why did the truck crash into a tree? cause staplers dont know how to drive

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What's brown and sticky? A stick.

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Little Jimmy was afraid, and didn't like Santa Claus. So one Christmas Eve, he poured rat poison in Santa's milk. Little Jimmy no longer has parents.

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There was an Englishman, an Irishman and a chest of drawers. The Englishman put a flask of coffee in the top drawer without even looking. Diane hates wrestling.

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Why couldn't the little pirate see the movie? His dad had just died in a freak accident on the boat. He was going to the funeral that day. Life as a pirate isn't at all as it seems. Little Jimmy the pirate, had nothing. He had no family. His mother dead already, his sister and brother refusing to speak to him because he ran off to be a pirate with his father. Clearly, he had no idea what he was getting into, because his father was gone. What was he to do now? He had no one to go to. The ship mates were all either completly insane or never sober. That very night, Jimmy took the pistol off the ship captian and shot himself point blank in the head. Little Jimmy is in a better place now. With his mother and father. In a place where he cant be harmed any more. I miss you Jim <3. ~ Jack Sullivan

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Why couldn't the blonde drive? Because she was 14, thus incapable of having a drivers license

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Why do seagulls fly over seas? Because if they flew over bays they'd be called bagels.

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an englishman an irishman and a scotsman walked into a bar there was no welshman. they didn't phone him due to his uncontrollable thirst for violence

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Why is Ian a virgin? Because he watches cartoon porn

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A family of aristocrats walks into a talent agency and shows their performance. The talent agent asks: "How do you call yourselves?" They say: "The Aristocrats", "because that's what we are; Aristocrats."

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What's after 9/11? 9/12

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a man walks into horse bar

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whats 2+2? 4

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Do you have liquid tape? No ( But he really did)

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Why did the chicken cross the road? Because once it had inadvertently escaped the farm it was being kept on it was startled and with no concept of road and pavement happened to traverse a road, with no real motive.

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how do you get a taco? Buy one!

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An Asian teenager bought his first gun, and proceeded to go hunting with his father in the wilderness.

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Why didn't the black man feed his family? They'd eaten about an hour ago.

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What's brown and green and if it falls out of a tree on top of you, it will kill you? A pool table

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what red black and white al over? a t.v I was kidding about the red part

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You can buy me a rose, and if I love roses, that rose would make me happy, you can buy me a large house by the ocean, but if I do not like big empty spaces and dislike the sea, it would make me sad. I am no longer sure what would make me happy, so no.

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Ill wait for you as long as you need Nero, I am just so glad you are alive and well... I know you, you would not be this chatty unless you where doing far worse, I know you will recover, dont think about the time for my sake, ill refresh this page every five minutes or so.

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What do you call a dog that's half poodle, half bulldog? A dog.

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What do you do with dead chemists? You carefully place their remnants in a casket, which is to be placed in a precisely dug hole. Once the casket is placed, you put a gravestone into the ground, signifying the chemists' date of birth and death.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops