A boy in Bible class was poking a girl in front of him with a pencil. Atfer, maybe ten minutes of this, she was asked "Sarah, what did Eve say to Adam after they had had twenty-seven children" The boy poked her with the pencil again. She stood up, and said "I think we have enough kids Adam."

thumb_up thumb_down -23

A polish guy Is sick of being made fun of for his ethnicity, so he decides that he is going to act Italian thinking that no one makes fun of Italians. He stays home for weeks to practice this and one day walks out, up to a store and says"eh, get me some lasagna and zucchini !" the man at the store asks if he's polish.

thumb_up thumb_down -23

Once there was a baby ostrich name Bert. He was the cutest ostrich with those big black beady eyes, fuzzy feathers and funny wobbly baby ostrich walk. I knelt down and as Bert came running towards me as if I were his ostrich father about to protect him from something dangerous. As he got within arm’s reach I punched him so hard he turned into a baby kitten. I decided that Bert was an ...insufficient name for a baby kitten so I said to the purring ball of fuzz “I shall call you Turtle” a kitten named Turtle was a very hilarious conundrum. Things went well for an hour or two and then Turtle decided to pee on my tile floors which infuriated me because everyone knows that cat pee doesn’t come out of carpet! I decided to teach Turtle a football drill called kick the cuddly baby kitten so hard he turns into a koala bear. I sat Turtle on a football tee and suddenly our eyes met and he stared at me with the cutest face a kitten has ever made I took three steps back and turned back towards him. I stared into his big baby kitten eyes and then at a running sprint kicked him as hard as I could into the wall. There was a quiet sound like that of a space shuttle taking off into outer space. As I looked to see where my kick had sent Turtle soaring through the air, I found to my surprise, Turtle had turned into a cute cuddly baby raccoon. I walked across the room and scooped up the adorable baby raccoon. A raccoon named turtle was just too absurd so I decided to give the furry ball of warmth a new and more appropriate name. I stared into his cute raccoon eyes and declared aloud, “I shall call you Dorito!” I rocked Dorito calmly back and forth in my arms until he was fast asleep. A thought then entered my head, how funny would it be to put Dorito into a chip bag? I chuckled aloud and then decided my mind was set. I pulled a chip bag out of my backpack and carefully pulled the bag open and realized I’d been scammed! Inside the bag was a single Dorito chip. I then ate my Doritos.

thumb_up thumb_down -23

Your mumma's so fat she is fat

thumb_up thumb_down -23

Dude! That movie was so gay! It had a bunch of naked men having sex with other naked men!

thumb_up thumb_down -23

How are grapes and squirrels similar? They're both purple. Except for the squirrel.

thumb_up thumb_down -23

Don`t be mean? WOMAN! DO YOU NOT HOW TERRIBLE THE DEMAND YOU MAKE IS? ...Fine alright, I wont leave you hanging then... So I wont call. Moral: "Seriously though, I am leaving too, but I want the top comment"

thumb_up thumb_down -23

How do you call the uncle who molested you as a child? More than likely with a telephone.

thumb_up thumb_down -23

If bananas are purple, then what color are oranges? I am not going to tell you the answer because this joke has no significance whatsoever.

thumb_up thumb_down -23

Q: What is the difference between a potato chip and a frog? A: Neither one of them is a flower.

thumb_up thumb_down -23

How do you make a hormone? Modify bacteria using recombinant DNA technology.

thumb_up thumb_down -23

Why was the black man crying? Becasue his wife and children were killed in a horrific car accident on their way home from church.

thumb_up thumb_down -23

Q: A policeman is working past a room. The window is too high to see in. The person hears "no John, don't", and then a gunshot. He rushes inside and sees a dead body on the floor with a gun beside him. Also in the room are a doctor, a lawyer and a priest. Without asking any questions, he immediately arrests the priest. Why? A: Because the priest is the only male in the room.

thumb_up thumb_down -23

a priest, a rabbi, and a nun walk into a bar...and the bartender goes...what is this a joke? mr. healey

thumb_up thumb_down -23

What do you get when you cross two things that are seemingly unrelated? A play on words.

thumb_up thumb_down -23

Justin Bieber's voice sounds like Michael J. Fox playing a theramin.

thumb_up thumb_down -23

Why'd the cop pull over the black person? He made a traffic infraction.

thumb_up thumb_down -23

Don't count your eggs before you put them in a basket.

thumb_up thumb_down -23

What do you call a guy with out any arms or legs floating in the ocean? Bob

thumb_up thumb_down -23

Q: What is the fastest way to get insulted? A: Go screw yourself m0therf0cker!

thumb_up thumb_down -23

why did the baby cross the road? he was stapled to the chicken

thumb_up thumb_down -23

Why did the girl go to Jupiter? To get more stupider

thumb_up thumb_down -25

A black man accidentally walks into a white man. They apologize to each other and carry on with the rest of their day.

thumb_up thumb_down -25

Hej Erik och Leo!!

thumb_up thumb_down -25

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops