What do you call an alligator in a vest? An amphibious mammal wearing clothes. Why would you ask me that.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

what's red and smells like water? Red food-coloured water.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

A Black man and an Asian man are at a bar. They have a few drinks and then leave.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

Why was the man crying He wasnt his allergies were acting up.

thumb_up thumb_down +5

What did the deaf, dumb, blind, and mute child get for his birthday? Nothing, his parents hate him.

thumb_up thumb_down +5

A man walks into a bar. He has a drink. Then goes back home.

thumb_up thumb_down +5

What do you get when you mix a mexican and a frenchman? A person of mixed racial heritage.

thumb_up thumb_down +5

hiya im writing this coz im drunk and ktieally slumped over the keyobard i feel relaly sick man and i dunno why i;lm teling you this, coz i should reallyt nbe om nrd ny noe. goodnight antijokers

thumb_up thumb_down +5

A blind man walks into a bar with a guide dog in one hand and his girlfriend in the other. The bartender says "Nice dog." The blind man says "Thanks."

thumb_up thumb_down +5

Two cows are in a field one cow says moo the other cow say shit thats what i was gonna say

thumb_up thumb_down +5

What time is it when grandpa sits ontop of a telephone pole and throws pineapples at people? Time to go to a nursing home

thumb_up thumb_down +5

A Priest and a Rabbi pass a Muslim boy sleeping on the street. The Priest remarks "What a tragedy"; the Rabbi agrees and they both open non-denominational homeless shelters in their temples.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

what's the difference between people and horses? people have two less legs.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

What is the unltimate Jewish dilemma? Free pork

thumb_up thumb_down +3

'Knock knock' 'who's there?' 'Whinny the poo' 'Whinny the poo who?' 'Whinny the poo'

thumb_up thumb_down +3

What is the biggest fictional book ever made? Either the Bible, or the Dictionary.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

why did the chicken cross the road to get to the other side

thumb_up thumb_down +3

A family walks into a talent agency. It's a father, mother, son, daughter and dog. The father says to the talent agent, "We have a really amazing act. You should represent us." The agent says, "Sorry, I don't represent family acts. They're a little too cute." The mother says, "Sir, if you just see our act, we know you would want to represent us." The agent says, "OK. OK. I'll take a look." The family performs an array of disgusting sexual acts. For the longest time, the agent just sits in silence. Finally, he manages, "That's a hell of an act. What do you call it?" And the father says, "It has no name."

thumb_up thumb_down +3

What do u call a guy makin dinner? Gay.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

There was once a simple man. His life was far from what could be described as extravagant, living alone in a dingy apartment full of leaking taps and insects and lacking a working refrigerator. He wasn't an ungrateful man but he often wondered why life was cruel to him and prayed every night for something magical to happen, whether it be a brand new life, or even something simple like a new fridge. One fateful late afternoon as he staggered along the dim backstreet, partially crippled and pained from his standard day of labour, he came across a brass lamp just laying in the street. Glancing around, the man bent down to pick it up, knowing very well the story of the genie in the lamp having just watched Aladdin the previous night. Peering into its dull surface, he saw eyes staring back at him, eyes he didn't recognise. Anxiously, he ran his hands over the surface of the lamp, feeling the coolness of the metal on his rough blistered hands. But nothing happened! Disappointed but desperate for his dreams to be fulfilled, the man frantically shook the lamp, tears streaming down his face, wonder how life could be so cruel. Then a fridge fell out of the lamp and crushed him and he died the end.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

How do you kill 23 kids? You put 24 kids in an arena.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

Paddy and Murphy are walking down the street, Paddy says to Murphy, "Alright Murphy? How's the kids?" Murphy says to Paddy, "Not bad, thanks."

thumb_up thumb_down +3

Thomas the Tank Engine could see Express up ahead on the tracks! His driver shut off steam and applied his brakes. Ahead of him Gordon groaned "Ohhhhh stop your train! Stop your train! His driver and fireman jumped out quickly. Thomas tried his very hardest and eventually found himself slowing down. But there wasn't enough time and Thomas smashed right into the express. Seven people were killed and Thomas himself was smashed to pieces.

thumb_up thumb_down +1

Here is a joke for you: minecraft -blarg

thumb_up thumb_down +1

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops