A seal walks into a club.

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Whats worse than finding a worm in your apple? -death -kidney failure -gall stones -getting in an automobile accident -getting struck by lightning -getting sodomized -embezzlement -deception -HIV/AIDS -illness of any nature -world hunger -the holocaust -Zimbabwe's economy -getting hit by a train -getting hit by a bus -the hives -getting bit by an alligator -head injuries -being arrested -childhood obesity -sexual predators -highly impoverished areas -losing a finger -getting hit with a bat -corruption -general rudeness -being lost in the woods -contracting a sexually transmitted virus -teen pregnancy -murder -rape -robbery -going blind -losing a child -falling down a well -bestiality -identity fraud -massacres -racism -genocide -mental disabilities in children -bullying -food poisoning -stepping on a nail -eugenics -the mass murder, rape, and theft of the land from the Native people of America -forced assimilation -slavery -brain deteriorating illness -matricide -prostitution - accidentally repeating yourself -prostitution -domestic violence -animal cruelty -pollution -deforestation -global warming -losing your life savings -still birth -oppressive leaders -physical conflicts -world wars and other military conflict -the situation in Rwanda -Inequality in treatment of women in middle eastern countries -auto theft -tax evasion -terrorism -being diagnosed with cancer -clinical depression -prostitution -finding two worms in your apple

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What has eight legs and one eye? Two chairs and half a pigs face.

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An owl and a squirrel where siting in a tree, watching a farmer go by. The owl then turned to the squirrel and said nothing... cos owls can't talk. The owl then eats the bird because it is a bird of prey

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what do you call mexicans in a circle around a house? a spicket fence

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What's red and smells like green paint? The rotting corpse of the old lady I poisoned with green paint.

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What did the circle say to the square? Ur a square

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Q: Why did the monkey climb a tree? A: To avoid predators.

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I'm not gay (phrase) - A phrase commonly used by straight men.

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Looks like you are having a TUFF time recovering from the game.....lol.....

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Why did the baby fall down from the tree? It was dead.

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Why did Hitler shoot himself He saw his his gas bill

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periods are red waffles are blue your mum's a milf I sucked her boob

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Q: Why did the plane crash? A: Because the pilot was a loaf of bread.

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Three men stumble upon an ancient lamp in the desert. They sell it to a museum and split the profits evenly.

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i died. new product by steve jobs. also presenting icoffin, and next year icoffin 2. slightly slimmer with a lock button to keep zombies out.

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Q. What's the difference between dead babies and celebrities? A. Nobody likes celebrities.

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A man comes home to his wife sleeping with their neighbor. This lead to their divorce four months later.

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Why didn't the boy drop his ice cream He was hit by a bus and he wasn't eating ice cream

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Whats worse than finding a worm in your apple? A bug in your nut.

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What the the newly born male dog get for his first birthday? A loss of two testicles.

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Why did nobody like the famous singer? Because she was Rebecca Black.

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what did the banana say to the orange? nothing because a banana is a fruit

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How does a pirate get to work? His CAAAARRRR! Where does the pirate go after work? The BAAAARRRR! How does the pirate get home from the bar? A taxi. A pirate doesn't drive after consuming alcohol.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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