Why did the man stop suddenly in the street? His unhealthy diet, alcoholism and smoking habit caused him to have a heart attack at the age of 56. He died because of it.

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A horse walks into a bar and the bartender asks "why the long face?". The horse replies "My wife is dying of terminal cancer."

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Why did the chicken cross the road? cause' he was annoyed with all the stereotypcial idiots who insist he crosses the road for comical value

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I have two hands. Some people dont.

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Why didn't the Orphan finish his lemonade. His legs got chopped off.

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B: Laro tayo . G: Anong laro ? B: Taguan . G: Bakit ngayon pa ? B: Because tonight will be the night that i will fall for you . G: Ulet ? B: Over again . G: Wag na ! B: Don't make me change my mind . G: Bukas na lang . B: I won't live to see another day . G: Weh ? Di nga ? B: I swear its true . G: Bakit kasi taguan pa ? B: Because a girl like you is impossible to find . G: Ano ? B: You're impossible to find . ? :)

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whenever you come out of emma browns bedroom

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You had ONE job. Unfortunately, it wasn't enough to support your dying wife and ill child.

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What's worse than having a friend in a car accident? Laughing at their funeral.

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What is fat and white? A polar bear with a glandular problem.

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Every time you log on to a porn site, somewhere a panda cub explodes. BOYCOTT PORNOGRAPHY. SAVE THE PANDAS.

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What did one duck say to the other? Quack.

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what did one toilet say to the other toilet? i would love to flush u

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"Lassie, Lassie, come quick! Timmy is in the well!" "I'm a dog," replies Lassie. "You folks have ropes, ladders, and opposable thumbs. What the hell could I possibly do to help?" With that final act of disobedience, Lassie was turned into fertilizer.

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Burger King cashier: Are you on Team Jacob or Team Edward? Man: I'm on team I'm freaking hungry; now give me my food!

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Knock knock. The door was not answered because, rather than rapping upon the door with his knuckles twice consecutively, Joseph simply said the onomatopoeia verbs vocally. He intended to wish his neighbor and dear friend of twenty years the best of luck with his current situation, as his neighbor had been recently divorced from a marriage of forty-eight years. Joseph then walked home, because intruding upon his friend's privacy would have befuddled him even further.

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Simon walks into a bar. He orders his favorite beer. The bartender says "Hey Simon, I see you're back with the usual, aye?" Simon says "Touch you tongue to your elbow." The bartender couldn't do it.

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Why did the Iraqi airline crash? The pilot was a tomato.

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Nice ass. Too bad it's cracked in the middle, though.

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What do you call a with no arms and no legs floating in the water? About to drown.

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Roses are red Violets are blue Start running Cuz ima F*** you Runn Forest Runn! Jubie

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what long hard and in a tight hole? a penis in a vagina

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There are two types of people in this world, those that can't count

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Theres a black a guy and a mexican in a car, whos driving? The black guy, they are best friends and happen to both be neurosurgeons.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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