What do you call an asian guy in a police uniform? A police officer.

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A panda walks into a restaurant, sits down and orders a sandwich. After he finishes eating the sandwich, the panda pulls out a gun and shoots the waiter, and then stands up to go. "Hey!" shouts the manager. "Where are you going? You just shot my waiter and you didn't pay for your sandwich!" The panda yells back at the manager, "Hey man, I am a PANDA! Look it up!" The manager's heart skipped a beat, and he locked himself inside his office, trembling with fear and confusion. Yes, it was plausible that a beast such as this could point to a random entry on the menu, and it was physically possible for it to pull the trigger of the gun (and, at such close proximity to the waiter, it would be pretty hard to miss him), but it was shocking and altogether disturbing to hear such an animal speak in human language, much less vernacular English.

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Why was the white girl crying? Because she was sad.

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knock knock go away ok

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Why didn't the chicken cross the road? the redneck got to him first.

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whats the difference between blue and green? there different colours.

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Why was the child lying in the scrap yard? because he was being torn apart by guard dogs.

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Why was Timmy sad? While helping his dad hang Christmas light, he got tangled up in them and fell down. While falling he grabbed a wire, which caused a spark. This spark lit the house on fire. Since he broke most of the bones in his body from falling he could not run away. The house proceeded to collapse an poor Timmy seriously injuring and hideously disfiguring him. By the time the ambulance got there, Timmy was the only survivor for his parents died of smoke inhalation. Since he had no other living relatives he was forced to live in an orphanage for the rest of his childhood. That is why Timmy is sad.

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A man removed Stephen Hawkings hand off his keyboard, what did Stephen say to the man? Nothing his hand isnt on the keyboard.

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what do you do when a dog bites your ear off? you see that you are bleeding then you scream.

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A cowboy rides out to the middle of nowhere and then shoots his horse. He then makes his way back into town and meets a man in the saloon. The man says, "On second thought, I'd like to buy that horse."

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what did the anorexic girl eat today? nothing..

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Why couldn't Billy see the show? Because Billy is blind.

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Why couldnt the boy poop? Because he was staring right in his eye.

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Q:John has 50 candy bars and he eats 45, what does john have? A: Diabetes

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Whats the answer to life? im not sure

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what do you call a man with no arms and no legs? Bob

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What do you call a black man who sells drugs? A pharmacist.

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Justin Bieber is a good singer.

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What do you call a man with no arms and no legs in the bottom of a pit? Whatever his parents named him.

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How does your sister ride a bicycle? My sister does not have any legs.

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Charlie Sheen, Mel Gibson, and Chris Brown all walk into a bar. I don't know what the punchline is, but I'm pretty sure the cops are there.

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What does a eagle and a bunny have in common.. nothing they're two different animals.

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What's yellow and lays in a tree? Tweety the Whore

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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