Q: What did the floor say to the Christmas tree? A: Your balls are hanging.

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What's the difference between a Porsche and a pile of dead babies? When I see a Porsche on the street, I think to myself, "that's a nice car," but when I see a pile of dead babies on the street I scream, "OH DEAR GOD WHY?!?! WHY?!?! WHERE IS THE MONSTER THAT KILLED THESE POOR BABIES?!?!" I then quickly alert the authorities of the hideous crime before vomiting profusely and crying until my tear ducts run dry. I sustain irreversible psychological damage and the image of hundreds of cruelly murdered infants prevents me from sleeping at night.

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what do giraffes have that other animals don't have? -baby giraffes

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What do you call five black me pushing a car? "Very nice young men who helped me when I broke down," according to my grandmother.

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Why did the boy like watching NASCAR? He didnt because he was a fish and a secret Soviet spy

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Why was the chair sad? It wasn't, for chairs do not posses the proper attributes to feel emotions such as depression.

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Why, you might ask, did in fact the chicken cross this all too infamous road? His grandma-ma phoned the righteous bird and requested a visit. Chickens never displease their family.

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Women's rights

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shoe and shoelace. one is meaningless without the other

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Bob- yo mammas soo fat tha.. Joe- I know...

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Blonde walks into a bar. Man walks up to blonde and says a pick-up line. Blonde says "Crap, this is a gay bar?"

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Two cannibals are eating around a fire in the jungle, and one turns to the other and says "Does this taste funny to you?" Oh yeah, and they're eating a clown.

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A man walks into a bar and says "I just got back from the battered woman's shelter, and boy are my arms tired" Everyone laughed. The man sat at the end of the bar drinking alone. He was proud of the fine craftsmanship of the shelves he put up in the shelter's pantry, regardless of what others may think.

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Whats your name? Bill. I have a son named Kevin.

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Why were there only 5,000 Mexicans at the Battle of Alamo? They only had 1250 trucks.

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1 out of every 3 relationships someone is cheating, I wonder if it was my wife or my girlfriend

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A boy walks into a baker, asks for a loaf of bread. The baker enquires "White or brown?" to which the boy replies "It doesn't matter, I've got my bike."

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a guy walks into the bedroom with a duck in his arms, his wife is in bed half nakid. he then coments out loud this is the pig im f**king. his wife says huny your holding a duck. then he with a serious look on his face says im sory i wasent talking to you

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What did the muffin, say to the other muffin? Nothing. Because muffin's are inanimate objects, therefore incapable of speech, or any other sentient action. They baked quietly until the man who was baking them came to the conclusion they were fit for consumption, devoured them, and went on with his day.

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penis that is all

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Roses are red Violets are blue I have alzheimers Who the hell are you?

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If youve ever seen the wizard of oz movie and family guy, then u get what i mean. Hes a PHONY! a BIG FAT PHONY!

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You know what's catchy? A cold

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What's the difference between a Jew and a pizza? Pizzas don't scream when you put them in the oven.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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