Why did the tomato blush? It didn't - red is the natural colour for ripe tomatoes.

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What is a bear's favorite televison show? It doesnt have one because it is a bear which makes watching television an illogical fallacy.

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How do you know a dude is dead? He doesn't breath, he has no color in the face and his heart has stoped.

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What did the priest say to the rabbi? "Hey Joe, how's the family?"

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What did Sam say when the basketball hit her face? Ouch.

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Women's sports.

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, I am a whore, Let's have sex.

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What happened to the orphan on Christmas? he got raped

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What happened to the guy who ate an alarm clock at six o' clock in the morning? He puked a lot, and was diagnosed with a horrible digestive disorder.

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So I was talking dirty to this deaf chick right...She didn't hear me.

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Why did Susie fall off the swing? She had no arms ... Knock knock Who's there? Not Susie

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What did the boy do when he was cold? Got a blanket.

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Go figure, you seemed pretty fucking scared of me back then. "autocast" hypnotic priming, anchors, you know what that is right? You for (as an example) clap your hands whenever you succeed at hypnotizing yourself while staying awake in a lucid state, then you repeat it until you one day just clap, your body remembers the whole sequence and boom it works right away. You did not think that PaulMcKenna could just touch people and have them do what he wants without even telling them what to do right? Especially not McKenna, I learned a lot from Richard Bandler, absolutely nothing from Anthony Robbins, everything I could ever want from Igor Ledochowsky, and absolutely nothing from PaulMcKenna, I went to him last, I should have skipped Both Robbins and Kenna, they use NLP and... Basically call it hypnosis.

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Q: Why did the chicken cross the road? A: Because he was forced, along with thousands of his poultry counterparts, on a march to meet their imminent death at a mass slaughterhouse. Upon being beheaded and processed, the meaty corpse was delivered to a local grocery store and cooked into a wholesome family dinner.

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here's a great way to ruin someone's 'knock knock' joke: Knock knock Come in!

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A man walks into a bar. The bartender asks what he'd like to drink. The man pulls out his gun, shoots the surprised bartender, and proceeds to execute all the patrons of the bar and finally commit suicide. A post-mortem identification of the man identifies him as a victim of childhood sexual abuse and a diagnosed schizophrenic. There is a nice funeral for all the victims and the media respectfully minimizes exposure of the event.

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Did you know why people actually fear clowns? Because slapstick humor is dead

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your life

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*Knock Knock* Who's there? Nobody. Go make some friends.

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What do you call a box with a dead Jew in? A coffin.

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A tree walks into a bar. But it is a dead tree so it actually didn't

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Your mother is so fat that her doctor recommended that she exercise regularly and eat foods with nutritional value.

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how do you keep a blond in sespence you dont tell her

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If John has 32 candy bars and he eats 28, whAt does he have? Diabetes. John has diabetes.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops