What do you get when you cross an owl with a bungee cord? My ass

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Why i Hate people. They are alive. The are breathing. The are near me.

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Why did the President Truman approve the use a nuke over Hiroshima? Sending Chuck Norris was widely considered to be too cruel.

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Paige

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What's white and hides behind a tree? Shy milk.

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How did Helen Keller's parents punish her? They sent her to her room without dinner.

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Why did the little boy fall off the swing? He had no arms.

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A black man and a white man were both pulled over for street racing. They both were also found to be drunk driving. Only the black man was arrested. It turns out the black man had just massacred an entire Amish village before going street racing to celebrate.

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What did the poor sickly orphan get for Christmas? Nothing.

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Roses are red violets are blue I hate rhyming pancakes

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Q.Want to hear somthing that will never happen A. Sure A. the Houston Astros won a game.

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What's black, white and red all over? A zebra carcass

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Have you ever seen that clown at walmart that hides from gay people?

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LeBron James hits a game winning three with time running out in the Finals.

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What's worse than death? Nothing.

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IF YOU ARE A GUY: Think about a really hot girl. She has the perfect chest, amazing face, blonde hair, and looks flat out stunning. She takes off her shirt which is very appealing and causes for you to get excited because you might get lucky. She takes off her pants, or skirt depending on the choice that you decided upon when imagining this girl, and is walking towards you in nothing but a bra and panties. She continues to take off her bra and gets on top of you. You passionately kiss and afterwords she whispers in your ear, "are you ready for some of this?" you nod your head and she proceeds to remove her panties. Let's freeze this situation for a moment. Assuming that you would ever be in a situation like that there has to be a catch right? A hidden camera, her husband comes home, a rabbid zombie crashes through the door...something. I am happy to tell you that there are no worries about this because nothing will stop you from making sweet and beautiful love to this woman. So let's get back to the scenario. You not your head and quickly tear off your clothes and begin exploring her body. Now turn her 64 and give her a penis with an amazing amount of pubic hair, make her fat, and submit to this manlady. You ask how this happened? Earlier that evening you took a particularly large amound of LSD, or acid if you prefer, and began tripping out. You began seeing ugly people as hot people, and hot people as ugly people. Your friends were concerned because you were hitting on a tree and started humping it at which you were removed from the party by your date who just so happened to be a fat and ugly hermaphrodite who repeatedly raped you and made you cry in submition to her kinky tactics. Drugs are bad, but they make for interesting stories for your friends to tell their children when they get older at your expense.

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So once upon a midnight dreery.... In a galaxy far far away that takes place in the past but resembles a technologically advanced future, an evil sith overlord took an innocent Jedi knight and turned him in a cybernetic killing machine. In the end, he dies

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Why did the chicken cross the road? Because he happened to be walking in that general direction.

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What never seems to get old? AIDS.

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What did the gay man say to the other gay man? Hey, we're both gay, let's have sex!

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What Does Alex J Simpsons Face have in Common with his hand? Spaghetti

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" So let's set the world on fire..." Q: How do you do that? A: Strike a match...

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Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? Because it was dead.

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Why did the black homeowner default on his house? He was paying significantly more in mortgage than the actual market value of the home, since he purchased his property before the housing bubble. He carried out a cost/benefit analysis and derived the conclusion that he was effectively destroying his own wealth by paying his mortgage bills.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops