Why didn't the man eat the carrots? Because he was a vegetarian.

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What is a pirate's favorite kind of pizza? Cheese.

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Why did the boy eat his bagel? He was hungry.

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What did jell say to the carriage driver from Uzbekistan that was underpaid and had no banter? Oh My God ROFLMAOOTG (the last three are "on the ground") "I will beat you with a small child that I will soon feed to the T-Rex's" should be on the list.

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Why does a squid have 8 legs? It doesn't, it has 8 tentacles!

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You are so gay you frequently, and consentingly are sodomized by men and frivolously enjoy it.

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What's red and bad for your teeth? A brick.

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Suzie has no arms and no legs and is on a swing. what happened? she fell and died knock knock whos there? not suzie.

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What do a fish and a car have in common? They are both edible.

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Knock, knock. You do realize you can actually physically knock on the door instead of just imitating the sound effect with your mouth, right? It's actually way more effective that way. Just saying, since it's raining outside and you're cold and want to come in...

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Miss Polly had a Dolly who was sick sick sick So she called for the Doctor to come quick quick quick The doctor came with his bag and his hat And he knocked on the door with a rat-tat-tat. He looked at Polly's Dolly and he shook his head. He said she had leprosy and must have all her limbs amputated.

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Why did the President Truman approve the use a nuke over Hiroshima? Sending Chuck Norris was widely considered to be too cruel.

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Have you seen Stevie Wonder lately? No? Neither has he.

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Poop

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9/11

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How did the black man get out of the bathroom? He opened the door.

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what is purple and hairy like a bear? A purple bear

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Once upon a time, your face.

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Get me a sandwich, bitch

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Why did the Dr love drop hit guitar? Because a bear walked into a bar and killed everyone in there including dr love and was then shot to death by police and animal control.

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What did the widow get for mothers day A miscarriage

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two goldfish are in a tank they swim around happily and have no consciousness of what is happening because of their short memory.

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what is the difference between having sex and having sex on my period ..... i have something to drink when i have sex on my period

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Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? Because it was dead.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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