A fish swims into a wall. Says dam.

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why did the black man jump higher than the white man he was on a trampoline

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A: Why are black people so good at sports? B: Practice and determination.

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Fire is red Water is blue Earth is brown Air is transparent

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What do you call a bunch of white people walking down a cliff? Avalanche

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Why is Adam saying numbers? He is a maths teacher.

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what is the difference between pizza and a Jew? pizza is a common Italian meal and a Jew is a member of a monotheistic religion

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friends are like potatoes you eat them they die

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Three men are stranded, mid-ocean, in a small rowboat. They realize quickly that their imminent demise is slowly creeping into the forefront of their consciousnesses. Just as all hope seem to be lost, one man noticed an island covered in luscious foliage about five hundred yards away. A problem reared it's head as it became apparent that an unrelenting riptide was dragging the boat further and further from the shore and, in turn, salvation. It became further apparent that the men would have to abandon their rickety rowboat and swim the rest of the way. The first man bravely jumps into the vast uncertainty of the ocean and attempts to swim to shore. He is met by a large shark that promptly severs his arm from his body. A bloody mess, he manages to touch down on the sandy beach. The second man, more reluctantly, also jumps in. He balanced his chances: "100% death in the boat vs. uncertainty in the ocean." Like the first man, the second man meets the shark's vicious bite. His leg is severed and he too drags himself, bloody, to the warm embrace of sand and freedom. The third man, sure that he would be bitten also, jumps into the ocean and swims to shore. Alas! The third man arrived on the island unscathed and completely fine. Perplexed, the first two men asked the third why the shark did not attack him. The third man simply smiled and replied..."what do you expect me for, a typewriter?"

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How do you get a Mexicans attention? By calling him by his name.

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what did the duck say to the other duck Quack

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What did the lawyer say to the other lawyer? We're both lawyers.

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What's in a bag of dead babies? Dead babies and one alive baby eating it's way out.

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What do you call a man with no heart? Dead.

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Wait a moment, I will see what I can do.

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I really did not understand the chapter. Is there anyway I can meet with you at a later time to discuss what I did wrong?

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Q. How many blonds do you know? A. I don't know any blonds, but are you perhaps talking about blondes? Because if so, I still don't know any.

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What do you get when you combine a potato and an apple? A nice Apple Potato Souffle...

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Weebles wobble, but paralyzed kids fall down.

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the best time to wear a striped sweater is all the time

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What did one dandelion say to the other dandelion? Answer- Take me to your weeder!

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Yo mama so stupid, she waited for the stop sign to say go

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What's brown and has four wheels? Wood, I lied about the wheels.

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Why is it incorrect that the universe will end in 2012? Because profound idiocy doesn't always occur.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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