Roses are red, I want a gravestone, nobody loves me, forever alone

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What do you call a dead cat on the side of the road? Kitty litter

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What's worse than losing your phone? Getting raped anal until phones fall out

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What do you do if Zombies are chasing you and your friend? Trip the friend.

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Lol, thats sweet, you making me nervous in a good way now. No, the thing is that I need to use this crap every morning, yeah, but its late here now, and since I was born with this condition, remembering is far easier than forgetting, and while the bleeding has stopped now, I was never in any pain whatsoever, and the bleeding would have stopped eventually because of you know... Coagulation? But, if I lets say spend a week without my meds, things would look pretty ugly. I get the meds for cheap, by my new doctor since the old one was a bitch... Excuse me, can we take five minutes? I know I said I would return last time and did not, but I will, I am just a bit... Well, I need a bit more blood in my body right now, I am fine, no danger... If I where I would not be chatting here, but getting my ass of to the doc.

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What's as bad as doing something you don't like? Doing another thing you don't like

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What did the deaf, dumb, blind, parapalegic kid get for Christmas? Cancer

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A man walks into an anti Joke.

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There was a girl who dumped her diver boyfriend because she couldn’t get him to give her a pearl out of an oyster. This particularly female has rather high expectations for her significant others.

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yo mamas so ugly she turned madoosa into stone

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Yo mamma's so black, and that's ok. We're all different and unique.

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What's better than a pile of dead babies? Anything.

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Knock knock Whos there? ... You got ding dong ditched

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Two men walk into a bar. The third one ducks.

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Why was Jesus able to walk on water? Because he was the son of God and therefore devine, he can do whatever he pleases

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What do you get when you cross a cat with a giraffe? A genetically unstable animal that dies shortly after birth.

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Oh hot damn, this is my jam. Strawberry, to be specific.

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Q:How many prostitutes does it take to screw in a light bulb? A: Two

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What do you get when you cross a Shake Weight with Parkinson's Disease? You get a sentence that doesn't explain the end of the joke and leaves you without any closure.

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Why did the girl fall out of the swing? Because she didn't have any arms.

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A horse walks into a bar... it was accompanied by a blind man for it was a seeing eye pony and the bartender who was not tolerant to blind people turned away the man causing him to recieve dirty glances from the kindly patrons of the bar.

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Why did the girl fall off of the swing? Why was the swing in the kitchen?

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roses are red violets are blue i've got a boner and it raging for you

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Why didn't the boy respond to the text? His phone had run out of charge.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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