Optimist: The glass is half full. Pessimist: The glass is half empty. Realist: Find something better to do than talk about a glass.

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Why did the catholic preist take all the little boys out in the woods? They were going on a camping trip.

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How do you wake up Lady Gaga? You set the alarm for a reasonable time. - Louis

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Why did Sally fall off the swings? She has no arms. Knock knock Whose there? Not Sally, she has no arms

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My dad weights 350 lbs. He decided to switch to diet soda.

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Roses are red Violets are blue I look down My pants are brown.

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Why did the retarded man fail his math test? He didn't study.

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whats something you really wanna call a black person it starts with an "N" and ends in an "R" A. Friend i was joking about the "N" and "R"

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Q:Whats the difference between Glenn Close and a black widow? A:one is a person, the other is a species of spider.

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Why didn't the kid eat lunch at school? He wasn't hungry.

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wanna hear a sad joke? you! by mad james

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How do you take a picture of a man with a wooden leg? You can't take pictures with wooden legs.

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Peas

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, Penis.

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why was the 6 year old boy crying? his mother had just passed away from terminal cancer and his stepdad caught him crying so he kicke hm in the face and told him to man up.

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Why was the teacher sad? Because her boyfriend broke up with her.

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A man walks into a bar, buys a pint of beer, talks to his friends for while and leaves.

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Two polar bears are sitting in a bathtub. The first polar bear says, "Pass the soap." The second polar bear replies, "No soap, radio." OMG YOU DON'T GET IT?!?!?!?! NOOB

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One day a terribly epileptic child is put on on a strict Atkins diet by his loving mother. A week later he finds that the frequency and intensity of his seizures have been reduced by its ketogenic effects, which provides exogenous fats for the body to burn, but limits the available carbohydrate so that ketone bodies build up. It is the high level of these ketones which appear to suppress seizures.

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3 men of different races walk into a bar. The bartender then proceeds to ask, "what would you 3 men like?"

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There once was a plain Cheerio. He has a decent life with a low paying job and an apartment. One day, he decided to make his life more fun and started going to parties. He met some women and had a good time. He was happier and was soon promoted at work. The next day, he woke up and tasted himself, only to discover that he was now a Honey-nut Cheerio. He continued to go to parties and met a girl that eventually became his girlfriend. He became a manager at work and moved into an expensive condo. The next day, he woke up and tasted himself and was a Frosted Cheerio. He then quit his job and opened a club, where he became the most popular Cheerio in town. All guys wanted to be him, girls with him. At one party, his girlfriend asked him for some punch. He went to the kitchen but couldn't find any. There was no punch-line.

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Why couldn't the baby play with the blocks? It died during birth.

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Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? It had a heart attack. Why did the baby fall out of the tree? It was stapled to the monkey

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How to shrink China's population in a few minutes? Nuke them all, simple.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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