How much wood could a wood chuck chuck if a wood chuck could chuck wood? A wood chuck could chuck as much wood as a wood chuck would if a wood chuck could chuck wood.

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How do you kill a mime? Shoot him in the face.

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How come Helen Keller couldn't drive? Because cars were not invented back then.

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96

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Get on the boat.

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What did the man say before he died? I am going to die.

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Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? Because it was dead.

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Michael Castillo is gay

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How much wood could a Woodchuck chuck if a Woodchuck could chuck wood? The etymology of the name woodchuck is unrelated to wood or chucking

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What did the starving african child get for his birthday Ebola

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What's brown and sticky? Poop.

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Roses are red Violets are blue But this is Italy So let me fuck you

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Why couldn't the colorblind boy play Twister with his friends? He was a quadriplegic.

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So a Jewish, Hispanic, and Asian man are on a plane. The pilot turns to them and says "aren't you tired of this?"

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There is a bus full of puppies and babies with a plane flying above it carrying 2 tons of explosives. The Bus arrives safely at its destination.

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What does a black guy get for Christmas? your bike.

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Roses are red. Violets are blue. Some poems rhyme, but this one doesn't.

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A horse walks into a bar the bar tender says hey you cant be in here you are a horse so the horse leaves.

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Three men are stranded, mid-ocean, in a small rowboat. They realize quickly that their imminent demise is slowly creeping into the forefront of their consciousnesses. Just as all hope seem to be lost, one man noticed an island covered in luscious foliage about five hundred yards away. A problem reared it's head as it became apparent that an unrelenting riptide was dragging the boat further and further from the shore and, in turn, salvation. It became further apparent that the men would have to abandon their rickety rowboat and swim the rest of the way. The first man bravely jumps into the vast uncertainty of the ocean and attempts to swim to shore. He is met by a large shark that promptly severs his arm from his body. A bloody mess, he manages to touch down on the sandy beach. The second man, more reluctantly, also jumps in. He balanced his chances: "100% death in the boat vs. uncertainty in the ocean." Like the first man, the second man meets the shark's vicious bite. His leg is severed and he too drags himself, bloody, to the warm embrace of sand and freedom. The third man, sure that he would be bitten also, jumps into the ocean and swims to shore. Alas! The third man arrived on the island unscathed and completely fine. Perplexed, the first two men asked the third why the shark did not attack him. The third man simply smiled and replied..."what do you expect me for, a typewriter?"

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Why did my bed broke? Becaus i had sex with your mom!

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Why was 2 afraid of 81? Because seven eight nine.

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Q: Why did the golfer bring two pairs of pants? A: Because he had bladder control problems and feared he may ruin the first pair.

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a guy walked into my house and asked "why do you do the beep test every arvo?" i suddenly replied, im matt minors i get chicks

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Why did Sally fall of the swing? She had Down-Syndrome.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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