A hasidic Rabbi and a member of Hezbollah enter a bar in a Jewish settlement. (No, of course they didn't.)

thumb_up thumb_down +13

How much cocaine did Charlie Sheen do? Enough to compromise his health and career

thumb_up thumb_down +13

Why can't Hellen Keller have kids? Because she's dead, therefore does not possess the ability to bear children.

thumb_up thumb_down +13

What did the Colombian say to the Peruvian? Quieres lleyo?

thumb_up thumb_down +13

A man walks into a pet shop. He says to the shopkeeper, "Excuse me, do you have any dogs going cheap?" The shopkeeper replies "We feel that we price our animals reasonably, but the cheapest type of dog we have is £50." The man realises that, unfortunately, he cannot afford a dog so instead he purchases a goldfish. It wasn't the same.

thumb_up thumb_down +13

John Jacob Jingleheimer Schmidt has a really long name.

thumb_up thumb_down +13

What do a tree and I have in common? We would both be mad if we got turned into paper.

thumb_up thumb_down +11

roses are red, violets are are blue, I have five fingers, the middle one is for you

thumb_up thumb_down +11

Little molly says she wants to have a baby when she grows up because her little baby brother died of ta-sacs 6 months after birth.

thumb_up thumb_down +11

Why did the chicken cross the road? The cognitive capacity of the chicken is significantly underdeveloped in comparison to humans; thus, comprehending a chicken's motives is impossible. Furthermore, interspecies communication is largely understudied - a mysterious division of science that may never be fully revealed. Therefore, one could safely theorize that no single human could breach this gap ...in communication differences (assuming chickens do, in fact, communicate) and in turn, could not understand the chicken's reasoning behind its choice to cross the road (excluding the possibility of psychic connections between chickens and humans [see 'Dog Whisperer' for a more clear explanation on interspecial psychic relations])That being said, the only scientific and logical way one could understand the aforementioned question is through observation. For example, perhaps food was located on the other side of the road. However, this seems to pose a plethora of other questions: Why was the chicken near a road and not in a coop stocked with adequate food? Was this a wild chicken? Are there wild chickens? Do wild chickens often cross roads? Are wild chickens dangerous? If so, why hasn't there been warnings about dangerous, wild chickens crossing roads? The answer to these questions may never be discovered or explained.

thumb_up thumb_down +11

whats worse than having ants in your pants? getting sotomized by a lightsaber

thumb_up thumb_down +11

knock knock. who's there? Kony. Kony who? Kony says:" Uganda be abducted"

thumb_up thumb_down +11

Roses are red, violets are blue, i got a boner, from looking at you

thumb_up thumb_down +11

How are leprechauns and lions similar? The both start with L.

thumb_up thumb_down +11

Yo mama's so fat she threw a rock at the ground and missed.

thumb_up thumb_down +11

Your mom is so dirty, She smells.

thumb_up thumb_down +11

An overweight man is at a gym. he is trying to lose weight because he feels uncomfortable with his size.

thumb_up thumb_down +11

A man runs into a bar, sits down in a hurry and demands a beer from the bartender. The bartender looks at him wearily, but shrugs, pours him a beer and sets it down in front of him. The fat naked man then drinks the beer and leaves.

thumb_up thumb_down +11

Why couldn't the man ever reach his dream of becoming a professional athlete? He was pronounced with Alzheimer at a young age and could never remember his dream the next day.

thumb_up thumb_down +11

Roses are Red I shit in your Stew When you eat it The joke is on you

thumb_up thumb_down +11

Q: Why did Katie fall off the swing? A: She had no arms. Knock, Knock Who's There? Not Katie.

thumb_up thumb_down +11

A jewish man walks into a bar, has a drink, and goes home to his wife.

thumb_up thumb_down +11

What did the man think as the foul baseball flew rapidly toward his face? Oh man, I thought my tickets were to an NBA game.

thumb_up thumb_down +11

I like my coffee like my women. Without a penis. -Rivrawr

thumb_up thumb_down +11

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops