How do you make a blonde scream? Set her on fire.

thumb_up thumb_down +11

Your mother is so stupid she never finished College thus having to work many menial jobs to provide for her family.

thumb_up thumb_down +11

im a selling a car

thumb_up thumb_down +11

Why does your mother not love you anymore? Because she was in a tragic car accident 5 years ago and is now deceased and is therefore incapable of love.

thumb_up thumb_down +11

Two trains, each having a speed of 30km/h, are headed at each other on the same straight track. A bird that can fly 60km/h flies off the front of one train when they are 60km apart and heads directly for the other train. After reaching the other train, the bird flies directly back to the first train, and so forth. What is the total distance the bird travels before the train collide? Who cares about the bird if two trains are going to collide? You need to call this in immediately.

thumb_up thumb_down +11

I had a "What would jesus do bracelet" and some kid kicked me in the shin... As i was contemplating on what to do to him, i looked at the bracelet and remembered.... SO I SET HIM ON FIRE AND SENT HIM TO HELL!!!

thumb_up thumb_down +9

Q: Why did the singer stop singing? A: Someone threw a car at her face.

thumb_up thumb_down +9

Why did the frog fall out the tree it was dead. Why did the second frog fall out the tree it was stapled to the first frog. Why did the third frog fall from to the tree peer pressure. Why did the fourth frog fall from the tree the third frog was his son. Why did the fifth frog fall from the tree he thought it was a game. Why did the sixth frog fall from the tree he shared the same body with the fifth frog

thumb_up thumb_down +9

guy 1: hey, i got a new dog. isn't he cute? guy 2: i just lit him on fire

thumb_up thumb_down +9

What do you call poop in a black man's toilet? Poop.

thumb_up thumb_down +9

A horse walked into a bar. Animal control was immediately called and the horse was returned to it's original owner.

thumb_up thumb_down +9

What's the difference between a computer and a television?

thumb_up thumb_down +9

Knock Knock Whose there? Get out of the bathroom Get out of the bathroom who? No, your in the bathroom

thumb_up thumb_down +7

Billy comes home from playing with his friend as he walks to his front yard he comes across his mother...she is dead on the floor his friend then says "im SO sorry your mom is dead but at least you still have your dad" Billy than replies "my mom is my dad" billy then is put into a foster home and spends years trying to recover from the fact that he is the freak offspring of a hermaphrodite

thumb_up thumb_down +7

Women Voting

thumb_up thumb_down +7

Did the chicken cross the road? No because it was in a fenced in area like all farm animals should be

thumb_up thumb_down +7

Your mother is so fat, that the doctor said, "Go on a diet or you will get a Cardiac Infarction."

thumb_up thumb_down +7

Q-How do you kill an elephant? A- An elephant gun Q- How do you kill a blue elephant? A- A blue elephant gun Q- How do you kill a red elephant? A- Strangle it until it turns blue then use a blue elephant gune Q- How do you kill a purple elephant?

thumb_up thumb_down +7

Whats the difference between a black baby and a white baby? the black baby is black

thumb_up thumb_down +7

What's worse than finding twelve dead babies nailed to a tree? One living baby nailed to twelve trees.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

Why did Helen Keller cross the road? To end her misery.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

Q;what do you call a fish with two knees and personally HANDS out JOBS A: a blowfish

thumb_up thumb_down +5

Why did the man get thrown out of the cinema? The man began to masturbate. He was also blind.

thumb_up thumb_down +5

Q: Why did sally fall off the swing? A: She got hit in the face with an axe

thumb_up thumb_down +5

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops