Not an anti-joke, but an anti-pick-up-line: How much does a polar bear weight? Not as much as you!

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Two goldfish are sat in a tank, one says to the other 'I forgot who you are' to which the other replies 'I forgot what you said'.

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Q: is this the krusty krab? A: No this is patrick!

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What happened to the alligator who waled into a bar? He was killed and skinned by swamp hunters in Louisiana.

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2 guys walk on the street and see a pile of crap. One says "That looks like crap." The other one stops and looks at it for a few seconds and says "You're right it is crap." They both avoided stepping on the pile of crap and continued on their walk.

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Whats worse than being arrested for a crime you didn't commit? Teenage pregnancy.

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#1 rule in arguments: if losing, start correcting their grammar

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"Why did the chicken cross the-" "Gosh! Why can't we just live in a world where a chicken can simply cross the road without being questioned about it's motives?!?!" ~McKenna<3

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whats worse than having your bike stolen? Getting raped

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Why did the addict choke himself with a trash bag? His family couldn't afford a funeral and it was the quickest way to disappear.

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What did the cripple kid get for Christmas? Cancer. You know what he got the next the next Christmas? Nothing he died.

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What's worse than a worm in your apple? Two worms in your apple.

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What's funnier than the Holocaust? Most things, as the Holocaust was a terrible tragedy.

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Q: What is a duck's favorite thing to smoke? A: Quack

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A minor walks into a bar. He's not very good at limbo.

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Why did the mom go to jail? She committed infanticide. lol.

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How do you spell Mississippi with out an i? You can't because removing an i from the word Mississippi would cause it to be spelled incorrectly.

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Uh, erm, uh...I don't know.

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That moment where the screen shouts "HE MAN" And you look at the guy and go... Hmm did they say He-Man or She-Man? HE MAN!

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What's worse than finding your dad's wedding ring while fingering your sister ? 3 bee stings.

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Ask me if I'm a tree. Are you a tree? No. Ask me if I'm a bush. Are you a bush? No.

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How many blind people does it take to screw in a light bulb? Does it matter?

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Two kids walked into a bar. One jumped over it

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What's the diffrents beetween a carrot and a dead baby? One I like to eat in my soup, the other one s a carrot.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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