Why i'm breathing? I don't want die.

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A professor of literature asked me, "Young Sir, why are you burning those books?" I replied, "Because I need a fire to cremate the bones of your 3 sisters that I violently raped and murdered" He smirked in a witty and arrogant fashion, until raising his head and saying, "Bond, James Bond" He continued to massage his dick with his own pubic hairs before collapsing and dying

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Hey I just met you And this is crazy There's the kitchen Sandwich maybe?

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When does the baby talk When you remove ypur feet from its mouth

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A duck walks up to the lemonade stand. The man running the stand then smiles with a tear in his eye as he is reminded of when he and his now dead parents used to feed the ducks at a nearby lake every Sunday afternoon.

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yo mamma so fat she got pied to be the Olympic swimming pool

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On her day off, a fully clothed stripper walks into a bar she's never been to before. The regulars turn their heads to see who has just walked in, then turn back to their own conversations.

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How do you stop a clown from laughing? You hit it in the face with an axe.

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Can I touch it?

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What did the fish say when it swam into the concrete wall? Nothing. Fish cannot speak

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How do you know that your at a gay barbecue? Because, the hot dogs taste like shit!

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why did the Japanese father cry? because when america bombed japan in wwll it happened to kill the rest of his family

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Two guys walk into a bar, they are both alchoholics and beat their wives.

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What's the difference between Jews, Muslims & Christians? Religious beliefs.

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Scenario: 2 people are in a desert. There is only 1 bottle of water left to drink. Who drinks it? Neither of them, they drink the gallon bottle of gatorade instead.

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Whats a cat? A cat!

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Why did the chicken cross the road? It didn't, most chickens are held on farms, but those that do roam free are afraid of automobiles so therefore they wouldn't go near a road at all. But if the chicken was located in a deserted town there would be no traffic, so then it would be able to cross freely over any road there and not get injured or mortally wounded.

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Q: What did the one legged homeless person get for christmass? A: Frostbite.

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A mountain goat walks into a bar, the bar man asks ''what will it be?''. The other customers question the mental integrity of the bar man, as goats cannot talk

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Why does bobby have no friends? He's dead.

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What does it mean when the drummer drools out of both sides of their mouth? They may have had a stroke and you should immediately call 911.

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Whats green and fuzzy and if it fell out of a tree it would kill you? A pool table.

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You're on fire.

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It's funny, because she's twice his size!

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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