A burglar broke into a house one night. He picked up a CD player to place in his sack and a strange, disembodied voice echoed from the dark, saying, "Jesus is watching you." He nearly jumped out of his skin, clicked his flashlight off, and froze. When he heard nothing more, he shook his head, clicked the light on, and began searching for more valuables. Just as he pulled the stereo out so he could disconnect the wires, he heard, "Jesus is watching you." Freaked out, he shined his light around frantically, looking for the source of the voice. Finally, in the corner of the room, his flashlight beam came to rest on a parrot. "Did you say that?" he hissed at the parrot "Yep," the parrot confessed, then squawked, "I'm just trying to warn you." The burglar relaxed. "Warn me, huh? Who in the world are you?" "Moses," replied the bird. "Moses?" the burglar laughed. "What kind of people would name a bird Moses?" "Devout Semites," the parrot replied.

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Why couldn't the boy see the pirate movie? Because it was sold out

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Some say Helen Keller can't write a good book. You know what she said? Nothing.

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did you hear about the dyslexic, overweight, wheelchair bound blind guy? No? Niether did I, I'm deaf so don't hear about anything.

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An alligator crawled into a bar Animal control is promptly called and he is released in a nearby lake

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What did the little boy get from his parents on Christmas? Nothing. His parents died 2 nights before in a tragic car crash.

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A father and his son get into an accident and are whisked away to the hospital. The father dies, and the son is brought into surgery. The doctor is rushed in, but looks at the boy and says "I can operate on this boy, his my son." How is this possible? The boy's father was a zombie.

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What do u call 30000 Mexicans rolling Dow a hill. Hahaha your mom

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whats gay and american? a gay american

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Q: What race was Jesus Christ? A: None, he's not real

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Whats the difference between a black man and a white man? the pigment in their skin.

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The other day I went into the bathroom to take a poo, It was Glorious I flushed the toilet and everything.

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like if your cool

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Q. Why did Sarah fall off of the swing? A. She had no arms. Knock, knock. Who's there? Not Sarah!

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Why'd the monkey fall out of the tree? Because he was tired of this joke.

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Why did the bakery run out of the business? They weren't making enough dough

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Why is facebook ruining all of the world's social skills? Because Mark Zuckerberg has Asperger's.

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Where does Mario go after you finish the game? Drug rehab.

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What gets bigger and bigger and bigger, then dies? A baby.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? Oh..wait...that's actually an anti-joke already...

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What's black and white and red all over and can't turn around in an elevator? A nun with a spear through her back

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Why was the blind man bored? - He was in a coma

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The Holocaust is worse than any number of bee stings. Unless, of course, bees separated people of certain ethnic backgrounds from their families and killed them off bit by bit by stinging them.

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What did the man give his wife for her anniversary? Nothing. The man is a raging alcoholic and forget her anniversary due to his high alcoholic intake during the past few weeks. Even if he did remember he most likely didn't care after seeing his wife cheat on him with another woman putting his marriage into shambles.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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