how do you drown a blonde? strategically place a scratch and sniff sticker at the bottom of a swimming pool (or just a regular sticker because, quite honestly, they won't be able to tell the difference as the water fills their lungs)

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What did one deaf mute say to the other deaf mute?

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They decide to exchange heads. Barbie squeezes the small opening under her chin over Ken's bulging neck socket. His wide jaw line jostles atop his girlfriend's body, loosely, like one of those novelty dogs destined to gaze from the back windows of cars. The two dolls chase each other around the orange Country Camper unsure what they'll do when they're within touching distance. Ken wants to feel Barbie's toes between his lips, take off one of her legs and force his whole arm inside her. With only the vaguest suggestion of genitals, all the alluring qualities they possess as fashion dolls, up until now, have done neither of them much good. But suddenly Barbie is excited looking at her own body under the weight of Ken's face. He is part circus freak, part thwarted hermaphrodite. And she is imagining she is somebody else—maybe somebody middle class and ordinary, maybe another teenage model being caught in a scandal. The night had begun with Barbie getting angry at finding Ken's blow up doll, folded and stuffed under the couch. He was defensive and ashamed, especially about not having the breath to inflate her. But after a round of pretend-tears, Barbie and Ken vowed to try to make their relationship work. With their good memories as sustaining as good food, they listened to late-night radio talk shows, one featuring Doctor Ruth. When all else fails, just hold each other, the small sex therapist crooned. Barbie and Ken, on cue, groped in the dark, their interchangeable skin glowing, the color of Band-Aids. Then, they let themselves go— Soon Barbie was begging Ken to try on her spandex miniskirt. She showed him how to pivot as though he was on a runway. Ken begged to tie Barbie onto his yellow surfboard and spin her on the kitchen table until she grew dizzy. Anything, anything, they both said to the other's requests, their mirrored desires bubbling from the most unlikely places.

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Ask me if I am a truck. Are you a truck? No.

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Sticks and stones can break my bones And words can make me lonely

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What's green and has wheels? A snow flake. I lied about the wheels, and the color.

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A turkey and a ham walk into a room. The ham says to the turkey "You're a turkey." The turkey in response says, "Yeah, well you're a ham!" They both then get their heads chopped off, as the room they were in was a slaughterhouse.

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A seal walks into a club...and is taken in custody by animal control due to the club having a no animal policy.

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A wealthy businessman gets into an elevator with a poor, ragged janitor. They take the elevator up 19 floors. As the businessman leaves the elevator, he turns to the janitor and says, "Good day to you, sir."

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Knock-knock. Who's there? Doorbell repairman

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Whats brown and sticky? Shit.

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Wheelchair high jump

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Why did the chicken cross the road? Because he obviously had to attend to his planned schedule which involved a meeting which was to take place on the opposite side of the road.

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A horse walks into a bar. the bartender says "hey. get out."

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A black man walks into a book store.

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What did the compliemantry peanuts say to the man? "Nice tie."

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What do you call a car with no wheels or engine? Immobile

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Why does Santa Claus not have children? Because he only comes once a year.

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What did one musician say to the other? "We should have gone to college."

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Why did I get raped

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What do you call a black man with a well paid job? A sucess and a credit to himself and his family

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Roses are red, violets are blue, I have Alzheimer's, sauce on apples.

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Why was the pilot suspended from flight? He was the terrorist who caused 911. OUCHH

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What does Osama Bin Laden and the typical Western man have in common? Extensively modern ppoorrnnoo-graphic collections.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops