Joe has 30 candy bars and eats 25. What does john have now? DIABETIES. Joe has diabeties. Please comment!!!!!!!

thumb_up thumb_down +4

what did the black guy say to the white guy im black

thumb_up thumb_down -11

Why did the chicken cross the road? Earlier that morning the farmer's daughter had inadvertently left the gate to the yard open as she was preoccupied by her worry over a maths test set for that day. She hadn't studied for the test as she was still deeply distressed over her fathers recent heart attack. This, coupled with the added burden of household chores now delegated to her because her mother was out trying to get the west field prepared for sowing, had made her quite forgetful and distracted of late. Whilst several chickens escaped, only one strayed so far that it actually encountered the road facing the farm. After crossing the road and gorging itself in a soy-bean crop, the chicken was struck by a furniture remover's van as it attempted to make its way home. Several hours later the dead chicken was spotted by a Community Mental Health Worker who was doing his bi-weekly rural clinic run. The chicken, being a bantam, caught the eye of the Mental Health worker, who was a keen trout fisherman. "Cool" thought the mental health worker- "those feathers will make for excellent trout flies". He stopped and plucked a handful of the most iridescent blue, green and orange feathers and placed them in an envelope. He rolled himself a cigarette, sat on the trunk of his car and admired the clouds. "God, I love this job", he muttered to no one in particular.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

Knock knock. Who's there? ... Damn knick knockers.

thumb_up thumb_down +8

Whats the difference between a Duck? One of its legs are both the same.

thumb_up thumb_down +22

Heat oven to 375°. Grease 18 regular-size muffin cups (or 12 large size muffins). In bowl, mix butter until creamy. ... Add eggs one at a time, beating after each. Beat in vanilla, baking powder and salt. With spoon, fold in half of flour then half of milk into batter; repeat. Fold in blueberries.

thumb_up thumb_down +34

What is the difference between a dead baby and a mustang? I dont have a mustang in my garage.

thumb_up thumb_down -2

Why do we learn about the Civil Rights Movement in History class? So it won't happen again.

thumb_up thumb_down +1

A black man says "ask" correctly.

thumb_up thumb_down -5

your mums so fat that shes HUGE!!!!

thumb_up thumb_down +8

What's worse than finding a worm in your apple? 9/11

thumb_up thumb_down -17

Why was the 6 year old girl crying? Her step-dad kicked her in the face.

thumb_up thumb_down +15

Yo momma so stupid she threw a rock at the ground And missed.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

Women's Soccer.

thumb_up thumb_down -7

If Oscar Meyer had a dog what kind of dog would it be? A Wiener Dog!!

thumb_up thumb_down +19

What would Osama Bin Laden be doing if he were alive today? Drowning

thumb_up thumb_down -3

A blond, a brunette, and a redhead all entered their designated classrooms to begin AP testing. They all worked extraordinarily hard to earn a passing grade and receive college credit. The brunette and the redhead received passing, yet average, grades. The blond also received a score that reflected the amount of effort she put into studying and memorizing the material, because there is no correlation between hair color and intelligence.

thumb_up thumb_down -4

Where is my tractor?

thumb_up thumb_down +20

2 boys are going to get candy from the store. What happened? A robbery and they were killed

thumb_up thumb_down -5

So this man is walking down the street. Just walking. Nothing wrong. Suddenly a giant whirlpool appears in the street. The man is sucked in and the whirlpool disappears. Everything's fine right? Right? Yeah, he wanted to die. So every things okay? NOPE. He left the oven on.

thumb_up thumb_down -5

What did the midget get for Christmas? A new watch and a gift card for Applebee's.

thumb_up thumb_down +19

2

thumb_up thumb_down +25

A man said to another man," you are so stupid you climbed a glass wall to see what was on the other side." The second man said," well you were on this side of the wall and I'm going to kick your ass." The second man had been drinking that night.

thumb_up thumb_down -1

Q: How do you make a black man nervous? A: Threaten to kill his family.

thumb_up thumb_down +19

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops