When life gives you lemons you get sugar and water and make some good lemonaide.

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I ate high protein foods and now my flatulence smells wrank.

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What's worse than finding an apple in your wo- wait, what?!

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Why couldn't the duck get his driver's license? Well, it was a duck and as far as we're concerned they don't have thumbs or arms and are therefore incapable of driving.

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What did Death say to Life? "Look, I respect that you waited till after I broke up with Sandy to ask her out, but it's still a little akward for me, so although there are no hard feelings, it's probably better if we keep our distance from each other for awhile."

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Guy 1: Are you alright? Guy 2: No, i'm half left!

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A Black man and an Asian man are at a bar. They have a few drinks and then leave.

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What happened when the white man saw a black man running with a purse? He called the police. The police proceeded to chase the black man down tackling him into a dumpster, causing permanent spinal damage. Upon investigation into the situation, the black man was deaf and he was bringing the purse, which contained an epi-pen, to his dying wife a block away. The white man who called the police and the police officers involved were sued by the family for a large sum of money.

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What do you call an alligator in a vest? An amphibious mammal wearing clothes. Why would you ask me that.

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how many prostitutes does it take to fix a lightbulb? it depends how much you pay them

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Roses Are Red Violets Are Blue A Face Like Yours Belongs In The ZOO. :o

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What did Helen Keller say to a stranger at a party? I earned a Bachelor of Arts degree, wrote several books, traveled to over 39 countries, and was awarded the Presidential Medal of Freedom, one of the United States' highest two civilian honors, from President Lyndon B. Johnson.

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wanna hear a joke? asians with t i t s

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Why'd the squirrel fall out of the tree? Because it was dead.

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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2qg6AkhIYVs

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What three letters alter boys into men and girls into women? The letter containing their bank card, the letter containing their national insurance card and the letter accepting them into a job or higher education placement.

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Why did little Bobby put a firecracker in the dog's ass? Don't worry, he used lube.

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I used to be an inventor, but I had other ideas.

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An Irishman walks out of a bar...

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A man walks into a bar. We see him as he approaches the register wearing a dark hoody. The surveillance camera seen here catches a glimpse of the man's face appearing to be a white male with mustache and beard. As you can see the man opens the register and takes the money before the bartender can get to him. If you have any information about this crime please call crime stoppers at 1-800-GET-HELP. In other news, the DOW JONES reached a record high today as investors in China begin working on keeping the economy from plundering.

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I like pom

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Roses are red Violets are red I murdered the gardener

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What does Na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na equal? A lot of sodium

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What's worse than locking your keys in ur at outside of an abortion clinic? Going in side and asking for a coat hanger!!

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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