Roses are red, Violets are blue, What are you doing, I'm ithyphallophobic.

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Bill: Did you hear someone said you sounded like an owl? Dave: Who?

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When I'm sad I cut myself... another slice of cheesecake.

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Why was the picture so dark? Because it was night time and there were no light fixtures located anywhere near where the photo was taken.

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Why did the black man shoot someone? His wife recently left him and he got fired from his job.

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why did the black child get sent to child services? because he has an abusive father and an alcoholic mother

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Ms. Smoot's class

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What do you call: A black person, A white person, A mexican, A Jew, And an athiest? Whatever their names are!

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Why did the girl fall off the swing? She got shot.

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The priest, rabbi and Lady Gaga walk into a bar. Lady Gaga performs on stage, while the priest and rabbi listen.

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What did the bartender say to the bugatti owner? "Don't drink and drive"

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Why did the plane crash? Because the pilot had a seizure.

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A completely inebriated man walked into a bar and, after staring for some time at the only woman seated at the bar, walked over to her, placed his hand up her skirt and began fondling her. She jumped up and slapped him silly. He immediately apologized and explained, "I'm sorry. I thought you were my wife. You look exactly like her." "Why you drunken, worthless, insufferable son of a BITCH!" she screamed. "Funny," he muttered, "you even sound exactly like her."

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How do you wake up Lady Gaga? "Poker Face"

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How do you punish Helen Keller? By grounding her.

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What do you call an asian guy in a police uniform? A police officer.

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My butt!!!!

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How much does a polar bear weigh? The average male weights approximately 1150lbs.

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A: ask me if I'm a truck. B: why? A: just ask me. B: are you a truck? A: no.

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A blind man walks into a bar

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What's worse than missing Taco Tuesday? Your whole family dying in a car crash.

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Patient: Doctor, I was cleaning my glass eye and accidentally swallowed it. Doctor: OK. Lean over and spread your legs. Patient: (Leans over and spreads his legs). Doctor: My God! This is the first time, in all my years of practice, that I've ever seen an asshole looking back at me!

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Whats brown and smells like shit? Shit.

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What happened to the adventurer ? He took an arrow to the knee and became a guard.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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