Communism, Capitalism and an Irish man walk into a bar. Communism says, “I’ll buy the drinks but I require your complete obedient consent.” Capitalism says, “No I’ll buy the drinks but I require that you pay me back with interest” and the Irish man says “No I… I don’t feel very well at all… Oh shite I’ve got the bloody runs!” He then proceeds to shit myself.

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it

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What did the cow say to the chicken? Moo. Moral: Cuckoo!

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I'm not wearing underwear. Why? Because I have built in underwear. :)

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why couldn't the the black man get a job? because he doesn't posses the correct work ethic.

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What is the difference between a black baby and a tractor? A tractor is heavy and a baby is not

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A man walks into a bar, Esept it wasn't a bar and he was running.

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What happens when you drive down the road? you get to the end of the road

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how do you get lady gaga to wake up in the morning? Hit her with a brick

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why did the chicken cross the road? becuase he wanted to walk and the road was the only available place to do so

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Why couldn't Helen Keller drive Cause she's a woman

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A man walks into a bar, he then gets a giant bump on his head as he passes out and is rushed to the hospital.

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Why did the cat die? To get to the other side

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What do you get when you cross a peanut and a snake? peanutsnake

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What's green and eats rocks? A green rock eater What's purple and eats rocks? It hasn't been discovered by science yet...

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Why did the little girl have grass stains on her white dress? Because she was dragged into the forest and raped.

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To clowns walk into a bar. They don't notice each other because as soon as they walk to a 5-yard radius, the length that was said to be the range of a clowns eyesight (which was actually said by a controversial scientist, looked on as a madman; he created a whole clown-eyesight-range conspiracy), when a fire starts, creating a huge apocalyptic event. However, the two clowns go into the bar unphased. Both clowns then turn opposite directions. The clown on the right sits down with his drink and takes out his book about the Victorian Era. He constantly checks his watch. The clown on the left disapears into the croud, and steals french fries from table 36. After three hours, they both walk to the back of the bar, simultaneously tying their shoes not noticing their similarity in career choices. They both open a door marked PRIVATE (while tying their shoes). After sixteen days of exactly the same thing happening repeatedly... Both clowns see eachother on the way out of the bar. Little do the know that they are being watched by the scientist I mentioned earlier. Two Years Later Both clowns die instantly after being attacked by a giant war hammer-wielding octopus on the way home from the circus.

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How did the rock cross the road? It didn't cause it's a rock.

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-What did the policeman say to the boy? -Hello.

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What do grizzly bears and people have in common? Neither can survive in outer space, due to depressurization, lack of oxygen, and absence of basic survival needs.

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Why did Daphie die? I stabbed her 487 times.

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What did Batman say to robin before they got in the batmobile Get in the batmobile

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I saw a kid watching Harry Potter so I asked him "Do you like Harry Potter?" he replued "yeah" so I asked "do you want to be Harry Potter" he said "yeah"... ...so I killed his parents and locked him in a cupboard.

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Roses are red, Your blood is too, Don't believe me? I WILL CUT YOU

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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