Why did the squirrel fall out of the tree? Because it was dead. Why did the second squirrel fall out of the tree? Because it was stapled to the first one. Why did the third squirrel fall out of the tree? Because it thought it was a game. Why did the tree fall over? Because it thought it was a squirrel.

thumb_up thumb_down -24

How do you confuse a Mexican? Stand in the middle of a crosswalk while shouting "Cthulu will rise!" whilst looking at the sky and playing "Everybody Have Fun Tonight" by Wang Chung. Works every time.

thumb_up thumb_down -24

Grandpa loved a good joke, he died laughing. The doctor said it was a severe stroke probably brought on by smoking aggravated by high cholesterol and high blood pressure.

thumb_up thumb_down -24

What's blue and looks like water? Yes.

thumb_up thumb_down -26

A man walks into a bar, he purchases a drink from the barman proceeds to finish the drink and then leaves.

thumb_up thumb_down -26

Oracle horacle, you big bloated boracle!

thumb_up thumb_down -30

Why did John get hard? He froze to death

thumb_up thumb_down +29

Q why did the girl scream A she got hit with an axe

thumb_up thumb_down +25

Why is the sky blue? Because it is

thumb_up thumb_down +17

Knock Knock Nobody Nobody who? Nobody, did you not hear what I just said.

thumb_up thumb_down +15

Why was Helen Keller's leg yellow? Because her dog was blind too.

thumb_up thumb_down +13

Why is Stevie Wonder called Stevie Wonder? Wonder where I am.

thumb_up thumb_down +11

What do you get if you convict a white man of murder? A black man in prison.

thumb_up thumb_down +11

How does Hitler tie his shoes? with little Nazis!

thumb_up thumb_down +9

Why couldn't Gladice get out of bed? Because she was dead!

thumb_up thumb_down +5

Donald Trump

thumb_up thumb_down +3

Roses are red, Violets are red, I stabbed someone in my garden, There's blood everywhere

thumb_up thumb_down +1

Yo mama so stupid, she scored poorly on her SAT exams in high school. She was unable to recieve a college education. She now works as a full time waitress at a small diner. She earns minimum wage and is still getting nowhere on her search for a better job.

thumb_up thumb_down -3

Two muffins are in an oven. One muffin says to the other muffin, "Sure is hot in here." The other muffin says, "AHHHH! A talking muffin."

thumb_up thumb_down -7

What did Santa Claus get for Christmas? Santa isn't real.

thumb_up thumb_down -7

What's the difference between Paris Hilton and a cow? Cows are ruminants, meaning that they have a digestive system that allows use of otherwise indigestible foods by regurgitating and rechewing them as "cud". Paris Hilton, on the other hand, is a human being. Therefore, her stomach digests the bolus (masticated food) only after it has exited the oesophagus into the body of the organ, where it is digested into chyme and then passed through the pyloric sphincter into the duodenum.

thumb_up thumb_down -7

What is red and fluffy?... Your teddy bear covered in blood...

thumb_up thumb_down -11

roses are red violets are blue me + you =the perfect 2

thumb_up thumb_down -11

what did the little boy get for christmas? nothing his parents stuck him in a mental ward to forget about him because he was mentally challenged.

thumb_up thumb_down -19

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops