Justin Bieber.

thumb_up thumb_down -3

A visibly exhausted and distressed man walks into a bar and orders a strong drink. "Long day?" the bartender asks. "No, all days are 24 hours long" the man replies, amazed at how uneducated the bartender is.

thumb_up thumb_down +7,264

IF YOU ARE A GUY: Think about a really hot girl. She has the perfect chest, amazing face, blonde hair, and looks flat out stunning. She takes off her shirt which is very appealing and causes for you to get excited because you might get lucky. She takes off her pants, or skirt depending on the choice that you decided upon when imagining this girl, and is walking towards you in nothing but a bra and panties. She continues to take off her bra and gets on top of you. You passionately kiss and afterwords she whispers in your ear, "are you ready for some of this?" you nod your head and she proceeds to remove her panties. Let's freeze this situation for a moment. Assuming that you would ever be in a situation like that there has to be a catch right? A hidden camera, her husband comes home, a rabbid zombie crashes through the door...something. I am happy to tell you that there are no worries about this because nothing will stop you from making sweet and beautiful love to this woman. So let's get back to the scenario. You not your head and quickly tear off your clothes and begin exploring her body. Now turn her 64 and give her a penis with an amazing amount of pubic hair, make her fat, and submit to this manlady. You ask how this happened? Earlier that evening you took a particularly large amound of LSD, or acid if you prefer, and began tripping out. You began seeing ugly people as hot people, and hot people as ugly people. Your friends were concerned because you were hitting on a tree and started humping it at which you were removed from the party by your date who just so happened to be a fat and ugly hermaphrodite who repeatedly raped you and made you cry in submition to her kinky tactics. Drugs are bad, but they make for interesting stories for your friends to tell their children when they get older at your expense.

thumb_up thumb_down -11

"Ask me if I'm a tea pot" "Are you a tea pot?" "No" Try this on your friends

thumb_up thumb_down +18

Three men are in prison and comparing crimes. The first says that he got three years and he never robbed that store. The second says he served six years and he never hit that lady. The third said he got life, and he killed every child in that orphanage.

thumb_up thumb_down +180

How many militant feminist does it take to change a lightbulb? 2, one to change the bulb and another to suck my dick.

thumb_up thumb_down -3

What do you get when you cross a gay eskimo and a black man? Nothing, as two male humans cannot reproduce.

thumb_up thumb_down -2

twenty three roaches walk into a bar. the bar is evacuated due to insects.

thumb_up thumb_down -30

Haiku's can be fun But they don't always make sense Refrigerator

thumb_up thumb_down +146

A boy got scratched by a dog and nearly killed him. When he grew up, a dog came running up to him and started biting and scratching him till he couldn't handle it. Then a plane crashed into him and he died.

thumb_up thumb_down -4

What do A Canary and a Groundhog have in common? Nothing, Groundhogs can fly, and Canaries can't dig.

thumb_up thumb_down -19

Whats black, white, and red all over? A penguin in a blender

thumb_up thumb_down -24

copy me and i will kill you

thumb_up thumb_down +19

What did the priest say to the kid? You can tell your dog but nobody else, ok?

thumb_up thumb_down -3

A grandma writes to her young grandson every day over e-mail with funny lines and pictures,He shows his parents a joke she sent him it reads- "A guy walks into a bar.. He says ouch" They then read on and call the police.They say "Son go to your room.. you're being stalked by a pedophile.. Your grandma has been dead since last year.. we are sorry"

thumb_up thumb_down -24

What did one traffic light say to the other? Nothing, as traffic lights are incapable of thought as they are not living.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

I'm tired.

thumb_up thumb_down +6

How did jimmy get hurt?? someone throw a fridge at him..

thumb_up thumb_down +2

why did the ginger get made fun of? because he had red hair

thumb_up thumb_down -27

Three explorers are walking through the jungle when they are suddenly captured by a group of cannibals, the cannibals, going through years of culture and hereditary custom, kill the explorers, skin their bodies, chop them to pieces and cook their flesh, finally they eat it giving them a prosperous feast while the rest of the world is unaware of whatever happened in that jungle.

thumb_up thumb_down +16

Why was the boy sad? His parents died in a horrible accient earlier that day.

thumb_up thumb_down -15

what do u call a fat guy in a pool u

thumb_up thumb_down -2

A little boy walks up to his father and asks him a question, "Daddy, how are babies born?" His father then replies in an enthusiastic manner, "You see, I stuck my dick in your mom's vag and started pounding. Apparently two condoms defeat the purpose."

thumb_up thumb_down -23

So a moose, a deer, and a horse walk into a bar. One of the people at the bar was a hunter who was carrying his gun. Several people got up and left after they realized the potential danger of the situation.

thumb_up thumb_down -6

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops