A man walks into a bar with an octopus. He tells the bartender that his octopus can play any instrument. The bartender gives the octopus bag pipes. The octopus fiddles with the bag pipes but can't seem to play them. The man gives the bag pipes back to the bartender and leaves with his octopus. He is quite embarassed and decided to get bagpipe lessons for his octopus.

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Why did the girl fall of the swing? I hit her with an axe.

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When life gives you melons, you know you're dyslexic.

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why are marcos hands all swetty. he just got done giving a hand job to joe.

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roses are red violets are blue i have Alzheimer whats a rose?

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Why is the fat kid on the ground crying? Because I hit him with a shovel

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Why did the little girl fall off the swing? Because she has no arms.

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Paris Hilton spend 2 whole days in the slammer due to possesion of narcotics. I would have gotten 20 to life... no... it's not funny...

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What's worst then a road kill? Multiple road kils.

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Roses are red violets are blue I have altimers cheese on toast Srry bout the spelling. I couldn't REMEMBER!

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What do you call a box with a dead Jew in? A coffin.

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What's the difference between a McDonald's and Michael Jackson? One is a fast FOOD restaurant, while the other likes having sex with little boys.

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Velcro. What a rip off.

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Dont look at me.

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"Honey im home!" but his honey was dead on the floor along with his 3 kids.

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when does lady gaga wake up? when she dreams about a bad romance

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This is SPARTA! SPARTA? THIS IS MADNESS! (kicks guy down well) What is hurt! Baby dont love me, dont love me, no more. Moral: The funny thing is probably that the line makes a lot more sense all of sudden does it not?

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what's the difference between a white man and a black man? their skin color

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If your flying upstream in a kayak and a wheel flys off, how many pancakes can fit into a dog house? None, because ice-cream is alergic to frogs!

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The iguana is the only mammal capable of photosynthesis.

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What did the cat say to the other cat? Meow.

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A man looks in his toilet and gazes in fear of the fact that there is blood on his bowel movement. He has colitis

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Where's the dick??? east

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What did one baby say to the other? Nothing, they were both killed in a building collapse.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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