A tree walks into a bar. But it is a dead tree so it actually didn't

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Your mom is so dumb, she has difficulty acquiring a job to support her family.

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What's blue and smells like pee? Pee, I lied about the color

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This is my rifle, this is my gun, one is for shooting, the other is decorative.

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timmy: a duck walks up to a lemon stand and says to the man running the stand hey... Paul: what r u talking about its duck it can't talk

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What did Santa Claus get for Christmas? Non-believers.

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Is this Chick-fil-a? No, this is Joe.

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Roses are red violets are red, the grass is red Holy crap! My yard is on fire!

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A piece of rope walks into a bar, and asks for a beer. The bartender says, "Sorry, we don't serve ropes here." The rope goes into the bathroom, ties himself into a knot, then rubs himself against the walls until his ends are ragged. Then he walks out and says to the bartender: "I'm a frayed knot." The bartender replies, "Right, I see that you've tied yourself into a knot and frayed your ends. So what? What are you trying to prove?" "Well, I...I mean, it was supposed to be a pun, and you were supposed to react like...like it was..." "Look, I thought I was doing you something nice by letting you use the restroom, even though I told you we don't serve ropes here. And then you go in there and rub yourself against the walls or some crazy shit, and probably get them all dirty, and you come out and expect I'm going to give you a drink because of a pun? Is that how you think this works? Get out of my bar before I call the police." The rope slinks out, still tied in a knot, and eventually finds somebody willing to buy a bottle of cheap vodka for him at a liquor store. He never sets foot in the bar again.

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So a seal walks into a bar... ...seals can't walk.

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A Horse walks into a Bar The Bartender runs for his life as he is tripping on acid and believes the horse is a sheep. He doesn't like sheep.

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What do you call a man with no arms or legs after he got into a fight with his cat? You call him by his name and apologize for leaving catnip on his head.

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How do you make a mail man cry? Run him over with a forklift.

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What do you call a deaf person whom is behind the wheel of a car about to run off a cliff? ....

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Why is Michael J Fox so good at using shake weights? Because he is motivated to stay in good physical shape.

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knock knock who's there? julian julian who? julian gonzalez

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Q: Why do so many of these anti jokes contain refrigerators? A: Seriously I don't know why

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A horse walks into a glue factory..

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what do you get when you cross a daniel lesiak with nothing? Answer - A gay homosexual

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There is a black man and a Mexican standing near the edge of a cliff, the black man turns to the Mexican and says, "We probably shouldn't stand this close to the edge of a cliff" The Mexican agrees and they step away from the cliff.

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Then there was that caveman that ordered a whiskey on the rocks...

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What do you call a dead blonde in a closet? A rape victim.

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why couldnt sally help timmy pick up his ice cream? she had no arms

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why did the 1st koala fall out of the tree ? it was dead why did the 2nd koala fall out of the tree ? it was hit by the first koala why did the 3rd koala fall out of the tree ? it thought it was a game why did the 4th koala fall out of the tree ? it was hit by a fridge why did the 5th koala fall out of the tree ? it was inside the fridge

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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