Yo momma's so skinny she doesn't have any fat!

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You decide, drink or drive. But don't do all 3 at the same time.

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I was Writing and i broke my pencil

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i drive all the time its no big deal open the door and get behind the wheel

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Person A "did you hear about the cure for AIDS?" Person B "no." Person A "neither did I."

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shitted on em put your numbah 2s in the air if ya did it on em

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What did the robot say to the child? Nothing, the robot malfunctioned and strangled the child.

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Whats worse than a dead baby? 6 million dead Jews.

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Why didn't Jesus like pizza? Because he didn't exist.

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What is the most dangerous gull in the world? A gull with a machine gun!

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Show me the money! Said the man last wednesday.

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What do you call a black guy eating fried chicken? His name.

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Q: What is a man? A: A miserable little pile of secrets.

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Q: How do you confuse a blonde? A: Tell her something that doesn't make any sense at all.

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Take part of what?

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A man walked in to a store and asked for four candles. The storeman brought some fork handles and placed them on the counter. The customer said "No... 'Four Candles' a rather amusing sketch performed by The Two Ronnies, a comedy double act in the 1970s."

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Nah, its fine, I just went to get a popsicle, and its square, so don't get any ideas. Honestly? When I first met "some jerk" calling himself Nero here, I began calling myself Nero, because I thought that the jerk that turned out to be you, Nero himself, sigh. was screwing over his own reputation. But now I realize that what makes you who you are, is that you say whats on your mind without going "oh no what will others think about me, what if this or that happens", you accept yourself for who you are, and if the rest do not, well screw them right? As you told me at first and proved to me during our conversations, you respect and value individuality and integrity. And well, you are a guy, you think like a guy (I honestly dont think we girls think that differently, we are simply socially indoctrinated or "engineered" in order to think that we do), I mean let me say something really honest here. Nero, I only dare say this once, so take me seriously I really want you to fuck me, and yeah, I may say that when we meet too, considering I have not even said it yet, just in my head... Anyway, its not something I am insecure about nor ever was and blahblahblah, the end, oh, and yeah, I really want and need a friend like you.

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Sorry we dont serve time travlers here. A man walks into a bar.

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A bus with 12 black guys is driven off a cliff. What is the sad part of this story? ... Our beloved president was not involved.

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What is the first step in making an ugly girl pretty? Shave her genitals.

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Roses are red, Violets are blue. I have a gun! So I KILL YOU!!!!

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How do you help a chronic drug addict? Buy him or her more drugs. They NEED it.

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Roses are black. Violets black. Guns are black. My van is black.

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What did one lawyer say to the other lawyer? We're both lawyers

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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