A panda walks into a restaurant, sits down and orders a sandwich. After he finishes eating the sandwich, the panda pulls out a gun and shoots the waiter, and then stands up to go. "Hey!" shouts the manager. "Where are you going? You just shot my waiter and you didn't pay for your sandwich!" The panda yells back at the manager, "Hey man, I am a PANDA! Look it up!" The manager's heart skipped a beat, and he locked himself inside his office, trembling with fear and confusion. Yes, it was plausible that a beast such as that could point to a random entry on the menu, and it was physically possible for it to pull the trigger of the gun (and, at such close proximity to the waiter, it would be pretty hard to miss him), but it was shocking and altogether disturbing to hear such an animal speak in human language, much less vernacular English.

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Why was the fish swimming on the water? Oh wait it's dead

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How much wood could a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood? As much as he wants to.

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roses are red, violets are blue. Barack Obama says, nice to meet you.

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A man walks into a bar, and orders a drink. He reaches into his back pocket, but cannot find his wallet. The man was pick pocketed by a skilled thief on his walk to the bar. The man quickly makes calls to cancel his credit cards and minimize the financial loss.

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Why did the woman walk into the men's clothing store? She's a lesbian. Why did the man walk into the womens clothing store? He had to buy his mom a birthday present.

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When life gives you aids, make aids-aid.

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What does a farmer say when he can't find his tractor? - Where's my tractor?

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why did the pirate not get in to the pirate movie it was rated arrrrrr

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i'm not gay

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Why is it as hot as the sun? Because it is the sun

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A black person and a hispanic person are in a car, who is driving? The black person, after all it's his car.

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Q. Why did Mary fall down the steps? A. Because she had no legs.

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What do JFK and Hitler have in common? They died.

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How did the priest die? Masterbation

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girl: Daddie, what's at the end of a rainbow? Dad: No sweetie, a rainbow is acually just an illusion constructed by the refraction of light white as it passes through a water particle in the stratophere. Acting as a prisom the particle will seperate the different components of light, ordering them by the rank of the light energy and the intencity of it's frequency and wavelength.

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What's the difference between a duck and a belt? One floats in water and I don't remember the rest but you are a whore.

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Dancing Potatoe!

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Q: What did Santa give the little boy for Christmas? A: Nothing, he's not real

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I've had amnesia as long as I can remember

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roses are red, violets are blue, my name is dave, this poem makes no sense, microwave.

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whats red and black and green all over? a paint job gone bad

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what did the white guy say to the mexican? mow my lawn asshole

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Why can't Kevin run with scissors? Because he killed himself.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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