How do you kill the President of the United States? Your name has been reported to the authorities.

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A guy is walking on the beach one day when he stubs his toe on something shiny. Digging in the sand he finds an old, tarnished lamp. He takes it home and liberally applies polish, then puts it on his mantlepiece, it completes the look he was going for in his room and he feels like all his wishes have come true. His wife dies in a car accident later that day.

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a man walks into a bar it hurt

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why can't Hellen Keller hear? she is deaf.

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Friends are like penguins because when you throw a polar bear at them they die

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asparagus

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Roses are Red Violets are Blue I have Alzheimer's ... Roses are Red Violets are blue I have Alzheimer's (continues)

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If we all evolved from apes. Abbie didnt go that far

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How do you pleasure your grandmother? Ask your brother

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Yeah? You like that? Its like art for some.

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A Priest and a Rabbi pass a Muslim boy sleeping on the street. The Priest remarks "What a tragedy"; the Rabbi agrees and they both open non-denominational homeless shelters in their temples.

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What's black and tasteless? either herpes or a redheads soul

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What do you call a drunk irishman? A cab.

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shirt and blue, i call this one snow white, to score and seven years a jo, six samurai kageki, coral, 50 piece, specific frame, whats with that one, amy, hoption, smell my butt, smell my balls, smell my fart, smell my poop, urgay, one swipe, maestrostalfos, imdesiringyourhair, i call this one the cinderella story if you HAAAAAAAAAA know what i mean, paul are you ok?

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How do you kill a fashion icon? First make sure their blonde and stupid like most. then take a barstool preferably or what ever is closest then........ WACK HER IN THE EMPTY SPOT WHERE HER BRAIN SHOULD BE.

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I have a good knock knock joke: You start it.

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What do you call a guy who makes jokes about a girl being in the kitchen? Single.

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What's the difference between a watermelon and a baby? One of them I can whack with a hammer, the other is a watermelon.

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how many rapists does it take to screw a lightbulb?

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Why was 6 afraid of 7? Because 7 was a big fat bully!

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whats red and black and green all over? a paint job gone bad

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A horse walks into a bar. The bartender asks "Why the long face?". The horse does not respond because it is a horse. It can neither speak nor understand English. It is confused by its surroundings and gallops out of the bar, knocking over a few tables.

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Why was the black woman poor? Well, she grew up in a wealthy family, but both of her parents died. Her new parents were not very supportive and she began to not care about school. She did not go to college because of this and was not able to get a job. Therefore, she had no money.

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Why can't I believe it's not butter? Because it is butter.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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