says "No, I stepped on dog shhhttt."

thumb_up thumb_down +13

What did the cop say to the robber? You have the right to remain silent

thumb_up thumb_down +10

A black man and a mexican man are in a car. Who is driving? The cop. The two men were best friends who had taken off from their law firm. The mexican, Alex, had recently gone through a divorce and John decided to take him on a trip backpacking across Europe. Rain had suddenly come upon them and a passing off-duty police officer had picked them up and took them to a nearby hotel. The three men had drinks and the friends had a wonderful rest of their trip. But Alex never got over Jenny leaving him. 3 months after their return John found him dead in his home by auto-erotic asphyxiation.

thumb_up thumb_down -12

What do you call a tall midget? Well tall is a relative term so a midget may be considered tall compared to something or someone shorter. Say if a midget was compared to a baby he/she would be considered tall, considering the baby's small height. However midgets are looked at short by most people who are taller than them because of their physical problem that they can do nothing about.

thumb_up thumb_down +12

Your mums a penis joke.

thumb_up thumb_down -10

Why did the boy spill his lemonade? He was attacked by ravage dogs.

thumb_up thumb_down -16

Q: How do you make a baby cry? A: Throw a brick at it.

thumb_up thumb_down -6

Once upon a time there was a man exercising, he pulled a muscle and had to have his heart removed. In other words, don't exercise. The end.

thumb_up thumb_down +4

Caitlyn.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

My life has been getting worse and worse since I developed cancer.

thumb_up thumb_down +23

When life gives you lemons. You make beef stew. #andymilinokis

thumb_up thumb_down +9

How many walls can you paint with a baby? Depends on how hard you throw it.

thumb_up thumb_down +21

What kind of coins to you find at the bottom of the ocean? Wet coins.

thumb_up thumb_down +36

Why do we have a black president? Because the populace voted and thought him to be an overall better candidate than John McCain.

thumb_up thumb_down +36

Yo momma's so fat, however, she takes pride in her size because every body is beautiful.

thumb_up thumb_down +6

why couldn't the blind man hear? because he was also deaf.

thumb_up thumb_down -10

Why is Justin Biber so white? there's nothing in the closet.

thumb_up thumb_down -27

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops