A panda walks into a restaurant, sits down and orders a sandwich. After he finishes eating the sandwich, the panda pulls out a gun and shoots the waiter, and then stands up to go. "Hey!" shouts the manager. "Where are you going? You just shot my waiter and you didn't pay for your sandwich!" The panda yells back at the manager, "Hey man, I am a PANDA! Look it up!" The manager's heart skipped a beat, and he locked himself inside his office, trembling with fear and confusion. Yes, it was plausible that a beast such as that could point to a random entry on the menu, and it was physically possible for it to pull the trigger of the gun (and, at such close proximity to the waiter, it would be pretty hard to miss him), but it was shocking and altogether disturbing to hear such an animal speak in human language, much less vernacular English.

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Joay impistato is a fig

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Whats long, hard, and makes a girl excited? A penis.

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I like cookies... GIVE ME ICE CREAM.

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Women's Soccer.

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What's worse than a burglar breaking into your house in the middle of the night? A rapist breaking into your house in the middle of the night.

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What's the difference between a catcher's mitt and Lou Ferrigno? If you seriously said "I don't know, what?" I suggest getting a medical examination by a professional psychologist.

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I've got 99 problems and they're all stressing me out and causing me to be very unhappy.

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what did steven hawking say to the prostitute? Nothing, he is unable to speak, he needs help from his word speaker thing.

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You know whats funny Aids

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When was Timothy born? He wasn't.

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Did you hear about the new pirate movie? It was rated PG-13.

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The boy gets shot in the face, he then dies of childhood obesity.

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Why couldn't the skeleton cross the road? Because it was dead, thus incapable of independent movement.

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What's red, loose, and easy to wear? A rock. I lie about everything.

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Why did the plane crash? I don't know. I wasn't on the plane. Its likely, based on the damage, that everyone on board died and therefore couldn't tell you either.

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Your Mom!!!

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Why did the blind man laugh at the book. He didn't

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Why couldn't the girl throw the baseball over the fence? She had no arms.

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What's yellow and can't swim? A bulldozer

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What do you call a muslim flying a plane> .....a pilot

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What's brown and sticky? The faeces of a glue stick.

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In Soviet Russia, it is usually cold throughout the year, as it is located in a colder region of the planet.

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Knock Knock Whos there Boo OWWW YOU ASS WAT THE F*%^ (crying)

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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