I'm Andrew Schmitt

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Three men walk in to a bar, One ducked

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Whats the difference between a walnut and a baby ? Ones fun to hit with a hammer and the other is a walnut

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A man tells a blonde "you are what you eat" and she replies "well, i don't think I've eaten any sexy beasts today.'

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What's even worse than getting a parking ticket on your birthday? Child molestation.

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Why was the baby flying? Because it's face was stapled to the propeller of a helicopter.

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What do you call a boy with no arms and no legs that gets stepped on a lot? Mat.

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What is furry, red, and flat? Road kill.

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An Indian man left a 20% tip after eating at the closest restaurant to him

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Q: What present did the Taliban's wife get on the islamic holiday A: a beating

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how do you finish a 30000 piece puzzle you search for cheat codes

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Womens rights.

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What did the mole say? Nothing

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the waterhorse is a beautiful creature. It often frolics through fields of wheat.

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One man walks on a bridge, another man sees him but doesn't really care about him.

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Knock, Knock Who's there? Betty. Answer the door!

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I like my women like I like my coffee... Without a penis.

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Why did the squirrel fall out the tree? It was dead Why did the second squirrel fall out the tree? It was stapled to the first squirrel Why did the the third squirrel fall out the tree? Peer pressure Why did the fourth squirrel fall out the tree? It thought it was a game Why did the tree fall over? It thought it was a squirrel Why did the postman die? He got hit in the head by four squirrels and a tree

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Why didn't Katie cross the road? Because she's dead.

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Whats worse than finding a worm in your apple? Being hit by a plane.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? It didn't.

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What color is the white cup? It's blue because it has two handles.

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why did the baby die ? he fell down the stairs

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Do you know what would happen if Hitler was still alive today. Nothing he's not.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops