a retard lost...

thumb_up thumb_down -20

If Johnny can hold 7 bottles of Vodka in one hand and 6 cans of beer in the other, what does Johnny have? A drinking problem.

thumb_up thumb_down +21

Why did the black man steal an inhaler? Because he was broke and he had asthma.

thumb_up thumb_down -3

When a fat lady walks by what do u think? R u fat or pregnant

thumb_up thumb_down +13

Roses are red, Violets are blueish, Without Hitler, We'd all be Jewish.

thumb_up thumb_down +51

- Why Mexicans have small steering wheels in their cars? - Because of this they are able to drive a car in handcuffs.

thumb_up thumb_down +10

Yo momma's so old, she lives in a nursing home and is on various medications that she needs to take to stay in optimum health.

thumb_up thumb_down -30

ah-ah. the proper response to an anti joke.

thumb_up thumb_down +9

How many people of a certain demographic does it take to change a light bulb? x+1 (x >0), 1 person to change the lightbulb and x to behave in a manner consistent with the established stereotype of said demographic.

thumb_up thumb_down +8

How do you get a bent nail out of a board? You carefully pry it out with the back of the hammer.

thumb_up thumb_down -16

Why was Rodney afraid of Chung Lee? Because Chung Lee is an intimidating person, capable of literally ripping your face off.

thumb_up thumb_down +32

Why did Jenny fail her driving test? She was hit by a train.

thumb_up thumb_down +29

How do you get a cat out of a tree? You throw a rock at it

thumb_up thumb_down -8

Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, you should be a con artist.

thumb_up thumb_down

RULES: #1) have fun #2) safety first

thumb_up thumb_down +34

what do you call a million black people on the moon? a good start

thumb_up thumb_down -41

Have you heard about the Polish hockey team? They're not very good, but what they lack in skills they make up for in enthusiasm and good team spirit.

thumb_up thumb_down +26

there once was a time before bonerss it sucked it sucked real bad like that kid who never washes his gym closes bad Mason Manning JLR

thumb_up thumb_down +43

Q: IMAGINE that your in a heart racing battle with a huge grizzly bear when suddenly a bird picks you up and carries you to china and leaves you on the adge of a cliff which then you are chased by warriors and are forced to jump off the edge. What do you do? A: Wake up

thumb_up thumb_down +26

Jerry Rice is walking down the streets of San Francisco when all of a sudden he hears sirens coming from the next street down. He hurries down the road to see what's happening and sees a huge fire engulfing a 10 story building. And on the top floor, a lady is leaning out the window shouting to the firemen below. FIREMAN: Come on, lady, jump. We have the tarp here, we'll be able to catch you. LADY: No....I can't. My baby, my baby is up here. FIREMAN: Throw the baby down, we'll catch him. LADY: No, you'll miss. I can't leave my baby. Jerry sees this and steps forward. "Hey, I think I can help. Let me have the bullhorn." JERRY: Hey lady, I'm Jerry Rice, the wide receiver for the San Francisco 49er's. I'm the best wide receiver in the game, throw your baby down and I'll catch him, this is what I do for a living. Being a 49er fan herself, the lady recognizes Jerry and throws her baby down to him. Just as she throws it though, a huge gust of wind comes and takes the baby and starts to blow him off course. Jerry sees this and takes off after the baby. He hurdles the line closing off the area, fights through the crowd, dodges a couple of fire fighters, jumps over the car, and dives forward, just making a fingertip catch of the baby. The crowd around him goes wild and starts cheering his amazing catch. So Jerry jumps to his feet, raises his finger into the air, does a two step and then spikes the baby. If you have any dead baby jokes that are not here, I want to hear from you. Email me your dead baby jokes at skitzopathik@hotmail.com and I'll add them to this page.

thumb_up thumb_down +31

How do you fit an elephant inside your car? Starve it to death then chop it in pieces.

thumb_up thumb_down +348

Why can't you fly? Because Chuck Norris said so.

thumb_up thumb_down -151

What does the Bill in Bill Clinton stand for? Bilious.

thumb_up thumb_down +11

Two people are sitting on a 10th story window sill. They both fall off and die.

thumb_up thumb_down -13

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops