How do you make a mother at the playground cry? You steal her 3 year old daughter

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Why couldn't Jim pogo-stick? He didn't have one.

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If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd probably put all the labials, coronals and dorsals in separate places sorted into plosives, nasals and fricatives, with the vowels at the beginning sorted by their relative IPA chartings, to make it more logical and easily attainable to foreigners.

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A horse walks into a bar. The bartender asks: "why that long face?" The horse, being a horse, thus not being able to comprehend the complexities of a conversation, says nothing and then shits on the floor.

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Roses are red, Violets are red, Trees are red, HOLY SHIT MY GARDEN'S ON FIRE

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A bartender walks into a bar. It's his shift.

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What was the pirates grade? Arrr That isn't a valid grade

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I was trying to think of a joke to write, but then I became unsatisfied with my creativity and began to spiral into a depressing tangent of thoughts. I just took 37 Ambien, and have approximately ten minutes to live. Instead, I will spend my last moments writing goodbye messages to friends on Facebook and longingly looking at images of the past. Goodbye, world.

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four people walk into a maze with a billion dollars in the middle.the people are santa clause, the easter bunny, a smart mexican, and a dumb mexican. Who gets the money. oviously the dumb mexican gets it. why you ask. because the other three are not real.

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Where do black people get there hair cut? At a hairdresser.

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why did the baby die because it was diagnosed with lukimia

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An American man and a Chinese man have a conversation. The American man asks the Chinese man after a couple of minutes of speaking, "How long have you lived in the United States?" The Chinese man replies, "I moved to the United States when I was ten years old."

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Did you hear about the elderly bank robber? Me neither.

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What's black and white and red all over? A nun in a blender.

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why did the child go to hospital with 52 broken bones,lung and kidney failure,heart disease and cut off penis. because his mum threw a fridge at mikeanator_27

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Yo mama is so fat she went on a diet and lost weight.

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Why did the shark put on a dress? She was getting ready for prom.

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Knock Knock, Who's there? Shmellmype. Shmellmype who? HAHAHAHAHA (read out loud)

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A Tatooine moisture farmer, an old man, an astromech droid, and a potocol droid walk into a cantina at Mos Eisley Space Port. The bartender says, "Hey, we don't serve their kind here! Your droids will have to wait outside." The moisture farmer then says to his droids, "Why don't you wait out by the speeder, we don't want any trouble." The protocol droid replies, "I heartily agree, sir."

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Betty Whites ALIVE?

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Q: Have you heard from that guy who dropped a piano on his head? A: No one has, he dropped a piano on his head.

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Poop

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Why did the zombie go to school? Zombies do not exist and certainly do not go to school.

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How do you save someones life? Do not kill them.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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