There are two types of people in this world, those that can't count

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Knock Knock The occupant uses their peephole and realizes it is a familiar face then proceeds to let them in.

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Last Christmas, I gave you my heart, But the very next day, I died.

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'Knock Knock' "Who's there?" 'Nobody. Your schizophrenia has become so bad you can barely make it through a normal day without emotionally collapsing. Your social life has dissolved into a world of fear, and your personal relationships have crumbled away before your eyes. Major depression and anxiety are eating you away. You have nothing left.'

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What's worst than finding a worm in your apple Finding half a worm in your apple .....

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Do you know what the forest fire got for Christmas? Your house

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Knock Knock. You don't have a door.

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How many teachers would it take to find their way out of a maze? Depends on their area of speciality. If the teacher(s) are mathematicians or logicians, probably one or two at most. If they are home economics teachers, possibly more.

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Why didn't bob like night clubs? He was epileptic

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Why did Jimy fell down the stairs, because he was adopted.

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Wanna hear the most repeated joke on anti jokes? Why did [insert name here] fall off the swing? Because he/she had no arms. Knock knock. Who's there? Not [insert name here].

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Who is the most vile man in Britain? Jerry Carr, the guy who works at the casino.

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How did leatherface cut a tree when he lost his chainsaw? He just asked a friendly neighbor to borrow him a axe

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A Japanese Nuclear Scientist goes to the swimming pool, and buys a ticket. He went to the changing rooms and proceeded to have a lovely bit of exercise, which helped him burn off the calories from his carbohydrate based luncheon.

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Roses are red, Wait. Why start this poem when you cant finish it Refrigerator

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What happens when your dog is bad? A crying dog who has to sleep in the BACKYARD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Stupid dog....

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Want to hear a popular joke? Women's Rights

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Knock. Knock. Who's there? Banana. Banana who? Are you mentally handicapped? Bananas are fruit.

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What do you call a dog with no legs? It doesn't matter what you call him he isn't coming anyway!!!!

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What's worse than finding a spider hidden in your sheets? The spiders being followers of the devil then sucking out your soul and giving it to the devil while your body gets stretched and you die a very painful death.

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What did the black man get for christmas? A present.

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A Polish immigrant goes to the Department of Motor Vehicles to apply for a driver’s license. He has to take an eye test. They show him a card with the letters C Z W I X N O S T A C Z. “Can you read this?” the optician asks. “Read it?” the Polish guy replies, “No, sir. Allow me to put on my glasses."

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Why did the tomato blush? It didn't, tomatoes are naturally red by colour.

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why is the spine-tailed swift the fastest bird? because its faster than the second fastest bird.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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