today i wanted to write a joke...... a joke

thumb_up thumb_down +13

What do you do if your batteries die and you have none left? Go to your nearest battery selling retail store and buy some more.

thumb_up thumb_down +8

Your mom is so fat that she steps on the scale and sees a relatively large number compared to the rest of human society.

thumb_up thumb_down -7

whats the difference between an orange and a bicycle? One has handlebars..the other one doesnt.

thumb_up thumb_down -28

My mom just died....

thumb_up thumb_down +15

watermelons are red, pineapples are yellow. i'm not a poet, say hello for me.

thumb_up thumb_down +28

chuck norris threw a grande and killed 50 people then the grande blew up

thumb_up thumb_down -20

Knock knock? Who's there? Interupting Doctor? Interupting Doc... You have cancer

thumb_up thumb_down +17

Whats blue, green and red, and runs trough the strees each sunday? ...What? I have no idea, I was hoping you did.

thumb_up thumb_down +15

Whats worse that biting into an apple with a worm in it? The Holocaust.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

What do you call a dog with no arms and no legs. It doesn't matter what you call him he still won't come.

thumb_up thumb_down -10

Contrary to popular belief when life hands you lemons you cannot make lemonade. Water and sugar are two other essential ingredients.

thumb_up thumb_down +600

"Knock Knock" "Who's There?" "Sara" "Come in, we will have a cup of coffee in the good company of each other."

thumb_up thumb_down -7

An Asian, Burnett, and a Blond are stranded on an island. They all say, "What the crap?! How'd I get on this island?!"

thumb_up thumb_down +28

Q: What happened when Bob the Super-mega-ultra man, in his hurry to return an item that was objectively proven to be hazardous to physically normal people, banged his head very hard against a wall of a random building that was located on his route of travel? A: He recieved a concussion and had to coalesce in bed for a long time in order to return back to his regular style of living. Bob was merely a nominal 'Super-mega-ultra' man. He gets hurt practically as easily as anyone else.

thumb_up thumb_down -11

okay so one time my dog was eating an octopus tail and i was all like...Bro! octopus are our friends dont eat them! then he was all like okay...so later i saw my goldfish eating a blue kangaroo and i was all like bro blue kangaroos are our friends dont eat them and she was all like okay.. so then i saw my sandwich eating itself and i was like bro...let me eat you instead! and it was like okay. then i saw a bear eating you so i was like bro....thats all i said before it ate both of us :( and thats the story of why i have 6 toes on my left buttcheek

thumb_up thumb_down -13

koala's try to hit on teddy bears...... desperate even though we know extinction's comin

thumb_up thumb_down -14

What did the old man say? Nothing he was so old he died.

thumb_up thumb_down -2

*Click* "Hello you have reached a pre-recorded voice at the suicide hotline. We regret to inform you that our consultant has suffered a recent bout of depression due to the sheer volume of calls he has received." "His body was found this morning, hanging from a tree." [L]

thumb_up thumb_down -1

What do you call a black man at harvard? Probably a criminal who is in harvard law trying to find a good lawyer.

thumb_up thumb_down -23

IU football

thumb_up thumb_down +4

What do you call a black man on the moon? An astronaut.

thumb_up thumb_down +4

Why couldn't Jesus get a driver's license? Because automobiles did not exist 2000 years ago.

thumb_up thumb_down -3

What's the difference between a black man and a bench? A bench can support a family

thumb_up thumb_down -12

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops