Why did grandpa climb the phone pole with bananas in a backpack? He has a debilitating disease. He is slowly losing touch with reality.

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How do you wake up Lady Gaga? I don't know, I've never tried to.

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Q: What did the farmer say when he coudn't find his tractor? A: "where's my tractor?"

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Yo mama's so old, she might die soon

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There was a man from Dundee. who's limericks always ended on line three. I don't know why.

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There's 2 cows, one says to the other "What do you think of Mad Cow Disease?" The other says, "I don't care I'm a helicopter"

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Knock Knock WHO'S THERE?????!!! y u mad? u have been knocking at the doors for 5 hours now, mom

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What do you call 100 lawyers at the bottom of the ocean? A horrible boating accident.

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What do you call a blue colored dog with seven legs, that oinks? not a dog...

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A panda walks into a restaurant, sits down and orders a sandwich. After he finishes eating the sandwich, the panda pulls out a gun and shoots the waiter, and then stands up to go. "Hey!" shouts the manager. "Where are you going? You just shot my waiter and you didn't pay for your sandwich!" The panda yells back at the manager, "Hey man, I am a PANDA! Look it up!" The manager's heart skipped a beat, and he locked himself inside his office, trembling with fear and confusion. Yes, it was plausible that a beast such as that could point to a random entry on the menu, and it was physically possible for it to pull the trigger of the gun (and, at such close proximity to the waiter, it would be pretty hard to miss him), but it was shocking and altogether disturbing to hear such an animal speak in human language, much less vernacular English.

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What did the guy say to the girl when she was on her knees? Stop playing with it put it in your mouth

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An owl and a squirrel are sitting in a tree, watching a farmer go by. The owl turns to the squirrel and says nothing, because owls can't talk. The owl then eats the squirrel because it's a bird of prey.

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why did the one handed man cross the road? to get to the secondhand shop.

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Q: How many Jew does it take to change a light bulb? A: A lightbulb cannot be changed, it either is or isn't. Do you mean replace a burned-out bulb with a new one? With design, logistics, manufacturing, marketing of just that single bulb- there are many people involved. It could be argued that we all play some small part in the process.

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why did jimmy fall of the swing? He had no arms or legs!

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What's worse than getting raped? Getting anal raped twice

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What happened to the gun that was jammed? It didn't shoot.

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Roses are grey. Violets are grey. I am a dog.

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How do you kill a blonde? Well there are many ways, but all of which are wrong because murder is illegal.

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Haikus are easy, But sometimes they don't make sense. Refrigerator.

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Why are black people so good at basketball? Dedication and hard work

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what do you call a cat that talks a talking cat

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Stephen Hawkings walks into a bar.

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Ask me if I'm a tree. Are you a tree? No.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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