What do you call a man with a spade in his head? An ambulance.

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What do you hear when the world trade center collapsed?, no seriously I wasn't even three yet.

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A burglar broke into a house one night. He picked up a CD player to place in his sack and a strange, disembodied voice echoed from the dark, saying, "Jesus is watching you." He nearly jumped out of his skin, clicked his flashlight off, and froze. When he heard nothing more, he shook his head, clicked the light on, and began searching for more valuables. Just as he pulled the stereo out so he could disconnect the wires, he heard, "Jesus is watching you." Freaked out, he shined his light around frantically, looking for the source of the voice. Finally, in the corner of the room, his flashlight beam came to rest on a parrot. "Did you say that?" he hissed at the parrot "Yep," the parrot confessed, then squawked, "I'm just trying to warn you." The burglar relaxed. "Warn me, huh? Who in the world are you?" "Moses," replied the bird. "Moses?" the burglar laughed. "What kind of people would name a bird Moses?" "Devout Semites," the parrot replied.

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Why did the magician die when he tried to escape from the handcuffs underwater? Because he drowned and failed his magic trick.

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Why doesn't a ducks quack echo? Actually, it does, but the echo is imperceptible to human ears.

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what did the blind orphan with no legs get for christmas? cancer.

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why is blake oneal gay? because hes black and he likes peniss in his ass

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Why did Susy fall off the swing? She had no arms. Knock Knock. Who's there? Not Susy.

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Two Christians are on their way to church. They stay for prayers and have a lovely lunch.

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What's red white, blue and hilarious? Glasgow Rangers in administration!

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Why was little David sad? His father got hit by a truck.

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knock knock come in!

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How do you hold someone in suspense?

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what is worse than the holocaust harry' ear acne

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what does adolf hitler and jewish people have in common? they *** and **** but **** will always **** that hard but **** is ****** up rather ******, and they don't eat bacon

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A white guy, a black guy, and a chinese man all walk in to a magic shop, at different times in the day to buy different products.

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I am the best i am the worst My wife was buried in hearse

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Q: What does Chinese look like? A:Chinese

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What's better than winning gold in the special olympics? Not being retarded.

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What did the doctor say to the obese person? You have diabetes.

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Why would a baby cry? Because it's being put through a juicer.

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What's green and looks like a forest? A forest.

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Q: what did the man say to the woman? A: hi

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a potato flew around my room

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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