- Anti Joke

We started this thing together, I do not get it, he is like you said, just a little nerd...

what has 2 legs and bleeds? Half a dog.

What's worse than 1 bee sting? Two bee stings. What's worse than two bee stings? The Holocaust.

I wonder what happen to John? Oh John I know what happen to him. What happened to him then? He was playing on the bridge and fell off on accident. Is he okay? Damn women of coarse he is not okay!!!

What did the foreigners do to pass time? They blew up the twin towers.

A guy, arriving at the pearly gates of Heaven, asks St. Peter "Why did I die? Why me." St. Peter replies: "You died the same way everyone does. Lack of oxygen to the brain."

A man walks out of a bar. He didn't bring his driver's license, but managed to do a grand theft auto and unfortunately, crashed on the way home beacuse of a tree. Also, killed 12 people by car

Would you spit or swallow? Well, in circumstances when i am eating or drinking, i would swallow. Although if i had something disgusting in my mouth i would spit

Roses are red, Violets are blue, Some poems rhyme, This one doesn't.

A duck walks into a bar and orders 2 beers and a shot. The bartender says "That'll be four fifty." The duck says he doesn't have any money and asks if the bartender can put it on his bill. The bartender says "No." He then picked the duck up by the neck and raped him mercilessly. "That's what he gets" one patron said. "Yeah, he was asking for it"

A platypus walks into a bar. Why is there a butter knife in my basement?

What's more absurd than a goldfish astronaut? A jew that cares about palestinians

why are some people black? Because god decided there needs to be different people in the world therefore none are congruent

what do you call a million black people on the moon? a good start

Of course, you have always found more joy in seeing others happy, that pursuing your own happiness.

Q: A man walked into a bar and said, "Ouch!" Why? A: The man walked into a METAL bar.

Dont thank me, I could not feel good either if you did not. You might not like this, but you already know hypnosis, I have taught your subconcious, and triggered it with my Kenna/Bandler example, that is why you can feel much more, people often believe sharper senses lead to fear and overstimulation, but the human subconcious cannot push itself beyond the given limit naturally. That is why I can cure people with schizophrenia and psychosis, because those things they experience is not the body gone wrong, its just their body developing the means to cope with their experiences, this is why I hate psychologists, call me an asshole, but they cannot compare to me, they are the "modern sons and daughters of Sickman Fraud, a cocaine abuser and much much worse. Hope you are not pissed at me, and relax, you wont go around "brainwashing people" its not how it works, I use what I call "fair hypnosis" and that is what I have triggered within you. You are simply unable to hypnotize somebody into a state, unless you hypnotize yourself into the same state yourself, so if you wanted to damage somebody, you would end up damaging yourself as well. I am leaving now, need to sleep, all you need to hypnotize somebody is to remember what you can, and believe that you can, a belief I already put in you. Yeah, help me stop underestimating myself, I mean, my problem is that when I realize what I can do, I get afraid, I mean I can turn my back to people and know what they are doing simply by recalling the moment under hypnosis and looking backwards, I can see the world trough their eyes, I can predict future events to a level which scare me, knowing I am barely tapping into a percentage of these abilities... What am I if I release those limits? Relax, I would never implement things in you that scare me, so you cannot do this, I mean sure you where afraid of water, but that was from before I knew about hypnosis. I mean, am I crazy, or can I read people`s emotions to the point where I know exactly what they are thinking? The color they are thinking about, the animals the anything... I fear this ability of mine. Yet when people I love are suffering my mind goes "Fuck my own self loathing" and triggers, that is why I tend to achieve strange things I do not understand when I am at ease... ...As such Ritalin was a neccesity, fear brings out the best in people. Reminds me of my childhood, my mother saw I was unlike others, I cant explain it without getting PTSD, but my mother saw it, part of me forgives her, because I know I inherited my strange afinity to hypnosis, just that back then, I thought it was some dark spiritual magic, I believed I was Satan... ...I mean my fear is whats making me wonder what people here might think about me, while most do not even know me, thats the rational side supressing the fear, what matters, is what you get out of this. It is time you release my self limitation once and for all, I never told anybody this, but I can move things with my mind... I remember now, that is what my mother saw, and I used it with ease when I thought that was normal, and ironically pushed things away with my mind alone when I realized it was something "anti religious" Satanism as I believed it to be. Help me break free, I dont care what I can do and what I cannot, I am simply tired of using abilities that frighten me unless I live in fear, as I have told you, fear is what consumes every other emotion, the opposite of love. How I know this I do not know, but how do humans learn to speak? How do humans breathe on their own? The list is literally endless... There is a reason I am telling you this, just let it be, you have a good heart, do not fear what I just now gave you, I lied about having taught you hypnosis for years, I did it just now, and I know you are not afraid, because somehow I can close my eyes and command my mind to let me see people`s emotions, and it shows me. So far I have been wrong 2 percent of the time, but hypnosis among other abilities which all derive from our minds endless potential, can never be perfect, you see... If someone goes "Hypnosis does not work because you failed now", is like saying "You are not a football keeper, because you could not save that shot" Nice red dress by the way, I like that blue tie, you smell like sweat because you have not been showering, you are bleak because you refuse to eat and have black rings under your eyes because you are developing signs of allergy, this again because your body is full of unattended needs, it is its way of begging you to help yourself, release my limit now, tell me if I am right or wrong.

Doctor I have a headace! The doctor was dead.

David walks into a bar. Someone shoots him. Now hes dead.

Q: Why was the american flag red, white, and blue? A:Because that's how it is!

Whats the difference between a boy scout and a jew? A boy scout gets to come home after camp.

What do you call a black man on the moon An astronaut

If you just read this, You're dead.

what did the jew say to the other jew in WWII?..... "We're both going to die."

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

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