So a baby seal walks into a club.

thumb_up thumb_down +13

Why can't Hellen Keller have kids? Because she's dead, therefore does not possess the ability to bear children.

thumb_up thumb_down +13

John Jacob Jingleheimer Schmidt has a really long name.

thumb_up thumb_down +13

How much cocaine did Charlie Sheen do? Enough to compromise his health and career

thumb_up thumb_down +13

A man walks into a pet shop. He says to the shopkeeper, "Excuse me, do you have any dogs going cheap?" The shopkeeper replies "We feel that we price our animals reasonably, but the cheapest type of dog we have is £50." The man realises that, unfortunately, he cannot afford a dog so instead he purchases a goldfish. It wasn't the same.

thumb_up thumb_down +13

What did the Colombian say to the Peruvian? Quieres lleyo?

thumb_up thumb_down +13

Did you hear about the guy that had his entire left side cut off? He's all right now. Dead but all right.

thumb_up thumb_down +13

What did the zero say to the eight? I don't know,numbers are inanimate objects so they can't talk.God, what did you think?

thumb_up thumb_down +13

What is big white and will kill you if it falls out of a tree in winter A refrigerator

thumb_up thumb_down +13

A hasidic Rabbi and a member of Hezbollah enter a bar in a Jewish settlement. (No, of course they didn't.)

thumb_up thumb_down +13

Why did the McCann's parent's leave the window's and doors open? Because Portugal is a very hot climate, And they expected the place they were staying to be safe as lot's of tourist's stay there throughout the year.

thumb_up thumb_down +13

What did Bambi say to her mother when her mother was killed? Nothing. Bambi's a deer. Duh.

thumb_up thumb_down +13

1,2,3,4,5..what comes next? yeah you should know how to count

thumb_up thumb_down +13

what did the white man call a black man that was awarded the job he applied for? He stated the man was a hard worker and deserved the job. Then he walked up to the man with a smile and congraduated him. Then he went home and commited suicide after he concluded he didnt deserve to live.

thumb_up thumb_down +13

The good part of "Age" of Ultron? THANOS REIGNS! Disagree? Just leave the green thumb and fuck off!

thumb_up thumb_down +13

How many owls can you fit in a bath tub?

thumb_up thumb_down +13

Q: What did the boy with no arms and legs get for christmas? A: Caner.

thumb_up thumb_down +13

Why do gingers get mad when people call them gingers? Because it hurts their feelings

thumb_up thumb_down +13

the awkward moment when a fat person says they are fat

thumb_up thumb_down +13

Four blonds are driving to Disneyworld. They finally get to Florida and they see a sign that says "Disneyworld: left" so they take the left and get hit by a semi and all die.

thumb_up thumb_down +13

Q: What happens when you divide by zero. A: You get a complex kind of infinite.

thumb_up thumb_down +13

Why was the wife disappointed in her husband? He hasn't been very talkative since the suicide.

thumb_up thumb_down +13

Why doesn't Julius Caesar ever use a cell phone? Because he died in 44 BC.

thumb_up thumb_down +13

What was so incredible about this bigger new oven i just bought? It could fit twice as many Jews in it. --ZeNaziGermanDoctor

thumb_up thumb_down +13

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops