Q: why didn't the asian boy ask for a calculator? A: you don't need calculators to make shoes

Why did the doctor wear glasses? Because he was a whale.

That akward moment when you tell a person you like them and they don't respond.

tommy is retared

what did God say on the 7th day? -zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

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Why is there velcro on the edge of the table. Because its there to hold the microwave.

What did the black guy say to you when you took his fried chicken Give me back my chicken

A duck walks into a bar and asks for a beer. The bartender realizing this is an odd situation, seeing that ducks cannot articulate the English language, realizes he must be dreaming. He wakes up and turns to tell his wife about the dream, but she won't respond. He then realizes how his marriage is in shambles...

Why did the orange fall asleep? Because its never awake.

How many republicans does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Typically only one, though more may be required under extreme conditions.

Why wasn't the man wearing a life vest? Because he was sleeping.

Why can't Hellen Keller drive? Because she's dead.

A boy walks into his friend's house for a party. While he waits for his friends to return from the bar he realizes there are many people waiting in different lines for various kinds of drinks. After his friends return he decides he does not want any of the carbonated drinks they had ordered, instead he chooses to wait in the fruit punch line. There is no punch line.

Q: What did the horse say to the other horse? A: Nothing, Horses are incapable of making verbal communication therefore they cant speak to each other.

Roses are grey Violets are grey Everything is grey I'm colorblind

A man walks up to his boss and asks "Do you want to hear a funny joke?". His boss replied,"Yes". Before the man could finish his joke, his boss had a heart attack and died instantly. The next day, when he's in his car with his wife, he asks "You want to hear a joke?", the wife replied "Sure,". before the man could finish his joke, a car hit them and the wife died but the man happened to survive. The next day, he sat on a bench mourning, his friend walked up to him and asked, "Why are you sad?". the man answered, "Every time I try and tell a joke someone dies!", his friend said, "That's not true, just tell me the joke." "Ok" "Two Pigeons walk into a-". Before he can finish his joke his friends is kidnapped and killed. Sadly, the man walks to a ledge, jumps off and commits suicide. The End

The man who ran behind the bus got exhausted. The man who ran in front of the bus got tired. The first one survived.

in superbad, why couldnt seth take off mclovin's face and wear it as his own? no one can. theyre fictional characters in a movie

A man walks into a bar and says he has a talking dog. He is then taken to a mental hospital and diagnosed with schizophrenia.

How do you get 100 Jews into a car? ...Nevermind, it wouldn't work.

Roses are red. Violets are violet. Violet is a color already.

Why was little Jimmy so sad? Because he was H.I.V. positive

Q: Whats black and green and goes 100 mph? A: A black and white car going 100 mph.

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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