why did the black child get sent to child services? because he has an abusive father and an alcoholic mother

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What do you do when life gives you lemons? Life is an abstract object incapable of handing out gifts, thus if given a lemon by life you should go to a doctor to make sure you don't have an undiagnosed disease.

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Why did the girl fall off the swing? She got shot.

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What do you call: A black person, A white person, A mexican, A Jew, And an athiest? Whatever their names are!

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Ms. Smoot's class

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The priest, rabbi and Lady Gaga walk into a bar. Lady Gaga performs on stage, while the priest and rabbi listen.

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What did the bartender say to the bugatti owner? "Don't drink and drive"

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A completely inebriated man walked into a bar and, after staring for some time at the only woman seated at the bar, walked over to her, placed his hand up her skirt and began fondling her. She jumped up and slapped him silly. He immediately apologized and explained, "I'm sorry. I thought you were my wife. You look exactly like her." "Why you drunken, worthless, insufferable son of a BITCH!" she screamed. "Funny," he muttered, "you even sound exactly like her."

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My butt!!!!

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What do you call an asian guy in a police uniform? A police officer.

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How do you wake up Lady Gaga? "Poker Face"

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How do you punish Helen Keller? By grounding her.

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How much does a polar bear weigh? The average male weights approximately 1150lbs.

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A: ask me if I'm a truck. B: why? A: just ask me. B: are you a truck? A: no.

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A blind man walks into a bar

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What's worse than missing Taco Tuesday? Your whole family dying in a car crash.

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What happened to the adventurer ? He took an arrow to the knee and became a guard.

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How much wood could a wood chuck chuck if a wood chuck could chuck wood? 17

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Whats brown and smells like shit? Shit.

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Potato.

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What did the kid say when you gave him a cookie? Thank you.

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There were two muffins in an oven one muffin said, "Is it hot in here or is it just me?" the other muffin said, "AHHH A TALKING MUFFIN!"

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Why did the black man order a bucket of Kentucky Fried Chicken? His wife just died in a tragic car accident and he is a horrible cook.

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Yo mamma is so fat she needs a highly dangerous gastrointestinal bypass and if she dies you will wish she had made more of an effort to diet.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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