Why can't Helen Keller drive? Because she's dead

thumb_up thumb_down -29

What's better than sex? Nothing

thumb_up thumb_down -35

What did the man say to the horse in the bar? Nothing, communication requires listening and comprehension which horses cannot process in their brains. If anything the man said it at the horse, not to him.

thumb_up thumb_down -39

Why did the cop not arrest the driver? The Driver shot him 2 minutes earlier.

thumb_up thumb_down -41

Why did the car suddenly stop? It was at a redlight.

thumb_up thumb_down +62

what did the man see in the mirror? Nothing, he was blind.

thumb_up thumb_down +54

A ninja walks into a bar the bartender asks "what would you like?" The ninja says "i'll have two green eyes" the bartender says "we dont have green eyes this is america" so the ninja is so mad that he goes home and brutally beats his wife with a spatula.

thumb_up thumb_down +50

When I was a kid, I had a clown at my birthday party. He molested me. Later I found out the clown was my dad.

thumb_up thumb_down +50

Why is jim gay? because he likes men

thumb_up thumb_down +48

What's the best part of a family reunion? The sodomy.

thumb_up thumb_down +46

knock knock. Who's there? Jehovah's witness. *Door Locks*

thumb_up thumb_down +44

Knock Knock, Who's there? The Police. *No Answer* The police then give the S.W.A.T the signal, bust down the door, and kill 15 high profile targets issued by Liberia. The man who did not answer the door was Carlos Pedrouez, a serial killer, meth addict who has been apart of the Arizona sex slave trade for over a decade. The world can now sleep softly. The door was also red.

thumb_up thumb_down +42

What do you call a needle with two points? A two headed needle.

thumb_up thumb_down +42

How many years old is Chuck Norris? The same amount of years that it has been since he was born.

thumb_up thumb_down +40

Agricultural production fell significantly.

thumb_up thumb_down +40

Why do I know Vin Diesel is gay? Because I sucked his dick

thumb_up thumb_down +40

you want to hear a joke? sure... too bad

thumb_up thumb_down +40

roses is red violet is blue i will smack you

thumb_up thumb_down +38

A completely inebriated man walked into a bar and, after staring for some time at the only woman seated at the bar, walked over to her, placed his hand up her skirt and began fondling her. She jumped up and slapped him silly. He immediately apologized and explained, "I'm sorry. I thought you were my wife. You look exactly like her." "Why you drunken, worthless, insufferable son of a BITCH!" she screamed. "Funny," he muttered, "you even sound exactly like her."

thumb_up thumb_down +38

What's the difference between a catholic priest and acne? Acne waits until the boys hit puberty before coming on their face.

thumb_up thumb_down +36

A dentist, a librarian, a construction worker, a gynecologist, a zookeeper, a shoemaker, a terrorist, a politician, a cyclist, a truck driver, a kangaroo, a Mexican, a blonde, a Jewish black guy, a Honda Civic, a monkey, a penguin, an FBI agent, a stock broker, a president of a foreign country, a CEO of a very wealthy company regarding AIDS, a founder of one of top downloaded apps in the market, a chief executive, a cook, a waitress, a priest, a nun, a little boy, a fairy, a dinosaur, and a skeleton walks into a bar. There's no punchline.

thumb_up thumb_down +36

What's dead? Your mum.

thumb_up thumb_down +36

(Knock Knock) Who's there? You were late paying your mortgage and now your house is being repossessed by the bank.

thumb_up thumb_down +30

Why did John fall off the tree? We were throwing rocks at him.

thumb_up thumb_down +30

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops