A teacher notices one of her students clutching a cat. She asks him why. The boy, tearfully, explains that he heard his father tell his mother that he was going to eat her pussy when the kids left for school. The teacher laughs and, the class being 10-11 years old thereby at an age approaching biological curiosity, decides to mix this in with a sex education video she was planning on showing them a few weeks later. She then phones the boy's parents who come to collect the cat while reassuring the boy that it is in no danger. The cat was popular with the boy's classmates and they would often go to visit him as a result. Many years later, just after the boy started attending university, the cat was put to sleep at the age of 13 due to liver cancer. The boy placed a Facebook post in honour of his feline friend, which was spotted by a former classmate of his in a routine search who happened to be attending the same university. They ended up reacquainting and beginning a sexual relationship, which was how the boy lost his virginity and eventually blossomed into a 37-year marriage resulting in three children.

thumb_up thumb_down +41

A dentist, a librarian, a construction worker, a gynecologist, a zookeeper, a shoemaker, a terrorist, a politician, a cyclist, a truck driver, a kangaroo, a Mexican, a blonde, a Jewish black guy, a Honda Civic, a monkey, a penguin, an FBI agent, a stock broker, a president of a foreign country, a CEO of a very wealthy company regarding AIDS, a founder of one of top downloaded apps in the market, a chief executive, a cook, a waitress, a priest, a nun, a little boy, a fairy, a dinosaur, and a skeleton walks into a bar. There's no punchline.

thumb_up thumb_down +39

A fish swims up stream for his natural spawning cycle. The fish was out of shape and died from heart failure.

thumb_up thumb_down +39

Bye, Ax... Nerochan, you just gonna leave me in this state? I mean wont you stop it? I know hypnosis and all but I mean I have like black belt in hypnosis but since you began it, I do not really want to stop it.

thumb_up thumb_down +39

Knock Knock? Who's there? Dr. Fishbourne Dr. Fishbourne? Yea, I've come to inform you that your son has committed suicide due to lack of parental care and love.

thumb_up thumb_down +39

you want to hear a joke? sure... too bad

thumb_up thumb_down +37

Why doesn't Gary like me? Because I killed his family and fed them to him.

thumb_up thumb_down +37

12

thumb_up thumb_down +37

"Why did the chicken cross the-" "Gosh! Why can't we just live in a world where a chicken can simply cross the road without being questioned about it's motives?!?!" ~McKenna<3

thumb_up thumb_down +37

Why did the man eat his hat? Autism.

thumb_up thumb_down +37

Christopher Walken to a bar.

thumb_up thumb_down +37

What do you call a black priest? Religious.

thumb_up thumb_down +35

Q. How do you break into a store that's closed? A. You walk in, I was lying about it being closed.

thumb_up thumb_down +35

A gorilla walks into a bar and orders a banana martini. The bartender thinks this is a little peculiar and then becomes aware he is actually dreaming. He wakes up from his dream and begins to tell his wife about the ridiculous dream he had. His wife just ignores him, the man rolls over and begins to sob because he realizes his marriage is in shambles.

thumb_up thumb_down +35

if a kayak was stuck in a tree with its headlights on, how many pancakes stacked will it take to get to the moon? none because snakes dont have armpits

thumb_up thumb_down +35

Uh, erm, uh...I don't know.

thumb_up thumb_down +33

Person 1- your face is a stupid joke Person 2- you're right, because it's not a joke its a face

thumb_up thumb_down +33

What do you call a successful black man who has it all? A hip hop artist.

thumb_up thumb_down +33

- How can you call a person, who hasn't got a left eye, a left hand and a left leg? - All right.

thumb_up thumb_down +33

25

thumb_up thumb_down +31

How do you wake up Lady GAGA? A sludge hammer!

thumb_up thumb_down +31

Why can't Hellen Keller Drive? Because she's dead.

thumb_up thumb_down +31

If there's a clown in a blender, how do you get him out? Tostitos.

thumb_up thumb_down +29

Why are you reading this? You should be taking a shower, you smell like crap.

thumb_up thumb_down +29

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops