what do you get when you combine fire and water? alcohol

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So a guy walks into a bar. He asks the woman next to him, ''Can I buy you a drink?'' The woman says,''No thank you.''

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A man is balancing on a bar. But it's a bar where people drink so I don't know how that works.

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What did the dog say to the mouse? Cat

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Knock knock. Who's there? Frank. Frank who? Cut the shit, I'm being chased by a tiger!

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What did batman say to robin when they got to their car? Get in the car

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How many jews does it take to change a light bulb? Two, one to change it and the other to hold the ladder so the first man won't fall and hurt himself.

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IF YOU ARE A GUY: Think about a really hot girl. She has the perfect chest, amazing face, blonde hair, and looks flat out stunning. She takes off her shirt which is very appealing and causes for you to get excited because you might get lucky. She takes off her pants, or skirt depending on the choice that you decided upon when imagining this girl, and is walking towards you in nothing but a bra and panties. She continues to take off her bra and gets on top of you. You passionately kiss and afterwords she whispers in your ear, "are you ready for some of this?" you nod your head and she proceeds to remove her panties. Let's freeze this situation for a moment. Assuming that you would ever be in a situation like that there has to be a catch right? A hidden camera, her husband comes home, a rabbid zombie crashes through the door...something. I am happy to tell you that there are no worries about this because nothing will stop you from making sweet and beautiful love to this woman. So let's get back to the scenario. You not your head and quickly tear off your clothes and begin exploring her body. Now turn her 64 and give her a penis with an amazing amount of pubic hair, make her fat, and submit to this manlady. You ask how this happened? Earlier that evening you took a particularly large amound of LSD, or acid if you prefer, and began tripping out. You began seeing ugly people as hot people, and hot people as ugly people. Your friends were concerned because you were hitting on a tree and started humping it at which you were removed from the party by your date who just so happened to be a fat and ugly hermaphrodite who repeatedly raped you and made you cry in submition to her kinky tactics. Drugs are bad, but they make for interesting stories for your friends to tell their children when they get older at your expense.

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Life is like a box of chocolates. Well...not really no. It's not.

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Why did the plane crash? Because a tomato was the pilot.

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Knock Knock! Who's there? Steven. Steven who? Steven your neighbor, may I please come in?

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You have three biscuits. Your friend eats two. How many biscuits do you have? A: 3 Your friend is bulemic so he throws them both up, so you still have them.

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what a tomato would say if his friend would be hit by a car? Nothing because tomatoes can't speak

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Knock Knock Who's there? The Police your parents just died in a car accident

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What's worse than a dead baby falling out of a tree? Two dead babies stapled together falling out of a tree.

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What'd the left nut say to the right nut? How's it hangin?

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I like my women like I like my coffee... 2 cream 1 sugar.

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I was bangin this girl and she kept yelling the wrong name. Who's raape?

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Whats Funnier than 24?........ 25

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Boy, is it hot this summer! How hot is it?! So hot that many people have died as a result!... Drink plenty of water.

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what's worse that reading something that just wasted seconds of your life? reading this and wasting more seconds.

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Why was six afraid of seven? Because seven was a terrorist.

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Why did the Zombie kill and eat a man? Because it was hungry.

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Ask Me If I'm A Piece of Bread Are You a Piec--- Nope

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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