Goats are like mushrooms. If you shoot a duck, I'm scared of toasters

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you know what hurts.... PAIN

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Why do all black people have nightmares? Beacause we killed the only one with a dream..

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what did the banana say to the apple i dont know because bananas dont talk

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What is worse than a Catholic priest being caught red handed raping 7 kids? 1. Thou shall not steal. 2. Thou shall be kindeth to thy neigbour... 3. Not attending to church is a sin... Moral: Catholic priests need to get their priorities straight... or gay, just not pedo!

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Why did the monkey fall off his tricycle? He got hit by a fridge.

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Little Miss Muffet Sat on a tuffet, Eating her curds and whey; Along came a spider, Who sat down beside her But was offered the window seat, Because this was Little Miss Muffet's stop

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See you ******* dogface! All right? You're a compulsive *********** sit on that swivel! Stop swearing!

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Q:why do bananas where sunscreen? A:beacause they peel!!haha

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Ken: Your dog is sick, he needs to see a vet. Megan: Omg, what is it? Ken: It's a medical person who treats animals.

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What did the cab driver say to the duck who wanted a ride in the cab? Get out of the cab.

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Why couldn't the boy play catch with his dad? His Dad is dead.

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Friends are like trees. They fall down when you hit them with an ax.

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How many cops does it take to change a lightbulb? 1

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Q: What's worse than 10 dead babies in a tree? A: I'm sure there are lots of things.

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How many times have I told you not to do that? Fourteen.

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A man was building a new kitchen for his wife. Just as he was installing the sink, his wife comes running into the kitchen and starts cursing. "What's the matter?" he asks. "Don't you like the new sink?" His wife replies, "I love it. But come quick, there's a spider in the living room!" The man walks over with a paper towel, grabs the spider, and throws it into the garbage. The wife looks at the husband, smiling, and says, "Thanks."

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A student goes up to the teacher because he has to go to the washroom. The teacher tells him that he has to sing the ABC's before he can go. So the boy sings, "ABCDEFGHIJKLMNOPQRSTUVWXYZ." The teacher said he did a perfect job and could go to the washroom. The boy went on to become a billionaire. Congrats!

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Why did the chicken cross the road? Because it was an animal of minimal intelligence and didn't know of the underlining risks involved in crossing a high speed passage for cars and other road baring vehicles, the presence of the chicken in the road also prompted further danger for the drivers involved in the situation. This resulted ultimately in not only the death of the chicken in hand, but also caused two cars, one with a male driver aged 35 and the other with a female driver aged 42 and her two children, to collide. This cost hundreds of pounds in damage for the male driver, who escaped with minor injuries, and the death of one of the woman's children. The whole event was an unnecessary disaster.

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Why is amouse afraid of cheese? Because they usually die when they get it

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What did Sarah Palin say to her daughter on Christmas? Merry Christmas

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What is Helen Keller's dogs name? She had fish.

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What's red and bad for your teeth? A brick

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If a tree falls in the woods, and no one is around to hear it - Is there still a woman in the kitchen?

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops