What would be the consequence of a terrorist detonating a 500 kT nuclear bomb in Manhattan? A ridiculous question. All enriched uranium in Pakistan is safe and out of reach of terrorists, their govt. has assured. Please ask about realistic scenarios next time.

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Were can you find a bag of meth? A drug dealer

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Why did the road cross the chicken? Because Einstein said so. According to Einstein's Theory of Special Relativity, if you and the chicken were to cross the road simultaneously, your perspective, relative to the chicken, would remain unchanged. Therefore, the road would appear to move underneath the chicken, which would seem to be performing some style of polka dance.

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Tell somebody that someone told you they look like an owl. When they say "Who?" laugh in their face

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Yo mommas so fat they had to change 'one size fits all' to 'one size fits most'

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What does a tree and a human have in common? They both fall if you chop them with an axe.

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I love you, you live me. Now get the FUDGE out of the tree!!!

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Why did Charlie Sheen laugh at the TV? Because there happened to be a comedy on.

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what did batman say to robin before getting into the car? get in the car.

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What did the old lady say when she went to a restaurant? OH look at the price of this salad.

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What Does Alex J Simpsons Face have in Common with his hand? Spaghetti

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Why did the blond play Russian roulette? She is very poor and needs the money so she can feed her son.

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What's worse than getting a jigsaw puzzle for your birthday? Slavery

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LeBron James hits a game winning three with time running out in the Finals.

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You are so gay you frequently, and consentingly are sodomized by men and frivolously enjoy it.

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What do you get when you cross an owl with a bungee cord? My ass

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" So let's set the world on fire..." Q: How do you do that? A: Strike a match...

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A panda walks into a restaurant, sits down and orders a sandwich. After he finishes eating the sandwich, the panda pulls out a gun and shoots the waiter, and then stands up to go. "Hey!" shouts the manager. "Where are you going? You just shot my waiter and you didn't pay for your sandwich!" The panda yells back at the manager, "Hey man, I am a PANDA! Look it up!" The manager's heart skipped a beat, and he locked himself inside his office, trembling with fear and confusion. Yes, it was plausible that a beast such as that could point to a random entry on the menu, and it was physically possible for it to pull the trigger of the gun (and, at such close proximity to the waiter, it would be pretty hard to miss him), but it was shocking and altogether disturbing to hear such an animal speak in human language, much less vernacular English.

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How do you become thinner in a week? Stand in front of a Bulldozer.

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Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? Because it was dead.

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Why did the man get off the bus? Penis

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Why did the chicken cross the road? What kind of society have we created that a chicken can't even cross a road without his motives being questioned?

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Why did the Kek Kick Ben? Cause Ben kicked Kek's Kik. KEKEKEK

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Whats worse than having a woman faking an orgasm? Having a guy fake one.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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