Q) why did jimmy kick the bucket. A) Because his dad is an alcoholic and Beats him to the point of near death, so He takes his anger out by kicking anatomit Objects such as a bucket.

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How do you make a bllind person cry? Slowly cut off their toes.

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Immediately following his inauguration, Bush called Obama into the oval office for a private meeting and some words of advice. Bush and Obama shook hands as gentlemen do and then Bush asked if Obama wanted to hear a joke. Obama eagerly said yes, "Good..." Bush said, handing Obama a battered copy of the United States Constitution, "...the joke is in your hands", and with that Bush turned and left.

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What do you tell the woman with two black eyes? Nothing. You already told her twice.

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what do you do if you wake up at midnight and your tv is floating? -call the police because you caught a burgler in the act of stealing your tv

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Why is evan a lil poop? cause he pooped my poop all the pooping ;)

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the guy on tv right now isnt funny. i blame canada

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Want to hear a joke about my penis? Nevermind it's too long.

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Q: Where does a hooker go for her footlong? A: Subway

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Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? It was dead. Why did the second monkey fall out of the tree? It was stapled to the first one. Why did the third monkey fall out of the tree? Peer pressure.

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What did the monkey say to the garbage collector? Eiiiiijajajaajaja EIIIIJAAAA

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When I'm sad I cut myself... another slice of cheesecake.

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want to hear a joke? so a guy comes into a bar, wait no it was a horse so a guy comes into a horse,,,

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knock knock. Who's there? Jehovah's witness. *Door Locks*

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Why does no one we talk about Nagasaki, they got bombed too...

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Why did the Mexican guy run to the hospital? Because it was faster than walking.

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A Holocaust joke? I did Nazi that coming...Anne, Frankly, I'm quite offended.

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Two goldfish are sat in a tank, one says to the other 'I forgot who you are' to which the other replies 'I forgot what you said'.

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What's worse than a worm in your apple? Two worms in your apple.

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How much does a polar bear weigh? The average male weights approximately 1150lbs.

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Why did the little girl get a haircut? A; she has cancer.

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Why couldn't Simon run? Because he had Cerebral Palsy.

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What do you say when you take a nasty shit in you friends bathroom? There's some nasty shit in there.

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Why doesn't Gary like me? Because I killed his family and fed them to him.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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