- Anti Joke

Knock knock. ... ... after waiting 30 seconds or so to no answer, the knocker concludes there is no one home and decides to go home to take his son to soccer practice and work on his taxes, and maybe call his mother to see how her foot surgery went Who's there? Oh.. This is awkward, I forgot why I was here in the first place. I have to go. Bye.

What's poor and lives in Newry city council dump? Smelly mcD

MR MR WHO?? MR MC CANN

There's a plane with 5000 bricks in it, one falls out. How many bricks are on the plane now? 4999 How do you get an elephant in the fridge? U open the fridge,put the elephant in and close the fridge. How do you get a deer in the fridge? Open the fridge, take the elephant out and close the fridge. A lion is trowing a party and the whole animal kingdom shows up, what animal isn't there? The deer cause he's still in the fridge. A little old lady is walking threw an alligator and snake invested swamp. *The snakes and alligators eat her (wrong answer) The brick falls on her head

What's the difference between scrambled eggs and scrambled dead babies? I don't like scrambled eggs..

What's grey and doesn't climb trees? A car park.

josh moran where your Bluetooth gone?

How do you end a sentence

How many pancakes does it take to make a dog house? None because alligators don't fly.

How many black men does it take to change a light bulb? TO GET TO THE OTHER SIDE!

Why did the girl fall off the swing Because she had no arms

a muslim walks into a bar, he then remembers his religion forbids the drinking of alcohol and walks back out

A man walks into a bar. Inside he finds Hitler, his wife, and an angry badger. They are pleased to see him and they all relate to each other through their shared love of bocce ball.

Why don't men have menstruation? -Because it sucks

What did the doctors tell the boy with cancer who is on his way to being released from the hospital? "you are going to die," why give him hope and be proved wrong. This way if they are wrong the whole situation is a miracle, if they are right..... "I told you so"

Your momma is so fat, she should be concerned about her increased risk if a heart attack because of her poor eating habits.

Hey I just met you. And this is crazy. So get in my van. Cause I have candy.

Frog-why did the chicken cross the road Chicken-dont judge me...

why did the chef go to jail? because he was caught beating an egg

Tim likes girls

Knock Knock. Who's there? Mark Mark who? Mark Jennings. Oh hey, Mark, come in.

Whats the difference between a pile of dead babies and a pile of shit. I don't have a pile of shit in my garage.

How do you burn alot of calories? Set a fat kid on fire

In 1284, while the town of Hamelin was suffering from a rat infestation, a man dressed in pied clothing appeared, claiming to be a rat-catcher. He loyally promised the townsmen a solution for their problem with the rats. The townsmen in appreciation and glad to get rid of the infestation promised to pay him for the removal of the rats, they were looking forward to being left in peace. The man pleased with their decision accepted, and played a mystical musical pipe to lure the rats with a joyous song into the Weser River, where all but one drowned. Despite his renowned success, the people reneged on their promise and refused to pay the rat-catcher the full amount of money. The man left the town angry and upset the people had betrayed his kindness, he did however vow to return some time later, seeking revenge. On Saint John and Paul's day while the inhabitants were happily sat in church, he played his pipe yet again, dressed in green, like a hunter, this time attracting the young and joyful children of Hamelin. One hundred and thirty boys and girls followed him out of the town, skipping in song as they went, where they were lured into a cave. The events that followed are now known as the 1284 mass child massacrer, in which all 130 children were raped and savagely tortured and killed one by one, each viscously taped and recorded for the pipe pipers satisfaction, where a copy of each tape was sent to their corresponding parents, this was before their bodies turned up dangling from a tree and the bottom of the village, all 130 of them unrecognisable from decomposition and mutilation the pipe piper had inflicted.

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK! Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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