Why didn't suzie go to school yesterday? She was brutally hacked into pieces and now she"ll never experience school again

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If pro is the opposite of con, what is the opposite of progress? Regress.

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Q: What would you do for a Klondike bar? A: I would make the slightly onerous journey to the local grocery establishment and pay my hard-earned money to procure a dessert which I quite enjoy.

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You can pick your friends, you can pick your nose, but you can't rob a bank. That's a felony.

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Roses are red Dead bodies are blue You can't see me But I see you

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What did the hot rod say to the other hot rod Its hot in here

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yo mamas so ugly she turned madoosa into stone

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Lol, thats sweet, you making me nervous in a good way now. No, the thing is that I need to use this crap every morning, yeah, but its late here now, and since I was born with this condition, remembering is far easier than forgetting, and while the bleeding has stopped now, I was never in any pain whatsoever, and the bleeding would have stopped eventually because of you know... Coagulation? But, if I lets say spend a week without my meds, things would look pretty ugly. I get the meds for cheap, by my new doctor since the old one was a bitch... Excuse me, can we take five minutes? I know I said I would return last time and did not, but I will, I am just a bit... Well, I need a bit more blood in my body right now, I am fine, no danger... If I where I would not be chatting here, but getting my ass of to the doc.

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ok i'm typing, so how does this work?

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How do you stop a black person from drowning? You don't.

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Why didn't the boy respond to the text? His phone had run out of charge.

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ur gay and this joke sucks

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What do Tom Cruise and Santa Claus have in common? They are both are fat and have beards, except for Tom Cruise.

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Oh hot damn, this is my jam. Strawberry, to be specific.

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Three men are on a plane. (Note, that this is a low-altitude plane, in which they are allowed to open the windows) The stewardess offers the first man refreshments. He asks for an orange. The stewardess agrees, on one condition: that he throws it out the window. Confused, the man complies, and upon receiving his orange, he throws it out the window. The stewardess moves on to the second man, who asks for an apple. The stewardess agrees, on one condition: that he throws it out the window. Also confused, the man complies, and upon receiving his apple, he throws it out the window. Finally, the stewardess moves onto the third man, who asks for a bomb. Without question, the stewardess agrees, on one condition: that he throws it out the window. With no reaction, the man receives the bomb, then throws it out the window. Upon landing, the first man sees a woman crying. With a sympathetic heart, he asks what's the matter. She replies, "I was walking down the street, and an orange came from the sky and hit me in the head." The man brushes the event off as a coincidence. The second man sees another woman crying. Upon asking her what's the matter, she replies, "I was walking down the street, and an apple came from the sky and hit me in the head." The man, confused, apologizes and walks away. The third man sees a woman hysterically laughing. Intrigued, he inquires her jolly. She manages to state through her hysteria, "When me fart, me whole house blow up!"

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Your momma is so fat that she is on a diet and exercises regularly.

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Why did the boy drop his ice cream. He never got an ice cream he is alergic.

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biggest lie in the world. I love you grandma.

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What's the difference between a black man and a pizza? Literally an endless list of things.

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What does a lonely man do on opposite day? Lick his dog's penis.

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Chuck Norris watches TV.

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A rabbit enters in apharmacy and asks for a carrot. The man says:"There aren´t any carrots in here." In the next two days the same happens, but the man replies that he'll hammer the rabbit if he comes back. In the other day, the rabbit is found dead with a bloody hammer nearby.

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What did one dolphin say to the other? Nothing. It was dead.

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What is worse than the Holocost? Keeping the Jews alive.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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