Who is fat, stupid and pretty dam ugly? (hint: look in mirror)

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What did the homeless guy do when he found a quarter? He picked it up

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What do you call a blonde person? By her name.

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Whats the difference between eating an egg and an abortion? Think about it.

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What's worse than going in the wrong direkshun? ...My spelling

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What's the difference between a white man and a black man? The white man comes from European descent and the black man comes from an African descent. This leads to the difference in their skin color.

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Adele walks into the stables

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justin bieber is a good singer april fools haha you thought hell had frozen over

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roses are red, violets are blue, I talk to myself, and so do it I.

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Chuck Norris doesn't do push-ups. He prefers to bench press.

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my names jim haha

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what did the boy say when his friend was having a panic attack? "don't panic!" rather earnestly in the hope that his friend's breathing returned to normal as panic attacks can be very uncomfortable and place too great a strain upon the cardio and respiratory functions.

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A boy asks his father how babies are made. The father responds, "Babies are created via coital sex. A man rhythmically inserts his erect penis into a woman's vagina until he ejaculates. If his semen successfully fertilizes her egg, a baby will slowly grow in her uterus. After roughly forty weeks of gestation, the baby will be born."

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How do you get an elephant into a fridge? You can't - elephants are too big to fit in fridges. How do you get a giraffe into a fridge? You can't, see above. If there is a raging fire in the jungle, which animal will survive? Most likely the parrots and other birds, as they can fly away.

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Why did the cat fall out of the tree? It was dead. Why did the second cat fall out of the tree? It was dead. Why did the third cat fall out of the tree? It was tied to the second cat. Why did the fourth cat fall out of the tree? It was dead. Why did the fifth cat fall out of the tree? It needed to get down, but couldn't find any other way down. After he fell, he was minorly hurt and ate some cat food.

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What did the man say to the other man? Nothing, they didn't know each other..

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How do you kill a blond? Put a scratch and sniff at the bottom of a pool.

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roses are red violets are blue im colorblind how about you

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When my parents said that they chucked a flipper baby into the Atlantic ocean I assumed a baby seal, I later found out that happened to my disabled brother.

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I liked your first album but I feel that it went downhill from there. There are a few good songs on your third album though.

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A kid walks into a bar. The bartender promptly calls child protective services and the child is placed in a caring foster home.

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Robin Williams walks into a bar. The bartender says why the long face? To which Robin Williams replies, "Because I'm going to kill myself."

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Whats the difference between a black man and a bucket of shit? The bucket.

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Did you hear the one about the pizza and the salamander? Neither did I.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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