Run, Run, As fast as you can, You can't catch me, I'm in a car.

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knock knock. who's there? your neighbor. o hi come one in!

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What's so funny about Mexicans? Nothing. They're all humans too.

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What's sad about a pile of dead people? They didn't have life insurance.

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Why are babies like shake weights? Cause If you shake them long enough, they both end up being inanimate objects.

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Why was 6 afraid of 7 7 eight 9

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It is wrong to strip a homeless man of his clothes and chew his face off. Note to self: Explain this to someone before they have taken bath salts.

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Why did the girl fall off the swings? -because she had no arms

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I'm on the seafood diet, a large proportion of my daily food intake consists of fish.

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What did the traffic light say to the car? Bye.

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Whats white, fat, and looks like a horse? An albino horse who apparently has a high chance of diabetes.

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Why did the little boy die? His mother got an abortion...

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what did the little girl with no legs and no arms get for christmas? Cancer

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Q. What do you call a bashed black man laying on pavement? A. Neapolitan

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An anti-joke

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In the middle of english class, Little Timmy raised his hand and asked "Can I use the restroom" The english teacher said " I don't know, CAN you?" Little Timmy said "When I was using "can" I was using its secondary model form as a verbal modifier asking for permission, as opposed to expressing an ability. I thought since you were a teacher you'd know that. My bad. MAY I use the restroom?

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There's a football player who walks into a bar and sees a gay guy. The gay guy says, "So you're a football player, right?" The football player says, "Yes." The gay guy says, "I have a game of football myself. It's called fart football. It's where you drink a mug of beer in less than five seconds and then you drop your pants and fart for the extra point." The gay guy goes first. He drinks the mug of beer in less than five seconds and farts. The football player goes. He drinks the mug of beer in less than five seconds then he drops his pants and before he farts, the gay guy says, "BLOCK THAT KICK! BLOCK THAT KICK!"

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This guys grandma comes to live with him. While shes there she has a stroke. He rushes her to the hospital and waits for her to come out of surgery. The doctor comes out and says "i got good news and bad news" The guy says " give me the bad news" the doctor says "your grandma has had a massive stroke and wont be able to go to the bathroom by herself or eat by herself, so you'll have to feed her baby food and change her Diaper for the rest of her life." So then the guy goes " well shit whats the good news" The doctor goes "Ahh im just kidding she died"

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Why did Helen Keller cross the road? Hoefuwpugosihfioapfsoihosw[

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What do you call someone trying to be funny? An anti-comedian.

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A man starts acting weird in a resturant, the waiter says "whats the problem sir?" The man says "I'm choking and I just died."

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What's black, blue, and read all over? The newspaper.

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How many dead babies can you fit in an oven? Depends on if you put them in the blender first.

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Are we in Tennessee? Because I recently saw on the side of the road that it was 10 miles to Memphis.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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