A visibly exhausted and distressed man walks into a bar and orders a strong drink. "Long day?" the bartender asks. "No, all days are 24 hours long" the man replies, amazed at how uneducated the bartender is.

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Did you hear the one about the man who went into the jungle wearing nothing but leopard print underwear? He was suffering from psychogenic fugue disorder and had no idea who or where he was. He was eventually eaten alive by a flesh-eating centipede. When his wife found out, she committed suicide.

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What do you call a dog with no arms or legs? It doesn't matter what you call him. He won't come.

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Omar the Magnificent is performing a huge magic show at a theater in New York City. His final trick will be to have his assistant saw him in half in front of the sold out crowd. Omar never knew how other magicians perform the trick. The crowd of hundreds watches Omar's assistant brutally murder him onstage and many require mental therapy for years to come.

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Q: How many Jew does it take to change a light bulb? A: A lightbulb cannot be changed, it either is or isn't. Do you mean replace a burned-out bulb with a new one? With design, logistics, manufacturing, marketing of just that single bulb- there are many people involved. It could be argued that we all play some small part in the process.

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Como estan lo que sienta in el tarea de tomo caliente? A. Los sientos! ~ this is why nobody likes Spanish

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Someone offers your friend one of two things he say's "choose witch one you want" your friends asks you and you say "if i were you, i'd be ugly"

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What did one German man say to the other? Wo ist das Badezimmer?

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Chicken

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what did the man say when he got in the car?nothing he lost his voice in an accient that morning

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Edward Smith had started telling a long rambling joke when William McMaster Murdoch cut him off with "I don't like where this is headed".

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Two blondes get in a taxi. Who's driving? The taxi driver.

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Have you seen Ray Charles' house? No. Neither has he...

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Q-how many dead babies does it take to paint your geradge door? A-one if you throw it hard enough

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, I forgot the rest, Don't laugh at me...

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Jesse gets so many ladies

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A man walks into a bar and the bartender says, "What's up?" The man replies, "The opposite of down."

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What does a pelican and a taxman have in common? Both are bipedal, both are carbon-based lifeforms that procreate by DNA replication, both in all probablility eat fish, both have survival instinct, both require fresh water for hydration, both have five senses; vision, hearing, touch, taste and smell, both are capable of at least limited cognition, and both can turn aggressive when provoked.

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Knock Knock Who's There? Boo Boo Who? Boo Smith, I'm the town rapist.

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A white guy, a black guy, and a spanish guy jump off a building. They all die on impact and their families mourn their loss for years to come.

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What's worse than finding a worm in your apple? Dieing in a hole.

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What's worse than finding out you have aids? Nothing. Actually I lied. It would suck being an illegal immigrant.

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Hey, is that your corvette? No, I thought is was yours.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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