Man walks into a bar and goes, "Ouch!"

thumb_up thumb_down +29

What's the difference between difference and between? One is difference the other is between.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

What do you call a group of black people? A group, you racist.

thumb_up thumb_down

I man walks into a bar. He orders a drink, takes around 13.5 minutes to drink it, then walks out. It takes him 10.7 minutes to walk home, 2.8 minutes less than he spent in the bar. When he is home, he decides to have a bath. 7.8 minutes into bathing, a radio plugged into an outlet near his tub falls into the water with him and he is killed. 29 miles away a woman sneezes twice.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

A man from timbuktu slept on a bed of nails. It was very uncomforable

thumb_up thumb_down -11

Why did the little girl fall of the swing? Because she had no arms.

thumb_up thumb_down -26

A black guy moves in to your neighborhood. The housing values plummet due to the current economic recession.

thumb_up thumb_down -3

What's worse than an actual joke on anti-joke.com? Many things. Considering this is only one website among millions on the internet, and it really has no effect on what happens in the world, it really isn't a big deal in the grand scheme of life.

thumb_up thumb_down -3

Q: Whats worse than 8 babies in one bin? A: 1 babies in 8 bins

thumb_up thumb_down +12

Q. Why did the chicken cross the road? A. To get to the other side.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

Why didn't the blonde get into college? She died in a car crash.

thumb_up thumb_down -5

Well, first of all, what I have overcome both mentally (trauma) and physically (lots of shit) is in the past, lets leave it there. Second yeah, I can basically shift my sense of left and right at will, meaning I can choose which arm to write with, and write things mirrored without even thinking about it, I can fool my senses basically, one second I struggle playing the piano because I have just trained with one, then I make my brain believe I have been practicing with both, its simple, but complicated to explain, while my ears are perfectly normal, I got two sets of balance nerves, it just gets more complicated from there.

thumb_up thumb_down -15

How many dislikes can this get?

thumb_up thumb_down

What does a lonely man do on opposite day? I don't know. Why should we know what he does, that is both weird and illegal. Stalking is a serious crime and should not be used. We do not know what he does on normal days, thus we cannot come to a conclusion to this question.

thumb_up thumb_down +13

2 men walk into a bar. The first man proceeds to fall on the ground and let out a string of obscenities, obviously in excruciating pain. The second man, fearing that he may have suffered some sort of concussion, immediately goes to his doctor and gets checked out. He is still awaiting results.

thumb_up thumb_down -46

theres a black guy and a mexican whos driving the cop

thumb_up thumb_down -8

What was the pirate movie rated? PG-13

thumb_up thumb_down +7

What do you call a Chineses filled with bus?

thumb_up thumb_down -7

what did the man say after he fell off the cliff nothing, he's dead

thumb_up thumb_down -11

Obama.

thumb_up thumb_down -10

sometimes when im bored i dress in white pour water on the ground and roll around in it and pretend im a papertowel

thumb_up thumb_down +7

How did little Sally break her Nintendo DS? Her abusive father repeatedly abused her and punished her until she was thrown into a stone wall. As she went into the wall she crushed by another wall and broke the DS.

thumb_up thumb_down +13

Elephants can jump higher than the tallest building. You know why? It's because buildings can't jump.

thumb_up thumb_down +25

What's the difference between a Jew and a pizza? A Jew is a person who adheres to the Jewish faith and claims a cultural or ancestral connection to the Jewish people, and a pizza is an oven-baked, flat, disc shaped bread usually topped with tomato sauce and mozzarella and then a selection of meats, depending on taste and culture.

thumb_up thumb_down -3

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops